Need Cheering Up After Dick Discussion With FWB

Hey guys

I was wondering if ya’ll could help me as I talked to my FWB tonight and I’m feeling insecure and self conscious. It’s the same girl that I talked about in my ‘Girl tells you she’s been with bigger’ thread.

She again was talking about how I’m a great size and how she thinks I have a really good looking dick. And I made a joke about oh yeah I see others in porn and get inspired and she was like oh really? What’s a nice looking one to you? And I didn’t want to weird her out so I said oh I’m only kidding.

And because porn was brought up she said, “I was looking at porn the other day, at one of the black dick videos and it was huge - long and thick”. And instantly I felt very self conscious and kind of sad. I didn’t tell her of course because I didn’t want to look weak even though she knows I do PE.

I was like oh, why were you watching that kind of video? And she said just to see what it was like, it was kind of cool. I think she must’ve read how it made me feel weird because of my reaction, as she said maybe I’d try it once just to see what it was like.

So I said, oh you think that’s cool? I see- yeah you’d probably like that.. And she tried to backtrack like oh well no I’ve had a big one before and I got sore a lot and it wasn’t great because of that. (If you want to hear the backstory you can read it in my other thread that I mentioned ‘Girl Tells You She’s Been With Bigger) She went from oh maybe I’d try a huge one from that category of porn to, no I just meant a big one, to no I’ve had a big one (which is the one we talked about, in my ‘Girl tells you she’s been with bigger’ thread) and it made me sore, and I know I said I’d try it but now that I think about it I don’t think I would like.

It just made me very self conscious, even though I do believe her that she’s not into huge dicks as she’s been honest in the past about how it wasn’t comfortable for her. I even told her, when she’s complimenting mine, oh well it’s not like you’d ever tell me that I didn’t have a nice one or the best one, because you wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings. And she insists that she’s not just saying that about my dick (that it’s big, really nice, her favorite one) and she’s not the type of person to give compliments to just make the person feel good. She even said, I never told that big guy that his was great because it made me sore, so he never got those compliments from me.

So I hear this and want to believe, but my ego feels hurt because of MY insecurities and nothing she’s actually saying. My mind tells me, you’re not good enough, and she was watching BBC video and said that it was curious or kind of cool to just see it even though she wasn’t attracted to it, and my ego says that means mine isn’t as good.
I hate this feeling as I felt so uncomfortable about her watching that video that I now feel turned off by her and I have NO right to feel that way. It’s selfish of me and I’m ignoring everything she has told me about my dick. I feel ashamed of my internal reaction even though I played it cool in front of her. I feel like a bad person for feeling this way.

I’m 7” BPEL and 5” girth so even though she says mine is big to her and looks really nice, and she thinks it’s the perfect size and that the things I do with it is the best, I still feel like I’m small and not the best. It’s like I don’t hear her or just don’t believe her. I told her I like mine and don’t feel the need to make it bigger, but since PE has proven to make it longer, I’m curious to see how big I can get it. But the truth is I want a huge one and knowing she watched a huge one out of curiosity, made me feel inadequate. I feel awful and very sad :(

I’m sorry to vent so long like this guys. I know you’re not here to be my therapists, just could use some cheering up :(
How can I put this out of my mind? How can I focus on the truths or at least what she’s telling me, and not be a prisoner of my own mind?

I really appreciate it guys

I hate to be brutally honest but it reflects what I learn and always say. “Do not place your ego in the hands of a woman.” You have to be confident and happy with yourself, not base that feeling on being the biggest, baddest or anything-est that your woman has had. She has a vested interest in you feeling good and honesty, which has done the opposite, now has you doubting all the things she said before. Which I tried to warn you of.

There is no easy way to cheer you up. You just have to realize, for yourself, that you aren’t competing with anyone. Not some ‘monster cock ex that was uncomfortable’ or Mandingo and co. from the depths of porn fantasy. Until you realize that, there is no solution.

It does not matter what she says. Only what you think. And those two are completely unrelated, in a healthy man’s mind.

Very well said thoughtfulgold

There will always be a bigger dick. And even if you spend years going to extremes and achieve a monster biggest dick in the world, someone else will have a bigger bank account, or education etc. Just let it go. Improve. Enjoy this girl. This bullshit spiral that you are in is going to cost you this relationship. Then you’ll blame it on your ‘inadequate’ dick instead of you dickhead attitude, and you will spiral further. Let it go brother.

Reminds me of something Lemmy Kilmeister once said. About a totally unrelated subject, but concerning interpersonal relationship questions, he once told someone “If you look hard enough for a problem, you’ll find one”. And it’s true. You went digging. And were surprised to find some dirt. My advice to you, is knock it off.

Tough love but great advice guys!

I know I’m my own worst enemy :(

I feel like my insecurities will come off as unattractive so I tried to hide it. I just need to focus on the compliments she says about my dick as I do think she really likes it as much as she says. My issue is when I hear her say it’s big, I picture the big that I’m aspiring to be from my PE work, and I picture the 8x6 goal, and of course in my mind I don’t measure up to that ‘big’ standard that I’ve placed in my head; so naturally I doubt what she says.

It’s not healthy I know. She openly discusses this stuff (sex, how she likes my dick) often so it’s not even like I go digging you know? I have to somehow put her comment about that BBC out of my head and not compare myself. As you said, there will always be bigger. I shouldn’t compare myself; I think maybe doing PE to become bigger, puts my mind in a natural “your dick isn’t big enough for your goal yet” mindset which in turn tells me that I don’t measure up to some big standard yet.

Other guys have commented that PE and looking at dicks in this site can make them insecure so I understand what they feel. Happiness has to start from within, but how can it, when PE and my routine tells me to exercise to “get bigger and thicker”?

I appreciate the advice guys!

Easy. Good things get better with time and effort. Guys at the gym, doing martial arts aren’t unhappy they aren’t mr. Olympia or Jet Li. They are glad to put forth self-improvement to create the vision of themselves they want to see.

If you don’t look at it that way, no matter how much gains you get…you’ll never be “bigger”.

I feel your pain brother. I also have that “not big enough yet” mindset. But I deal with it by just focusing on my PE. The fact that her opinion hurts you so much might mean she might mean more to you than a normal FWB. You will have to check your emotions and stuff to really know. But it sounds like its more like a girlfriend or wife that said that to you. When I was still little over 5 I was obsessed with really knowing if I was my wife’s biggest. Well now I know. She can’t even take all of me any more and still I look for gains. So be careful that it doesn’t become an obsession as it has with me. When I was average I learned all types of thrusting techniques and stuff to make myself “feel” bigger, and now I can’t even use all those stuff because just naturally, I’m to big already.

Porn is fake and you should always remember that. Its designed to tell men that they aren’t enough. Stay away from that. At 7 your way way way above average and on the big side as far as dicks go. I have female friends that will trade in their boyfriends for a 7 incher (no jokes) so just know that you are big enough, and just focus on getting bigger over time with your PE journey. Stop being goal orientated and just enjoy the journey for yourself. When I PE’ed for my wife, it was frustrating. When I did it for me it became liberating.

I concur. I love martial arts and lifting. I’m happy as a bug when I’m at a class or doing a workout. I have so much. I’m not going to class envious and green that there is a champion prize fighter training in the room. Others have this angst that they’re not good enough ‘yet’. I’m just honored, feel lucky and am stoked to be there. Same as PE.

I’d be super happy *when* my cock gets to 7 inches dude that’s an amazing size already.

I’ve commented on your other thread about how a FWB told me about her significant other having “almost too much” and how that was all I could focus on for months after, even tho she told me I was the “greatest lover she ever had” so I know it sucks to hear. But you did put yourself in this position as did I now you need to figure away out of it. Like I said it took me months.

Even if you do PE and your dick grows, if your not black you’ll never have a BBC so that will be the next thing you’ll get stuck on. I would stop all dick talk with her

+1

I had considerable size and still got stuck in the ditch you’re in. Whenever I doubted my size I pulled out a ruler to see my length. I had to trust that I was sufficient. It took time but I got over it. I never discuss my size with my wife any longer. No matter what’s said it can tend to put me right back in the ditch.

Stop talking about your size with her. If she brings up size, steer the conversation in a different direction. Never let them see you sweat.

And if T has insecurities on size then you can understand why most of us do too

Insecurities have been gone for quite some time now. Like others have said, there will always be someone bigger. That’s hamster wheel gets tiring. For me it’s making sure I have great erections and use my dick the best I can.

+1

As I always argue. Its about the journey, not the destination.