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Why cant I get an erection??

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Why cant I get an erection??

All this time I thought my ED was physically related because I have not had any morning erections (with the exception of the occasional pee hard on) for quite a few years, has now proven incorrect. I woke up in the dead of night with a monster!

It was about 3.30 am and I normally am dead to the world but when I came to, I felt something that I could not believe ..a full on erection so engorged that it was near beer can girth that I could barely get my hands all the way around it! It was a complete erection too, that included the CS and a fully bloated glans not like pee erections that have a deflated CS and glans. My shaft pointed straight up to the ceiling and was making a tent out of my bed covers instead of the normal lying on my thigh or belly.

This was a super firm raging monster that was so big, it was as if I had left it in a high powered vacuum pump and forgot to remove it and fell asleep with it pumping. I thought I was dreaming but I wasn’t as I began to stoke it and squeeze to feel the inedible firmness that I have not experienced in years.

Then, as I am masturbating, I start to really wake up and realize that I am not imagining and it is really happening, my non existing confidence starts to kick in and I start to panic and think I am not going to be able to maintain it for very long and I quickly turned the light on to find my baby oil for some serious masturbating to maintain such a big and hard erection that has lately been impossible for me to achieve, before it would fade away. I wanted to keep this giant up for as long as possible!

As I am lubing up my meat and continue to masturbate, I began to realize that I was barely awake and my total lack of self confidence was already making me worry about going soft and that I could still be sound asleep with a raging hard monster that could be effortlessly maintained on its own while I am dreaming.

I kept masturbating until it began to fade after a few minutes and jelqed for a while longer. I thought of getting out my pump but I thought it not a good idea pushing it again so soon and decided to let it rest a while.

I could not fall back to sleep so after nearly an hour I got another better than semi on and kept it going for an hour or two then got up and made a coffee.

I am now happy to know that my penis is working properly and I have no physical problem with it but it now appears that my brain has been programmed with the wrong information.
That brings me back to the question as to why I can’t get a full on erection and maintain it?

I hope to be able to get full on erections on demand and be able to maintain them again. Also it would be nice to get involuntary erections during the day once again, too.

I would love to get one as big as the one that I woke up with when I’m in a room alone with several hot females that notice it pulling up my pants leg. They will easily see a large glans and my dorsal vein visible through my pants especially when its past halfway to my knee! They may tell each other about what they are seeing and when several hot girls are together one of them may take charge and demand that I let them take my hard cock out of my pants so they could test it out
I could get lucky and have sex with several girls at once! It could make up for some of what I’ve been missing.

Has anyone ever run into this and was able to get over it or not?

Any other thoughts or ideas?


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

Originally Posted by 7inchesSoft

Then, as I am masturbating, I start to really wake up and realize that I am not imagining and it is really happening, my non existing confidence starts to kick in and I start to panic and think I am not going to be able to maintain it for very long and I quickly turned the light on to find my baby oil for some serious masturbating to maintain such a big and hard erection that has lately been impossible for me to achieve, before it would fade away. I wanted to keep this giant up for as long as possible!

As I am lubing up my meat and continue to masturbate, I began to realize that I was barely awake and my total lack of self confidence was already making me worry about going soft and that I could still be sound asleep with a raging hard monster that could be effortlessly maintained on its own while I am dreaming.

I think you have answered your own question. Work out where the feelings in bold started and what you can do to address them. Good luck.


Heat makes the difference between gaining quickly or slowly for some guys, or between gaining slowly instead of not at all for others. And the ideal penis size is 7.6" BPEL x 5.6" Mid Girth.

Basics.... firegoat roll How to use the Search button for best results

Agree with Firegoat. Pay attention to your breathing—it’s probably getting very shallow and rapider when you think those things. Breathe deep and slowly, relax….

Thanks for the words of wisdom!!

Thanks for the words of wisdom!!

Originally Posted by firegoat
I think you have answered your own question. Work out where the feelings in bold started and what you can do to address them. Good luck.

How do I do that?
Although I have never, until the last couple of years, even dream of trying to maintain erections without being afraid of going soft, I have had a life long problem of not having any confidence especially with girls. Now, on top of that, I don’t have the confidence to get an erection when I’m alone! :( How am I ever going to be able to undo that? :(

Originally Posted by Tom Hubbard
Agree with Firegoat. Pay attention to your breathing—it’s probably getting very shallow and rapider when you think those things. Breathe deep and slowly, relax….


I”m not at all surprised because I have severe breathing issues. I always forget to breathe until I become so short of breath that I have to gasp for air!
Another serious issue that I am aware of is that since I first started masturbating, with the fear of being caught in the act, I have programed myself to be so quiet as to not even breath while I am in the act. I literally hold my breath until after ejaculating. If you can believe it, I often have edging sessions that have lasted for several hours even all night until morning! I’m sure I have seriously damaged my brain due to lack of oxygen …especially the part of the brain that makes me remember to keep breathing!
The one and only time that I had intercourse, the girl told me that I was so quiet that if she could not even hear me breath and if I was not inside her and her eyes were closed she would not even know I was there!

I have been aware of this issue for several years now and I have been trying to remember to keep breathing. I am not to bad when exercising but when I am relaxed and focused on something else, I stop breathing until I finally have to gasp for air. It is a problem that I have already been trying to correct.

I don’t know how I’m going to be able to get past these new barriers that have been causing my ED but at least I now know what they are.

In the meantime what should I do? Should I stop all PE exercises? Should I continue ED pumping ? Should I try to get erections more often or rest and wait for spontaneous erections to take place? Should I try erection pills again now that I know my penis is working properly?

Please keep the thoughts and ideas coming and thanks again for helping me!!


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

If I were you I would go to a doctor and talk to them about your problem. They would probably prescribe pills and hopefully also refer you to go to a sex therapist.

I had a similar problem, when I had sex after a while I usually thought “I wonder if I’m still as hard”, “Oh no, hope I don’t loose my erection” and those thoughts killed my erection almost immediately so I could almost never have sex until I came.
Cialis and talking to someone about my problems has helped me a lot, now I come most times I have sex.

If you go to a good sex therapist that can teach you some mindfulness so that you learn how to be present and breath properly would probably help you a lot.


From Abbelito to Abbegrande

Start: BPEL 6.89, MEG 5.31

Now: BPEL 7.48, MEG 5.31

Whenever I have arguments with my wife and she attacks me personally I begin to lose erections. It happened this morning after a three day battle over upcoming christmas arrangements. We usually have great sex in the morning, but some of the things she threw at me over the last few days kept coming back as I was trying to enjoy getting back to being with her, but no it wasn’t to be.

I suffer from giving too much of a fuck about things sometimes, whereas my friends fuck indiscriminately without a twinge of conscience.

I need to toughen up mentally around my wife sometimes, because she can be pretty cruel with the comments.

7inches soft, your dick works perfectly well as you’ve indicated, it is your thinking that trips you up.

I’m a Psychotherapist and you would think I know better, but the more important an issue, the more difficult it can be to drop the head chatter and just relax.


Began December 2009 at 5 7/8" length and 5" girth.

As of December 5th 2012 7 3/8" BPEL and 6 1/8" base girth.

Going for the magic 8"x6"

Originally Posted by abbelito
If I were you I would go to a doctor and talk to them about your problem. They would probably prescribe pills and hopefully also refer you to go to a sex therapist.

I had a similar problem, when I had sex after a while I usually thought “I wonder if I’m still as hard”, “Oh no, hope I don’t loose my erection” and those thoughts killed my erection almost immediately so I could almost never have sex until I came.
Cialis and talking to someone about my problems has helped me a lot, now I come most times I have sex.

If you go to a good sex therapist that can teach you some mindfulness so that you learn how to be present and breath properly would probably help you a lot.

I don’t think I’m going to waste money on doctors yet let alone a sex therapist! I do not expect to need cialis or anything like that after the erection that I woke up with.
If I can’t get it figured out, I may have to try a sex therapist but it is really kind of too late for that at this point in my life.


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

Originally Posted by a-unit

Whenever I have arguments with my wife and she attacks me personally I begin to lose erections. It happened this morning after a three day battle over upcoming christmas arrangements. We usually have great sex in the morning, but some of the things she threw at me over the last few days kept coming back as I was trying to enjoy getting back to being with her, but no it wasn’t to be.

I understand what you are saying about arguments with women affecting it. In my experience with a girl I once dated I would go soft if I sensed any hint of her getting impatient let alone an argument. I don’t have any girlfriend to speak of, though so it does not apply in this case.

Originally Posted by a-unit

I suffer from giving too much of a fuck about things sometimes, whereas my friends fuck indiscriminately without a twinge of conscience.

I am like you and let everything bother me. As far as friends or in my case, associated users who only call when they need me for something and never even offer to help me with anything, I could not care less. It is long since past the time that I needed to stop helping other people and start helping myself. I am still struggling with it but I am working at it. Needless to say, I currently don’t have any “friends” :)

Originally Posted by a-unit

I need to toughen up mentally around my wife sometimes, because she can be pretty cruel with the comments.

I am surely not an expert in the field so you would not want to act on my advise!

Originally Posted by a-unit

7inches soft, your dick works perfectly well as you’ve indicated, it is your thinking that trips you up.

I realized that when I woke up in the dead of night with… I still can’t believe it, a monster is the best as I can describe it! I wonder if I have since been having any more of those in my sleep? All I need is to get those monsters in my pants , involuntarily throughout the day while I am awake!

My thinking is definitely fucked! ..but I already knew that ..very long, ago

Originally Posted by a-unit

I’m a Psychotherapist and you would think I know better, but the more important an issue, the more difficult it can be to drop the head chatter and just relax.

I’m a suitable case for treatment. Been there, done that.

I was depressed so I got help. I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with chronic depression, prescribed pills and refereed to a shrink. They ran me through a program then told me I was cured. The pills killed my sex drive and gave me ED. The ED made me even more depressed that I was to start with!

I went back to the doctor and was prescribed Viagra which I did not like. It ruined my 20/20 vision.

I always found it difficult to relax and it just seems to get even more and more difficult. I guess I’ll probably be able to finally relax when I’m dead!


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

Workout 1hrs to 2 hrs 6 times a week……all that stress will be gone bro!

Sex is not just physical. From a female perspective I know if I’m not in the right frame of mind during sex (work stress, household tasks, kiddos) I have a very difficult time orgasming. However, the same holds true if I am too focused on the outcome. If I pressure myself to have an orgasm Instead of focussing on the pleasures of the moment I usually lose the ability to orgasm.

I wouldn’t be surprised that your “I hope I don’t lose it” thoughts inhibit you from sustaining an erection. Try not worrying so much and just enjoy the moment.


Just Saying.

Originally Posted by MrsRobinson
Sex is not just physical. From a female perspective I know if I’m not in the right frame of mind during sex (work stress, household tasks, kiddos) I have a very difficult time orgasming. However, the same holds true if I am too focused on the outcome. If I pressure myself to have an orgasm Instead of focussing on the pleasures of the moment I usually lose the ability to orgasm.

I don’t think my problem is from outside issues because if I had stress of any sort I could just blow my nut and it would make it all go away.

When you say that you can’t have a female orgasm, is it because your clit doesn’t get hard? ..or not getting hard enough? I never had a problem getting my cock hard and never even dreamed that I would!
My problem was always worrying about getting spontaneous erections that would be noticed in my pants in public.It has taken a long time to overcome that and program my brain to stop them before they can happen. (It is a common topic on ED blogs) It was very difficult to prevent erections from occurring while watching dancing girls but after a lot of practice, I can watch girls all day and not worry about getting erections.

I don’t have to worry about getting erections anymore, period! I don’t have to worry about getting erections because, now, I can’t get an erection at all!!

That and lack of use from not having a girlfriend and being too depressed to masturbate makes it easier not to achieve erections than it used to be to achieve then! The body is controlled by the brain and being depressed (which there is no cure for) kills my sex drive and makes it difficult to get hard and my erections weaker which makes me even more depressed and being more depressed kills my sex drive much more and makes it even that much more difficult to get it hard and impossible to maintain.

I have been using an erection pump to try and help get the blood to flow into my cock but it does not like it and it shrinks something awful as I go to insert my cock into the cylinder like I had it in ice water for an hour. I also have to keep pumping it several times a day to simulate the erections that I should be getting that I have been suppressing for so long. I can never get enough pumping in. I was supposed to pump at least 6 times today and have not even done 1 yet …I’m going to pump it right after this post!

Originally Posted by MrsRobinson
I wouldn’t be surprised that your “I hope I don’t lose it” thoughts inhibit you from sustaining an erection. Try not worrying so much and just enjoy the moment.

I have to be able to get hard to start with before my “I hope I don’t lose it” thoughts inhibit me from sustaining an erection.
I’m trying not to worry but I am devastated!:(


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

Originally Posted by 7inchesSoft
If I can’t get it figured out.

Here’s your problem. There’s nothing to figure out barring the pressure you put on yourself. We certainly don’t mock you, unlike what I could imagine people around you could/would/may do.

Here’s an anecdote for you - I’ve given up on relationships. I find the vast majority of women not worth my time anymore. Yet, as I go through the motions of living I can’t avoid their attention. From barely 18s to married 40-somethings and everything in between. Yet I don’t try and don’t care.

Consider not caring about your erection, you’ll have a lot of time for other things.

What do you think is the cause?


Just Saying.

Originally Posted by DomXZ
Here’s your problem. There’s nothing to figure out barring the pressure you put on yourself. We certainly don’t mock you, unlike what I could imagine people around you could/would/may do.

Here’s an anecdote for you - I’ve given up on relationships. I find the vast majority of women not worth my time anymore. Yet, as I go through the motions of living I can’t avoid their attention. From barely 18s to married 40-somethings and everything in between. Yet I don’t try and don’t care.

Consider not caring about your erection, you’ll have a lot of time for other things.

So far nobody has mocked me I have not told anyone else about my ED.

I am a confused by your advise though. I gave up on relationships because they were over before they could even begin Are you telling me that failed relationships is now causing ED?

Looking back, I do have to agree that women have always been a waste of my time and probably always will be but in my case.

I do not get any attention from them at all. I am the complete opposite of you, I don’t attract women at all, I repel them and I am very good at that. Being honest, It is my strongest quality! Are you telling me that my failure to attract women is now causing ED?

I tried the ” I don’t try and don’t care ” approach but it never helped in my situation.

I will try not to worry about getting an erection but I found that avoiding them altogether only makes matters worse. If I go too long without an erection, I really have problems getting it up.


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

Originally Posted by MrsRobinson
What do you think is the cause?

I’m even more confused with your post..

Are you directing your question to me or DomXZ?


My current dimensions: flaccid: 8" x 6.5" erect: 9.5" x 7.125" glans: soft length:1.825" soft diameter 1.65" firm length:2.286" firm diameter:1.90"

Goal: flaccid: 9" x 7" (.1" length .5" girth) erect: 10" x 8" ( .5" length 1" girth) glans: soft length: 2.25" soft diameter: 2" firm length: 2.5" firm diameter: 2.25"

Ultimate goal: flaccid: 10" x 8" erect: 11.5" x 9.75" glans: soft length: 2.5" soft diameter: 2.25" firm length: 4" firm diameter: 3" In other words: A big, fat elephant cock!

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