Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

Amping up the routine for my last IPR set. Really going for gusto on the trauma side.

Session notes

Put on subliminal,
Edging for 20 minutes
5 Intense TG Squeezes Warmup with bending (20 second durations)
Edging for 30 more minutes
3 Clamps used 7 minutes
5 Erect Bends (10-15 second durations)

Orgasm’d after 7 clamped minutes. First clamped orgasm.

Other notes

Warmth in glans after TG Creeping Squeezes, plus good flaccid glans hang. Also corona seems more pronouced

After heavy warmup and heavy edging after the squeezes, erection quality for clamping was low

Stimulation and engorgement was higher than normal. This led to me going over the edge and orgasming well before the planned end of my session.

Oh well.

Session notes

Put on subliminal
Edged for 20 minutes
4 Intense TG Creeping Squeezes

Other notes

More mushroom look to the glans post workout flaccid- Seen here: Lightweight girth routine redux: Uncensored

Easier to do 5 squeezes, may move up to 10 or move into P-Phase soon

In the last two days I’ve been playing around with measurements. Nothing official of course. But I am getting a feel for my PE destiny. And measuring a few times in the last few days I’ve seen a MSEG high mark of 6.375” which is .25” above my current girth. Additionally, I’ve seen 0 marks below 6” at all. So it is continuing to trend upwards. I’m curious now if my new plan may be of use. But I don’t have a computerized pump to try it with.

I think I will likely see more MSEG trending upward as I ran the clamps hard on the mid shaft this campaign as well as the intense TG Creeping Squeezes.

I am contemplating a serious hanging run. A 60 day trial. Right now I’m rustling up cash for the weights and the thing to connect to my Bib that holds them. I think I can make it work this time but…still want my computerized pump! Need Vacu-tech Pulsar! *sighs*

Will update if new developments occur, like the official start of the campaign.

I’ve been playing with the backside of the ruler. Looking at it. Empirical measurements have defined my life and translation into inches is why most of us (from the US) are here. But I pose the question to all of you who don’t use metric.

Ain’t squinting at gappy marks between an inch kinda crappy? Because you have to count then math out what the actual fraction is?

My defense of metric is it uses smaller division, meaning cm are smaller than inches but naturally are more precise. Plus hashmarks are mm (1/10 of a cm) and that’s easy to math at a glance. And…smaller divisions…make measuring smaller gains easier. Which matters for long time PE guys who are seeing small gains more than large ones. It puts in perspective my size and fluctuations

My length varies from 23 to 23.5 cm. Which is 9.05-9.25 in inches as expected.
My girth is varying from 15.4 to 15.7cm. Which is 6.06-6.18 in inches (not counting the sporadic appearances of 9.375” which have come multiple times, I suspect I have a vein that sometimes contributes to the girth measurement now.)
My flaccid length varies from 16.9 to 17.6cm which is 6.65-6.92 in inches. Which is around what I’m accustomed to seeing in this hot weather.

The Metric measurements pin down my erect range more precisely. And honestly, it is easier to see a gain after a workout. Or I theorize it would be. I haven’t measured in metric after a workout, as I’ve been on decon for 3 weeks now and only on this metric idea for about 2 days. But, perhaps this is a good time to start with metric and use digital converters when I want inches.

Tune in next week. Official measurement day for June coming up. I feel and look bigger. This is one of those times I tell you to let the ruler be damned. I’ve been crappy on my Ruler Discipline. It hasn’t left my desk and I’ve measured a few times this week, obviously. But…*sighs* Only human. I’ll see what I can do and lock it up now.

Good thinking in all ways. I as a European measure metric by heritage and have it automatically converted to inches in the spreadsheet.

The reasoning about smaller units allowing more discrete measurements is quite convinging to keep slow gainers happy and motivated.

Maybe we should launch a TP petition to make metric units a TP standard. Again, the ruler and tailor tapes manufacturers would notice a sudden sales boom in the US and in the UK - just in the metric version this time.

TP helps the global econonomy :-)

I can see your argument. *laughs*

New goals are 24.2x16.5cm and that’s only .8cm away on both fronts. Makes it sound far more reachable. *nods*

Congrats on your success to your goals. May I ask through your experience, what should one start working with first, length or girth.

In my experience, focusing on neither really mattered for me. I honestly, for most of my PE career just did what I felt like with what I had available. It’s more a matter of consistency and being careful than it is anything else.

Or the better question: What brought you to Thunder’s? A desire of length or girth?

So, if you’re reading this…you likely have followed my porn struggles. I’m porn free, or so I would like to be. I have been since around late Feb or early March of this year. However, a method I just played with…and it works for me so far is going to be described below.

My porn is images, captioned or not. I actually don’t go in on videos and this method may not work as well for the video consumer as sound is tricky to trick the brain into hearing.

I looked at an image. And it evoked certain feelings in me. I could feel the dopamine drip, like a glow and a tingle from my head on downwards. And of course, with the friction and the mindset to masturbate I feel the impending orgasm. Within a few minutes.

But…about halfway through this process. I closed the image file. And I start holding it in my mind’s eye. And I start changing it, looking at comparable situations of sex I’ve been in, with my current partner. I hold them close and I play back some of my favorite parts of my partner (keep in mind my orgasm is still impending) and while I orgasm, the thoughts of my partner are at the forefront.

And at the end, I’m still unsure which image I looked at to start with. My memory of the session is of masturbating to my partner. And furthermore…thinking of porn makes me think of her. And once again, the zombie porn folder (cuz I managed to salvage my old HDD for the other files I needed) has died.

It may or may not work for you. I’ve only tried it after a long period porn free and moving my partner to my fantasy mental files feels like a win for me. I’m still working on it but it’s a good thing, in my opinion. If you have to consume porn, perhaps this method may help you. It feels…like doing it one time may have been useful. I doubt I’ll be headed back.

You launch the petition? Having more seniority and authority as mod that should be an piece of cake for you.

Just converting the measurements database and putting a sticky in bold shiny red letters on the home page: “TP has finally discovered that the large majority of the wolrd is metric measurements, so we adopt to it. Members still using imperial measures will be publicly spanked, tarred and feathered starting July 1st 2017.”

:-)

The concept was good. But…two doses of porn was enough for any positive effect. After the OD, inevitable when I saw myself repeating the same pathology of porn consumption that I know I’m good for, what positive effect there was is offset by the negative effects.

If you are recovering from pornography addiction avoid it at all costs!

To continue, from where I left off. Five days later, some of the progress I made is gone. Erections at will are now a struggle again, though erections on provocation aren’t ruined. Just damaged. To detail why I did it in a nutshell: Pride.

First, I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle porn. I wanted to be the guy who could deal with it after having struggled with it. But…like many alcoholics never can socially drink, porn was a poor choice on my part to go back to. Clean for about 4 months? Starting again. From 0. Today is day 1.

Second, more pride. My dumb ass has the folder on my old hard drive with the poison in it. Salvaging files I needed was the perfect excuse to play with fire but…those pictures were also part of my inspiration for PE. The truth being much of the material I used is simple Tumblr pictures, captioned. Many of these are cell phone pics taken from the same angles that I take my own dick pics from (cuz that’s the easiest angle in the world) and many share the same aspect ratios because men typically take the pics from around belly button height or a bit higher. So…I went back because I wanted to see how I stacked up, head to head with men making porn. Hubris, at its finest. Most of the men in question were in fact smaller than I am. Let me emphasize how unimportant that is. Statistically and academically I knew this. Seeing it gave me a charge but it is like sipping cyanide knowing better men than you have died. Would you to prove you could? Rhetorical question.

None of this mattered to my dopamine reflexes. I found more excuses to indulge around 6 times over five days. I can’t even remember what the excuses were, like a crack addict and the stories of why he needs more money. Yesterday, having done so twice. Now, it’s hard to get aroused without too many of those images in my head. It’ll be Viagra for sex for a month or two. Maybe sex outdoors. I have to literally overwrite all of those images with images of myself as the star. And lately I haven’t had enough sex, due to my bum knee and the brace on it, to get that done.

However, I will overcome. This is Day 1. Porn free, clean and mentally clear. I slipped of my own free will. I will not pretend otherwise. However, I have the strength to make it back. I will make it back on my own.

Wow TG, I am sorry man. I feel like I know you personally after all your helpful posts. Your a awesome dude with a huge dick and good brain, go slay some pussy and work it out man. I will say as a long term porn guy, as I started PE I realized the two together are like a 2 part explosive. Watch some funny you tube videos that suit you or whatever trips your trigger. I simply can not do PE and porn successfully and the Lady is glad I watch less porn. Win-Win, but damn….lesbian porn….come on, give it up guys for lesbian porn orgies…who don’t like that?!

TFG

That is a highly inspirational lecture. You understand your addiction deeply and you exactly know what to do. That impresses me. Wish I could do that reflection for my cigarette consumption!

Since I got active again on TP, I am so much more aware of my own porn consumption, as this topic is often discussed in ED threads. I realize my behaviour patterns and it starts to disgust me. In consequence, my level of consumption goes down. And I do not feel the urge to look for moments of privacy for a shot of porn.

Therefore, I cross my fingers for you and hope you succeed, as I will succeed. Like in AA: everyday telling myself this is a porn-free day!

Thanks Dave. I’ll take your “awesome dude with a huge dick and good brain” comment and sub out ‘dick’ with ‘heart’ just because…*laughs* The odd social norms of Thunder’s Place are so unique.

I know my weaknesses. It’s the only way to ascend past them. I went out and shot a bit today. Worked out some of the funk I was in. Some of my better work, some good focus today working with a target I don’t normally.
**Edit: Attached below with my hand holding a single cartridge for scale.

I am a human being but I do not have to accept flaws. I can be better and I will be.

Everyone who has ever done a thing to the point of self-destruction knows exactly what they are doing, after the nth time. Coming to grips with a self-destructive behavior pattern is often more traumatic than the behavior itself is. Hence, while consuming porn (in secret, one way to know it’s a bad thing) I only felt slightly bad when I orgasmed. But the day after, I felt far worse because I understood this is a thing that I worked to get past, that I undermined my own efforts and achievements for what is the shortest term pleasure I can describe.

That…is what truly hurts. Knowing I handicap myself more than any amount of porn ever could. I made a conscious choice each time I did it. I own that. I am hurt in the struggle because the fight isn’t with pornography. It’s within myself.