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Just need some advice, this is killing me

Are you a jealous person? Sometimes dudes have a problem when they bang something and can’t really call it their own, even if it is just in their mind.

Another is if a dude believes himself to be fairly inexperienced and somehow winds up with a fuckbuddy, they slowly go crazy. Their reasoning usually is they have no concept of the social dynamic forces which attracted someone to them and asked for such a bargain. Since they cannot fathom this for whatever reason, they then slowly pick themselves apart believing that it is solely up to their banging that brought them in to them. So they second guess themselves and become uncomfortable trying to balance a faux equation in which too much weight is put upon the friction aspects.


“You see, I don’t want to do good things, I want to do great things.” ~Alexander Joseph Luthor

I know Lewd Ferrigno personally.

Wow, thanks for the quick replies Kevin, Twat and rush:

You guys really have some insight on this topic, and I really thought about what each of you said. I just talked to her for awhile tonight, and I am really encouraged from it. We basically made plans to go hang out together, get dinner and stuff like that. Before she was very hesitant about doing anything but hooking up. I have a feeling that she will be more and more open the more we get to know each other. One good thing that has come from this is that I have a lot more confidence, and it’s finally dropping into my head that this is REALLY what gets a guy chicks. I really started working out after we first started sex, and I have picked up PE as well. I figure that as long as I improve myself physically and get more and more confidence, I will either keep her or I will meet someone else. If I can control my emotions, and turn this into a learning experience, I think it will benefit me overall.

CD4


"Been that way for years and years, a slave to broken hearts and sex appeal."

That’s awesome, man, good for you. Yes, confidence is what a girl likes. They want a guy that believes and sticks up for himself, no matter the predictament or cause.

I’m very glad to hear you guys are going out. Keep your cool and be yourself and you should be fine. I look forward to hearing how things go.

Everything is a learning experience, even bombing out and crashing like a Kamikaze, but let us do our best not to jerk the wheel to the right and see how tough the edge of the railroad tressel really is.;)

An informal relationship doesn’t have to mean just sex. If one cares to play a few cards a certain way, one can emerge as fun to be around 24/7. If one gets really good, they understand that foreplay starts the moment you see her or even before. The build up as they like to say.

Anyhow, whatever you do, don’t try and force or corner anyone into a relationship really. See where it goes, otherwise they start to get this, I picked the wrong dude to have a no-strings relationship with. Believe me, I have sailed the Titanic straight out of the sea loaded with flammables and headed straight for Lakehurst one boring day to meet a Zeppelin. So profit from my burns and scars.


“You see, I don’t want to do good things, I want to do great things.” ~Alexander Joseph Luthor

I know Lewd Ferrigno personally.

Originally Posted by twatteaser

Anyhow, whatever you do, don’t try and force or corner anyone into a relationship really. See where it goes, otherwise they start to get this, I picked the wrong dude to have a no-strings relationship with. Believe me, I have sailed the Titanic straight out of the sea loaded with flammables and headed straight for Lakehurst one boring day to meet a Zeppelin. So profit from my burns and scars.


This is great advice.

If I could get ONE concept across to you young guys, it would be this. This is a little hard to get, but if you can, it is the key to a lot of freedom and success, and happiness.

As Twat was refering, not trying to corner someone…put in another way, NEVER try and MAKE anything happen with someone.

Enjoy being in the moment COMPLETELY…and SEE what happens! Of course you can and will want it to go a certain way, but don’t start trying to figure out all the angles and the moves, etc, etc. Just BE with that person, enjoy them, love them if you do love them…and just let it be what it is going to be.

Living life well is very much like surfing. You can’t MAKE the wave come, you wait for the wave, THEN, when the wave does come, ride it if you want, or let it pass…its your choice. In the mean time, sit on your board and feel the joy of being alive in all the beauty that surrounds you.

Trying to MAKE things happen, force life or people to behave or feel a certain way, is not only a waste of time, it is actually COUNTERPRODUCTIVE and usually has the opposite effect of what we want.


Last edited by sparkyx : 11-08-2007 at .

If you can’t keep an erection with or without her, I would say it’s not her that is the problem. You have a problem maintaining an erection. What medications are you taking? Propecia causes ED and is one of the most common medications for guys to take. Marijuana might be making you paranoid, but as a long time consumer, it only helped my sex life. Thinking about it too much will totally kill an erection, but look into other factors that could be causing this. What is your height/weight? Fitness level?

Originally Posted by certaindeath4
Ya they were pretty poor when I was in the shower or whatever. However, I haven’t looked at porn in about a week (longest time in prolly 10 years for me) and I had rock solid morning wood, which made me feel extremely excited. Thing is, I feel absolutely no attraction to porn or masturbation at this point, which is great. I still feel desensitized though, both emotionally and actually physically ( takes me a while to get going).
Just to add; with porn, I had to consistently see more and more to get hard. At first I was ecstatic with some boobies, then it went to sex, anal, double penetration etc. Etc. Not sure if this kinda progression is normal for someone watching lots of porn, but I think it’s a huge factor in this whole problem.

Wow, I was exactly the same. I think the modern world is gonna fuck up a lot of kids, imagine being 10 years old now and having Internet in your bedroom. The kids of the future are gonna be hooked up on all kinds of freaky shit porn before they even start talking to girls.

I was same, started softcore- pics of celebs with clothes- naked pics- solo movies-fingering- dildos- full sex.and so on.I won’t even mention half the shit I ended up watching but stuff like trannys and other weird shit. It took extreme stuff to really get my hard and get me off. Ok thats embarrassing but I’m quite anonymous here.

Anyway, hang in there bro.

Kingdong,

Hey man, I think we’ve both seen shit that would’ve made us get sick a few years ago, its amazing how far porn can lead you. As for the fitness question; I am in pretty good shape, weigh about 170lbs. @ 6’. I’m not on any medications nor have I had any health problems in the past. I work out about 4x a week, so I really think it is just a mental thing. I was ready to go and get things taken care of with her, but she ended up getting hurt long boarding, bruised ribs and such, so she’s out of commission for at least a week or two. She was surprised last night when I said I wanted to just hang out, she thought whenever we saw each other, we’d basically just be getting naked and that was that. So I’m going to chill with her this weekend, take it easy without any expectations and not having the pressure to perform during sex will give me a chance to just be with her and not worry.


"Been that way for years and years, a slave to broken hearts and sex appeal."

My advice to you is to stay emotionally unattached through not desiring her. I know this sounds difficult, but it is the ability to not care either way that will ironically cause her to want and chase you because we value things that don’t come easily to us. Moreover, have something better to do with your life than impress this girl: working out is a great start. Accept reality for what it is and don’t idealize this girl because it will only end up hurting you. Realize you are a person of worth and worthy of a beautiful woman. Good luck.

Originally Posted by rushmore
Maybe the fact that she said she was only looking for a “fuck buddy” so to speak, had the effect of planting a seed in your subconscious that you HAD to be good since that was all she was after. That would fuck me up too.

^Agree

Originally Posted by rushmore
Maybe the fact that she said she was only looking for a “fuck buddy” so to speak, had the effect of planting a seed in your subconscious that you HAD to be good since that was all she was after. That would fuck me up too.


This has kept me from performing up to my potential on a few occasions. I don’t know if this helps you any certaindeath4, but it’s something else to thing about. It’s amazing how you can put more pressure on yourself than anyone else can. And trust me it’s unnecessary pressure.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with having the feelings you’re having. Don’t let other guys and their macho bullshit convince you otherwise. Lots of men will tell you that those kinds of feeling aren’t normal for a guy. That’s just bullshit from guys who haven’t found who they want because they don’t want to grow up.

CertainDeath, what’s the latest news with the lady situation?

Sorry about the delay guys, I had an interesting night last night. Basically, we haven’t hung out because she has been hurt, and now that she’s healed, its that “time” of the month for her. But anyways I picked her up last night around 1am, and we sneaked into my room (I live with light-sleep, uber-religious parents) and hung out for a few hours. I was able to get an erection almost instantly and this got her really excited. I had only masturbated twice in the 10 days or so since I last slept with her, plus zero porn in that time period. We had also been exchanging some pictures over the phone, and I think mentally all this flirting and picture-sending maybe made me more comfortable. Getting back to last night though, it was not all perfect. We couldn’t have sex, but she did go down on me. However, I could not come, even with basically everything besides intercourse. She wanted me to come on her (gah!) and I kinda played it off due to paranoia. This was somewhat true because I don’t have a lock on the door, and every time we heard a noise, we had to stop and wait. This may sound weird, but it almost seems like we are going in different directions when it comes to attachment. Unless I’m just reading her totally wrong, it seems like she is more and more attached. She wanted to cuddle this time and talked about her life for awhile. I on the other hand, am becoming more and more comfortable with just having fun. Honestly, if she told me she wanted to stop today, I would be okay with it. Before, I would’ve been crushed. So we are supposed to hang out a lot in the coming days, and I will let you guys know how it turns out. But that inability to come bothered me.

CD4


"Been that way for years and years, a slave to broken hearts and sex appeal."

I hate to sound like a manipulative bastard, but if you want to test her on the whole fuck buddy thing, then use this new found confidence of yours [generated by the realization that you are sexually desirable] and start playing the field.

And then let the ex know when someone else is interested.

It’s amazing how folks claiming to only be interested in a fuck buddy realign their values when they aren’t the ones in control.

Right now she’s setting the ground rules- she wants to get laid NSA [No Strings Attached].

So give her the bone and no heart- play by her rules and let her know it- not to be nasty, but rather in a ‘this is a great idea- we can have fun together and still have fun elsewhere’ way.

Why take this tack?

Because apparently you aren’t prepared to walk away [my first reaction, much like that of other greybeards [“GBs”] here] and save yourself the sturm und drang that will inevitably result for the reasons stated by those selfsame GBs.

So if you insist on getting your hand slammed in the car door, it might as well be you doing the slamming.

And who knows what might come of it?

Maybe she’ll change her tune if she isn’t the one calling it.

Maybe with the pressure to get laid off your neck compounded with this confidence boost will cause you to be open to meeting someone new, someone that you can connect with mind and soul first without the body pressing the stakes.

Regardless,
Luck & length.


WE are the 99% 'WE are the people you depend on; we cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls. We drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Don't f&ck with us'-- Madame DeFarge

"Rope trades @$10 a yard. I wonder if they even know that?"- Capitalist

I wouldn’t sweat it, man. You’re already making strides compared to where you were, so you’re doing alright…give yourself a pat on the back. Next time it’ll be even better…plus she didn’t seem too dissapointed.

In regards to where this is going: Just keep going at it the way you are. Try your best not to get too attached cause this does seem like an awkward relationship. Your heart will tell you what you need to do. But for now, get over all your insecurities and have fun with this girl. She may just be the key you need to regain your mojo.

Day by day, my man, day by day.

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