Serious Long Term Injury - Help Required
Before I continue could this thread please be moved to the injury sub forum please? I spoke to a moderator and was told that this would be okay if I requested. Thanks.
Right, where to start.
Prior to the injury I’m about to detail I’d been doing infrequent PEing in an attempt to add a little length, but primarily girth. I was inexperienced, and my only experience had been infrequent jelqing and the technique where you try push more blood into your erection, as you would if you were ejaculating, I’ve forgotten the exact terminology.
This had been for no more than 2 or 3 months on and off, the only negative I’d experienced was a slight sharp pain in my penis when doing the latter exercise.
Then, like a dumbass, I starting experimenting with doing an Uli. I wanted to gain girth, and I was being reckless, in hindsight.
The injury occurred while doing a makeshift clamp, I was holding the base of my penis with a O grip, and was working up an erection. While doing this I held the head of my penis to prevent blood getting into my glans and to concentrate the expansion totally on my shaft.
I’d hold the pressure until my shaft could expand no more and I’d let go intermittently. It created a real swell to my shaft and I had those occasional red spots on my shaft from the expansion, I’d read that this was nothing to worry about however and was a good sign, so I continued with this technique.
I’d done this a few times and a tried it another day.
This time, I did the above, but when I released my glans and the O grip, I noticed a discoloured and raised bump at the corner of the tip of my urethra. It had been where my grip preventing blood entering my glans wasn’t entirely effective, it was an isolated spot where blood had entered and expanded while the rest of my glans remained at a near flaccid like state of expansion.
Imagine blowing up a balloon and there being an isolated spot that you place pressure on and it stretched the latex in that area greater than the rest of the balloon, that’s the analogy I’d make.
Anyway, I quickly pressed this lump down, and then stopped my makeshift clamping completely. But what remained was a slightly discoloured part of my glans, that was desensitised
Bad enough, but no great big deal I thought. The area was only small, and besides that all seemed okay.
However, while masturbating a week or so later, I noticed that the head of my penis was expanding much larger than it would usually, while my mid my shaft wasn’t getting fully erect, then while ejaculating this discrepancy grew even greater, and I felt a sudden tearing sensation. A truly bizarre feeling, but not particularly painful. Just incredibly disconcerting, l knew immediately what it was. I looked down and what was once the small isolated spot where the excessive stretching and bump from the previous trauma took place, was now 3 times larger.
My theory at the time, and now, was that when I ejaculated the pressure of the increased blood into the glans placed stress often the previous tissue injury, stress that it couldn’t take and it gave way.
Anyway, this area had now stretched to cover around 30% of the head of my penis. The area was slightly paler than the rest of the glans, which were a healthy purple colour.
This area was heavily numbed and desensitised.
Over the next two weeks I tried to refrain from masturbating and sexual contact completely in order to allow the trauma to settle.
Following two weeks I tried to masturbate, as I hadn’t the confidence to attempt to have sex with my girlfriend at that stage.
This time, after ejaculating, the left side of my glans opposite the injury, separated by my urethra if you look from above, had swollen and was raised noticeably, hugely in fact.
I knew what this meant, I felt the area, as numb as the opposite side. I cannot begin to write in words how soul destroying that was. I literally cried, I knew I’d totally fucked myself up. I had been holding out hope that the trauma would be isolated to the original spot, but it wouldn’t, and it wasn’t.
At this stage I didn’t even have a correctly functioning erection. My shaft wouldn’t reach full erection, while the head of my penis/glans would just expand and expand, beyond what it should be. Not crazily so, but noticeably so.
Again I’d make the balloon analogy, normally you can only blow it so far, and it’s capped - your glans can only accept so much blood before they reach capacity and then expansion stops. Well after these injuries my glans would expand that bit more, there was no cap.
Every time I got an erection, the very act of having an erection would create further trauma to the glans.
I would be left with a literal cracking of the tissue, from where the surface layer of tissue couldn’t take the strain. The head of my glans looked sore every time after I attempted to masturbate, the appearance was similar to a bruised tomato.
What followed was months of gradual deterioration.
I had a shooting pain travelling from where my glans meet my shaft on one side of my shaft, the pain felt as though it was deep in my shaft. My urethra was literally stretched slightly from the excessive expansion that now came from a routine erection, and my ‘pee hole’ (can’t think of the correct terminology, sorry) literally became larger due to this.
This lead to occasions where I’d be in the shower and be brought to my knees in agony from the sensation of warm water passing over the urethra tip, the pain firing through my body as if someone had jammed a hot poker down my urethra.
As the sensation was now almost entirely absent from my glans, the last real place where there was sensation was what is usually the most sensitive area of your glans - where your foreskin joins your glans. However even the sensation there was heavily dulled. My theory was and is that this area received less excessive expansion and tissue trauma from an erection.
During this period I was waiting for an appointment to see a urologist, I’d seen an experienced practitioner at a sexual health clinic and was told he’d seen or heard of nothing like it. My penis looked fairly ordinary while flaccid, apart from the minor discolouration, and slightly larger and more pronounced urethra tip - although you wouldn’t know if this was unusual for myself unless you knew what it looked like prior to the injury. (This is important as it has meant I have had difficulty getting recognition of my problem). However this practitioner was concerned and did state that he recognised some kind of nerve damage.
I saw the urologist and was told he could readily identify nothing, all he could do was speculate about nerve damage. There was nothing that he could provide in terms of surgery or otherwise that would solve my problems with nerve damage and loss of a normally functioning erection. I was told I could see a sexual counsellor!
In short, I was fucked.
Fortunately, after a period of several months having an erection eventually stopped creating further significant trauma to my glans. However, there would be flaring, reminiscent of the ‘cracking’ tissue I described earlier.
My erections became more typical, with mid shaft expansion etc, but I found it difficult to get fully hard. When I did that would create the aforementioned surface trauma on the head of my penis/glans.
This has continued to this day, albeit the flaring is rarer. The injury eventually plateaued, and stopped getting worse. However, it isn’t improving.
That’s where I’m at now. 3 years on from the original injury, 3 years.
That period of stress and despair really almost screwed me up, it was absolutely soul destroying going through all that and having medical professionals tell you there’s fuck all they could do, you were on your own and your sexual future was effectively gone as you knew it.
Since then, I’ve had sex, and there is almost zero pleasure. I am impossible for a woman to bring to ejaculation. I can’t feel the warmth of being inside a woman, and often I feel nothing whatsoever but mild sensory input, like rubbing the outside of your forearm.
The only saving grace is it can occasionally vary, sometimes a can feel that mild warmth of pleasurable physical sexual stimulation, even if it is dulled. Most times my penis feels cold to the touch, the worst way of demonstrating it would be by telling you to hold an ice cube to the top of your glans. 9 times out of ten I can’t feel that, all I get is a delayed and dulled pain response after a few seconds. Other times I will feel it, albeit not greatly.
That is the only saving grace. That is the last shred of hope that I have, at one stage all I wanted was the actual function of a normal erection, I’ve got that as good as I’ll ever get now I think, but I desperately want to recover that sensation, as much as I can. I’m a realist, and I likely know that the sensation will never be the same, sex will never be the same, and as depressing and soul destroying as that is, something is better than nothing, and I’d like to improve what little sensation I have.
I’m only in my mid twenties, and I really find the prospect of living the rest of my life with such an unfulfilling, frustrating and utterly depressing sex life incredibly daunting. I really try to put it out of my mind, but it’s meant that my life is effectively on hold. This whole episode has really fucked up my whole perception of life, as a young man, if you can’t have such a fundamental pleasure as enjoying sex, then what else is there?
Sorry for the woe is me bullshit, but I’m just finding it really difficult. I’m a lot cooler about it then I was ( as is possible ), but it’s been an incredibly slow process of coming to terms with it, and I’m still not there. It’s hard to accept.
But, I post this as I want to know if there is anyone out there in this community who might know what I’ve done to myself? I know there are a lot of intelligent people on this site who are very knowledgeable on this topic, people who have first hand experience with injuries, people who have visited genuinely experienced and helpful medical practitioners.
Do you have any idea what I can do to help myself? What I can do do recover as close to what I had as is possible? Anything?
Honestly, anything would be welcome. I’d welcome any input or help that could prove useful.
Anyway, thank you guys, for hearing me out and reading this giant post. Thanks guys.