Small size rant.
First off id like to say sorry, but I didnt want to post this in the smallP thread.I just need to vent and let my anger out.
2009 was such a good year until I started having depression in the last three months due to my small size. If anyone has a 4.5x4 then you’ve probably have endured the same insecurities as I do. Actually I recently measured my girth and the thickest part is only 3.9 (shaft closest to my glans.not even 4 inches. FUCK!) that means my base is less than that. Depression sucks shit, I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemies. Id rather endure physical pain than go through depression (emotional pain). Despite all of this I’m able to hide my depression from my family and friends and girlfriend.
I’m a virgin and so is my gf. We love each other, but I believe that my emotions will negatively affect my relationship sooner or later. This is something I need to fix. Sadly, PE is something that takes time, dedication, and usually years. My gf has at least seen one other penis (her ex) which was probably bigger than mine. She hasn’t said anything about my size, but either she is being nice about it or she doesn’t know any better and thinks it’s average. All I know is that the first time she saw my penis she tried to give me a hand job. This was 4 months ago and she hasn’t attempted to give me one again. She continues to give me bjs though. This tells me she doesn’t enjoy giving me hand jobs and thinks I’m too small to receive one.
When we do fool around we go crazy. Honestly were like animals.without the sex though.
My gf is a strong christian and she doesn’t want to have sex bc 1) she believes it should be saved for marriage. 2) she doesn’t want to get pregnant. 3) she doesn’t want to regret it if she does it with me, but we later break up later down the road and finds someone more special that she ends up marrying. The last one she had trouble telling me bc she knew it would sound bad and hurt my feelings. At the same time she also says that she doesn’t think she will wait until she gets married bc it’s such a long time from now. Anyway we came to a conclusion. The conclusion is we will say that we will not have sex unless we marry, but every 6 months we will see if were ready to have sex.if not after 6 months than we will wait and see again after another 6 months.
I enjoy this idea bc it gives me time to grow and do PE (hopefully I stick with it and hopefully I do indeed grow). I’ve been PEing for almost a month now. No real gains except for prolonged increase in flacid size throughout the day. The last few times I’ve PEed I’ve had difficulty. The stretching is the easy part but when it comes to the jelqing I can’t jelq consistently. I tend to masterbate to get it up and then when I try to jelq I have a hard time keeping it at 50-80%.
I love my gf and I want to have sex but at the same time I’m afraid of it. I’m afraid the condom will come off. I’m afraid we’ll break up and she will find someone else and they’ll have sex. I know I need to get rid of these insecurities, but it’s difficult.
I could use any advice and help out there. Thanks guys.