Help needed - SO SCARED

Guys, I’ve been trying to put this out of my mind, but I’m really getting upset.

Basically, I’m 21, and a virgin. I’ve met a girl online, who I met in real life about 5 weeks ago, and I’m absolutely crazy about her. She’s coming to stay with me in 10 days, for 6 days. We really adore each other, so, so much. We talk every day without fail, for hours and hours at a time. She thinks I’m absolutely gorgeous, and really cares about me.

Anyway, we’ve basically both said that when she comes to stay with me, we’ll most likely end up having sex. She’s even gone on the pill in preparation. She’s more sexually experienced than I am, and has been in long term relationships before and had sex. She knows that I’m a virgin, and that I have literally ZERO sexual experience of almost any kind.

When I was last with her, I was getting erections just from kissing her and having her close. However, being predisposed to worry and stress out, I began worrying about the fact that I’m on medication (anti-depressants, Effexor-XL 225mg) that inhibits my sex drive. That seed of worry has essentially become a lot worse, and now I’m beginning to dread the concept that I simply won’t get an erection when I’m with her, and that I’ll disappoint her and let her down, or that she’ll think less of me or think I’m pathetic.

Up until about a week ago I’d get turned on just talking to her on MSN about wanting to be with each other etc, but now because of all the worrying I’m doing, it’s all I can think about.

In case it isn’t painfully obvious by this point, I have issues with depression and anxiety, particularly anxiety, all of which she’s well aware of. She’s even aware of the fact that my meds inhibit my sex drive, and that I generally only get an erection if I sit down and summon one. We’re very open, and in love, and it’s the first time I’ve ever been on the cusp of going this far and being this vulnerable with a girl, and I’m so, so desperate for it to go well.

I also realise that by worrying so much, and stressing out, I’m just making any problems I could have more likely, but that just makes it harder for me not to worry.

I even tried to drop down to a lower dosage of my meds to get back some of my old horniness, but I got bad, bad withdrawal symptoms, and have felt 10 times worse all yesterday and today. Suffice to say I’m just going to stick with my regular dose.

I just talked to her, and it was the only thing on my mind the whole time. I’m so, so scared, guys. I don’t want to fail at sex the first time I even try it, and let down the girl I love. I seriously feel like crying. I don’t know what to do.

I’m guessing that the physical closeness that you will experience during the build-up to actually having sex, such as the kissing and eventual foreplay will make you aroused enough to have sex.

From what I’ve heard from others, most peoples’ first times aren’t like some perfect porn movie. But if you both really care about each other as much as you say, then it will still be special. Dude, she adores you and thinks you’re ‘gorgeous’ so you have nothing to worry about. Do you have any idea how many people out there wish they had something special like you described?

Lastly, if you are really that worried about how your first time will be, you could read up on sex and how you could make it better, particularly in the area you are especially worried about.

Good luck man :)

A-HW

The first thing you should do is relax and stop worrying so much. This worrying will be a big objection for you and for her. Starting with a positive mindset is the way to go.

Do some research on sex techniques here at thunders or at :google: . This way you walk into the bedroom with enough knowledge to give her pleasure, which will skyrocket your confidence and lets her come back.

Hey Bro

Don’t worry when she kisses you and grinds up against you just go with the feeling. If you can get yourself hard than you don’t have a problem. Hopefully not being a virgin any more will help you want to get off the meds. The fact that you have been honest and she knows your on the meds she will understand and work with any problem you may have but I doubt it being your first time you will have any. Last resort tell your doctor to give you a script or some samples of Cialis

You will be an old pro after 6 days. Forget about and enjoy yourself.

I’m with Thunder on this one. Just enjoy yourself and as an insurance policy I would speak to your doctor and tell him whats up and get a script for Viagra and be done with it… Make sure you put it in her grease spot prior to the vacation coming to an end and GOOD LUCK!

RWG

Yep, that’s what I’d do, too.

You have 6 days. For days 1 and 2 give it a whirl au natural. If you try to have sex and are too anxious, have a tab of Cialis handy for day #3. She seems like she really likes you, so two misfires won’t be a big deal.

Of course, if all goes well from the get-go there is no need to use the Cialis at all, but having this “escape route” might ease your nerves even without having to use it! (If you do go the Cialis route, try it out once or twice on your own to see the effects before using it for real.)

If you were getting erections from kissing her and holding her close you will be fine.

She will remember what it was like her first time too, and she sounds a well sorted person.

Don’t put any pressure on yourself; let her lead. Go along for the ride. As the boss says, after 6 days you’ll have forgotten that you had any worries.

Enjoy yourself!

Bottom
Well Don’t worry As you said she is experienced .
I think if some thing went wrong she will make it right so don’t worry she will handle it.
Just wait to enjoy the ridding .

Don’t think about having sex, just plan to have a fun time. Everything else will happen naturally.

Bottom, I’m way older than you,and my last encounter with a beautiful girl that end up in bed, was almost a disaster, first I had premature ejaculation, she would touch me, I would finish in my pants, then she got very offended, because I told her I actually have some moral issues, and I don’t want to have sex with her. Eventually I told her the truth, she laughed and then I had the other embarrassing problem, couldn’t get it up, I mean I could but not 100%, being actually afraid that I will finish before I start. Bottom line, open up to her explain your situation, and go from there, and don’t worry to much about your anti-depressants, I’m on cymbalta and I was afraid I’ll have problems with my sex drive, but after couple of weeks, I realized was nothing. My sex drive was there, better than ever ( I think)

Bottom, I would worry about this either, just look forward to the visit. Start planning on things to do, like a stroll at the park, a movie, a trip to the mall or to the zoo, a nice dinner. Think about thing like that. It sounds as though you guys can have all kinds of fun. The sex will come and you will be ready for it.

She seems like a great great gal’. I wish I could meet someone like that.

I’m sure if you’re still worried when the time comes, explaining the situation to her wouldn’t hurt at all. She obviously cares a lot about you, I’m sure she would be understanding.

Let us know how it all goes.

I understand you are nervous,but I also envy you.Your first time will be with a girl for whom you have feelings,and who is rather experienced.

You should just relax and enjoy the ride-you are open with one another,and she knows you will be nervous and she will probably make you relax because she wants you both to enjoy it.

You are lucky-because you have optimum conditions for your first sex,and 5 more days to repeat it.

Lucky bastard!!

Here is my two cents.

My first time I was 18 and by the time I was in her I was so horny it did not last very long (less than 5 min). She knew it was my first time and that I would get better. Sex is journey not a destination; enjoy the journey, the pleasure along the way. Most women I know like to be “teased’ until she is begging for it.

Communication is a big part of dealing with humans (no matter what the reason). Ask her questions about what she likes. A great tip from Nina Heartly’s videos is for her to rub your ear lobe as hard as she wants you to suck (her erotic parts), lick (her erotic parts) or slam you meat into her. This can help communication and can help with comfort until you are more comfortable with verbal communication. Listen to her moans, does she push to you or drawing away, these are the signs you should watch. It does not hurt to ask “How do you like that, or is this (do something different) better?”

Sex is about two people sharing a mutual bond and the ultimate pleasure (thus why we can get addicted to sex). Take your time with the foreplay. Most women can have many orgasms; use your fingers, tongue, or toy to get her off. After a few good orgasms, she will cuddle with you for the rest of the night and that is a great gift (IMHO), you can feel here resting on your arm, “trusting” you and you get the Tarzan feeling of “protecting” her.

If you are afraid of a quick trigger, it is better to have; her (or yourself) make you cum then move to sex when you are erect again. You can finger and/or perform oral sex with out an erection.

And most of all enjoy yourself. You need not give any details about you encounter unless you wish to share it. Think of her feelings before you share anything about your first time.