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Inability to Orgasm

Inability to Orgasm

Sorry guys, I know this isn’t really PE-related, but this is only the 2nd place I’ve found that might help me find some answers to my problem. If this is the wrong forum, forgive me. Newbie rules.

I’m in my early 20s, I have been sexually active with only one person in my life, and that has been over the past 2 years. We progressed from one base to the next, and after about 8 months we finally made love for the first time. It lasted for 3 hours, much to my surprise. I was quite proud of myself for the stamina, but over a year later, and even going all the way back to manual and oral stimulation from my partner earlier in the relationship, I have never had an orgasm due to intercourse. The only way I can achieve orgasm with a partner is to masturbate, and even then it seems like I have to exert every ounce of energy and tear every muscle fiber in my body just to give my partner the satisfaction of making me climax. To be perfectly honest, it’s so difficult it’s not even worth the effort. I am worried that this inability is going to damage our relationship, mainly b/c it is a sore-spot for both of us.

When I masturbate alone everything checks out fine. But when I’m with someone it’s like all the valves close shop. It has been suggested that this may be due to a fear of pregnancy since I don’t use condoms (you wouldn’t either if you knew not a drop was coming out of your member. Besides that, I can’t feel a thing in them).

Anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions?

Thanks for the forum, lots of great info. Been flirting with PE on and off for years, but I’ve got to stick with it now. The erection quality is suffering without it.

Have you tried abstaining from masturbation for significant period of time before sex?

I had a girlfriend that used a lot of sex toys—she had to completely stop using them for a long period of time before she could orgasm during sex. The parallel I see there, is that if you are too used to just stimulating yourself, you might not be able to really enjoy sex with the other person. If you don’t do it for a while, you can perhaps decondition yourself.

If you’re going for a month at a time without masturbating and you still can’t orgasm with your partner, perhaps you have a more serious problem, and I’m not sure what you could do in that case.

Also, don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.

I’ve been 3 weeks before, never a whole month though.

I think your problem is psychological. The first time you had sex with your partner, you lasted so much, and you was proud of that stamina. So, any time you are going to have sex, you are focused on “performance”: what is stopping your orgasms is the fear of not lasting enough; so you can’t concentrate on your pleasure, you can’t relax.

After some time this kind of problem will disappear by itself. One thing you could do right now, is avoiding masturbation, that probably has some role in your difficulties: it is like as, in a hidden place of your brain, you have catalogued :”masturbation = pleasure”, “intercourse = job”.

Be aware that I’m not a sexologist or psychologist; other members will give you more educated answers. These are just my 2 cents.

jonesy98 — I should mention I have also had the same problem as you.

I had one girlfriend that preferred short and quick. It took me a few months, but I learned to go only about 15 minutes. Normally I would always go at least an hour or two, and I could last indefinitely if I wanted to (which some girls really enjoyed).

One problem I also had with this girlfriend, is that my previous girlfriend had a body like a pornstar (basically a perfect 10)—so it kind of spoiled things with the subsequent girl.

The NON perfect 10 girl was willing to work hard to please me though, and she asked questions until she figured out what she could do to get me off—and it worked. (Nothing spectacular, or kinky, but it was effective).

Anyway—I’m sure you can do it, you’ll have to just learn to concentrate/ relax, and aside from that if your partner is willing to help you can find things she can do to help you ‘get the job done’. I think good communication can help to some extent. I find that if there’s a huge amount of pressure on me to ‘get it over with’ it’s always counterproductive.

Anyway, good luck figuring things out.

Are you taking any prescription medicines?

No meds at all

Bumping just in case..

2 years in just a few days, and I still haven’t climaxed from intercourse of any kind whatsoever. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

One question I have is , do you experience any pleasure at all during intercourse? Can you feel a buildup in arousal?

I sometimes feel that I don’t even care if I ever have an orgasm during sex. I simply enjoy the activity much more that the final release.
If you think about it, once you have the orgasm the fun is over. So why not just enjoy the fun, and to hell with the orgasm.

I think you should concentrate more on the moment, and the pleasure of the activity, not on how you are going to reach a climax.
If the pleasure from the activity increases, then eventually you are going to pass over the threshold and cum without trying.
I get off on the feel of the woman’s skin, the sounds she makes, the sexy shape of her body, the wet kisses, all the shit that goes on
And makes sex exciting. Any one of those things will make me pop my cork if I think about them too much.

This is exactly the thread I was looking for, I wasn’t sure if I would find anything related to this here or not. Anyway, I will be as brief as possible so as not to go off-topic.

I am having the same problem as jonesy98 regarding orgasm during intercourse but also with oral sex and masturbation from my partner. We can go for at least an hour (usually more) while she goes through a series of orgasms but I never get off, although I’ve come close a few times with oral sex but never from straight up intercourse through various positions. The arousal is there and I can stay erect with no problem but it’s like hitting that 6-7 out of 10 mark on the pleasure scale and never going past it without self-stimulation. Granted, I, like tinytim, enjoy the activity more than hitting climax, but my girl feels bad about not being able to make me orgasm even though I’ve explained to her on several occasions that she is not the problem and her pleasure comes first for me; that getting her there is the best part for me. I can understand her dismay, though.

This has been going on for about a month since I’ve been with this girl but before that, I was in a situation in which I didn’t have intercourse for 3 1/2 years. Over that time I had started taking an interest in the usual KG exercises and training to prolong orgasm through masturbation techniques. I am 99% sure that this is the root of the problem in that I hadn’t had intercourse with a woman for so long (before I was a, “one-pump chump,” so to speak). Now I’m looking for a route to deprogram myself to a degree, if you will.

No meds here, healthy lifestyle except for regular Life stresses, nothing out of the ordinary.

Blink2000: When working through the issue with the one girl you mentioned, when she was able to figure out a way or ways to get you off, did things slowly start to fall back into place or did you both have to rely on that way/ways to get you off?

Any more insight for jonesy98 or myself is greatly appreciated, I’m just looking to see if there’s something I might not be looking at for the source of the problem. Good luck jonesy98, and thanks to everyone for the help.

Disclaimer: If anyone thinks I should make a new post on this as to not defer from jonesy98’s original post, I apologize and will be happy to oblige. I just didn’t want to make two separate threads for very nearly the same topic.

Originally Posted by marinera
I think your problem is psychological. The first time you had sex with your partner, you lasted so much, and you was proud of that stamina. So, any time you are going to have sex, you are focused on “performance”: what is stopping your orgasms is the fear of not lasting enough; so you can’t concentrate on your pleasure, you can’t relax.

After some time this kind of problem will disappear by itself. One thing you could do right now, is avoiding masturbation, that probably has some role in your difficulties: it is like as, in a hidden place of your brain, you have catalogued :”masturbation = pleasure”, “intercourse = job”.

Be aware that I’m not a sexologist or psychologist; other members will give you more educated answers. These are just my 2 cents.

He’s 100% correct.

My sexual function was fine. Then wife wanted a baby and suddently having an orgasm became a job and guess what? Sexual function down the drain. Impossible to get an erection without viagra, impossible to orgasm.

So I sat and thought about the problem, learned to relax and enjoy it and not focus on the orgasm but the pleasure.

If you focus on the pleasure and learn to relax, the orgasm with come by itself and be far more explosive.

Kevin


Since you are my property, the contents of your mind are also my property, and you will give them to me when I ask.

I too am struggling in this department,however when I started out here on Thunders I could barely ejaculate. I thank people like Avocet 8 who have helped a lot in my journey. They have literally guided since my “first” sexual experience.

The one time which I did come during intercourse was some 2 years ago and during that period I supplemented with Tribulus terrestris. However I think that some of my challenges may be mental and I’m learning to relax; I have noted that often time during sex my mind is travelling and at times not even focused on enjoying the moment.

My problem was my fluctuating test levels; I went to the doctor to check out but they could not really help me as it seems they did not really understand it. I am actually due to go see them again in a month. I have tried various means to boost my test level naturally and it has helped in some respects.

I have also toyed around with increasing my levels of Vitamin B3 but have yet to see if that will aid things; I have seen one or two positive signs but we will see.

I think a very important thing is working with your lady to aid you relax and communicate to her so that she understands that the problem is not with her. I think open communication is very important here and being open about that which works for you. I have been meaning to purchase a fleshlight and apparently that has helped a lot of men in our position.


05/12/2005 : BPEL: 6.1"x EG:5.5" Current as of : 24/12/2011 : BPEL 7.87" x EG: 6.3" Long term Goal 8.5"x 6.4"

" There is only one option success; for failure is the refusal to persist"

Originally Posted by kfarrelldba
He’s 100% correct.

My sexual function was fine. Then wife wanted a baby and suddently having an orgasm became a job and guess what? Sexual function down the drain. Impossible to get an erection without viagra, impossible to orgasm.

So I sat and thought about the problem, learned to relax and enjoy it and not focus on the orgasm but the pleasure.

If you focus on the pleasure and learn to relax, the orgasm with come by itself and be far more explosive.

Kevin

This may have been mentioned before, but just in case: for many men, the PDE-5 inhibitors like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis can have the effect of delaying orgasm, or even preventing it. Some men are affected by one of these drugs, but not the others, and of course some are not affected at all. It’s not clear why this occurs, but it might just be the additional hardness somehow making the glans less sensitive. Men who wear cockrings for sex sometimes have the same effect, possibly for the same reason. Or, it could be something else entirely.

Hey jonesy98,

I actually had the same problem as you for a long time after I first had sex. To the point where I was experimenting with the same things as you have, lighter grips while masturbation, etc. I was distraught to the point where I was almost going to buy a fleshlight to use for masturbation (I had read that it helped some others regain the “sensitivity” in their penis, as a last resort you can always try this)—you can read some of my old posts! I really think that this ‘delayed ejaculation’ is caused by a ‘desensitized’ penis in the BEGNINING but then once you cannot reach orgasm the first couple of times after having sex it becomes a MENTAL problem.

However, I was able to cum when I RIGOROUSLY had sex. She was on top while I was on the bottom and I basically pumped away like there was no tomorrow. For guys like us who don’t cum the first couple of times it takes that much MORE to cum for the first time during intercourse. However, after that first time it became much more frequent to the point where today I cum practically EVERYTIME we have sex—and this is after having sex over 100 times and maybe cumming once or twice in the beginning!

So in summary as a guy that has successfully gone through the same thing as you I wish you the best of luck and please realize that there are many of us out there like this—it just takes much faster/harder stimulation to get us off that first time!

Good luck! and let us know how it goes, if you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask :)

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