Self Esteem

Personally, I suffer from low self esteem - wishing I looked more like other people, disliking myself, finding it difficult to talk to others etc.

From my experience of reading various posts, small penises and generally feeling inadequate cause low self esteem in some, which leads me to wonder if a lot of members are very much self concious and over-critical of themselves.

How many of you here at Thunder’s think of yourself as having low self esteem?
If so, how do you deal with it, if you do at all?

P.S. This is not a request for help with my own, it’s just out of interest and in the hope that it may also help others.
P.P.S. Apologies if this threads been done before, I searched and found no others.

Thanks, AHW

Having a “small penis” is not the cause of low self esteem: it’s a symptom of low self esteem.

Many of the “small” guys here are perfectly average.

GM

When I perceived myself to be small, I had no issues with my esteem. I was kicking ass even then.

Since you have already mentioned that dont need advice, I wont give it to you. If you do change you mind, Let us know. Growing/dealing (with) your esteem needs support, which you will find plenty here at Thunders.

Personally I always had high self esteem. I really love myself and living life at my conditions, experiencing the beauty of life. Never got how someone can have low self esteem, blaming things on others and sabotaging their own life for which reason what so ever. You stated in your original post that you don’t want help but if you change your mind AHW, let me know. I have some things that can help you with this and I am sure many others have too.

Thanks for the replies. I don’t blame others, I know it’s my fault.
Seeing as all of you seem to have self confidence and high self esteem, I suppose I may as well ask for advice.

Thanks godofdeviltry and Bird2

Great idea for a thread.

Low self-esteem is something we all go through from time to time. In many ways it is necessary for us to effect change in our lives.

That said there are certainly varying degrees of this condition and people can get stuck in patterns that cause the bad feelings to pile up. Generally speaking the way to combat this, in my view anyway, is to get out of your head.

Depression and low-self esteem are related to being overly analytical and critical, when that focus is turned inward it can easily lead to despair.

The way around it is: don’t think so much. First off, don’t think about yourself, put your attention outside yourself. If you can totally let go of thinking that is ideal. Transcendental meditation is one method: it connects you to your inner life, your inner energy, while in a non-judgmental, non-intellectual zone.

Another way of overcoming this is fast-paced high intensity physical activity; this literally takes you out of yourself because you don’t have time to think. Racket ball, dance classes, various kinds of team sports, all these are good: they put you in circumstances where you must put your focus outward, react and DO, rather than think. They also raise your aerobic function, and give you an endorphin rush - so physiologically you respond as well.

Yoga is another way, and it is interesting because it combines the physical exertion with the meditative state. You get the best of both worlds: strength and flexibility training and relaxation and meditation. Regular practitioners of yoga have a profound sense of well-being.

Diet is also key. Simple sugars are the ENEMY, seriously contributing to negative self-worth issues. A balanced high-fiber diet will drastically alter one’s outlook. And let’s not forget Omega 3s, particularly DHA (found in fish oil); essential to a more positive brain chemistry.

Improving all of these will combine for a sense of personal accomplishment, self-betterment and well being; success is good for the self-image.

Things to consider Aim High?

Thanks, I couldn’t find any threads like this so I thought I’d write my own.

I think I’ve decided to withdraw my statement of ‘This is not a request for help with my own’, because I guess I need it as much as anyone else.

I find that many of your posts have great insight into the thread topic so thanks for the reply, this one follows the trend I just mentioned. :)

I have recently been thinking about meditation and how it could help with other things, but only after reading your post did I realise it may help with self esteem too. I had read an article in which John Frusciante of The Red Hot Chili Peppers meditates and finds it helps him with his guitar playing and the whole music creativity process.

I think I’ll take up running again with intervals, because recently I’ve slipped on the excercise side of things. The diets also going to need a revamp, which if you are correct, will help with the feelings, and also will improve my body image with which I have a problem.

Thanks again, AHW

Well, now. It appears we have conspired to make Willis feel like he is the only one.

That’s bad on us, I guess.

Let me just say that I have gone through times of extremely low self-esteem. Rarely is it dick-related. More often than not it is about feeling powerless and ineffectual.

These are phases. But they can get quite severe.

In my case it led to a nervous breakdown some years back (Mr. Happy indeed). Life can get very dark.

Our job is to find ways to keep ourselves on track. Over thinking is huge in this regard.

Stop.

Stop beating yourself up. Step one. This is hard when it has become a habit.

Don’t let people fool you. They get down too. You are absolutely not alone. And I’m sure there are plenty here who have not posted who have gone through or are going through what you’re going through.

A book that really helped me was The Revolution Within by Gloria Steinem. She talks about improving one’s attitudes toward one’s self and the world around one. It was very nuts & bolts and a quick read. That and a heavy gym schedule really pulled me out of some major depression.

I have to be careful though: it’s easy to slip back in. It’s a constant fight, but worth it. :leftie:

Mostly I’d say find something to DO. Yoga?

I’m sorry to hear about your past problems, but I admire you for pulling through Mr. Happy.

I agree on the causes at times, the feeling of a lack of control over things can play a major part especially in combination with other things.

I know I am not alone, but as I’m sure you know it can feel that way sometimes.

I’ll check out ‘The Revolution Within’ when I get the chance so thanks for the recommendation.

AHW! Acceptance of your own drawback is the first positive step to take towards a better life. I really appreciate your efforts to address your problems in the forum. Its not easy doing so. It takes courage to open up and show where you lack. Great going man.

Apart from all the physiological things that happy mentioned, It would also be worthwhile to examine a few other things. Firstly, a “never say die attitude” helps in moulding you. When you try hard and fail, you can still go home and sleep well knowing that you tried your best. So practice this outlook.

Secondly, remember that you are as good as the guy you are competing with. NEVER GAUGE YOURSELF LESSER THAN YOU WOULD GAUGE HIM. Always believe that ” You can do what another man can”.

Thirdly, Dont get caught up in “yesterday”. Move on. Try not to blame yourself for your failures or screwups. Even the best of the best have a bad day and you are only human like them. So keep point number 1 in mind and move on to your objective.

Fourthly, Find happiness in little things you do. Appreciate yourself for small good things you have done. Walk slowly but never backwards. Tell yourself that you are the best and you can kick some butt.

Fifthly, Dont bother comparing yourself with others. Its the worst you can do, atleast in the negative way. The only person you should compare yourself with is YOU. Do some introspection. Every now and then step out of your skin and look at yourself. Make points about where you can do better.
Dont think about what you dont have. Instead concentrate on enhancing what you have. Make that your USP.
Sixth, maintain a healthy life style. Eat well, sleep well. Workout in the gym It will make you look better and increase your confidence. Groom yourself . Always dress well and wear a smile on your face.
Most important thing is Learn to give to others and you’ll find immense joy. Joy from within will set you free. Be happy. You are doing just fine.

Self esteem problems come from my opinion from being overly critical, like Mr. Happy already said but also from other things. Social conditioning is another reason. Ever noticed that little children don’t have self esteem problems. You are born with natural self esteem but unfortunately your parents, teachers, friends and even your fat, smoke addicted neighbor Doug has given you self esteem problems through social conditioning.

I realise that this is kind of vague but I will tell you a story about my personal life which makes things clear for you:

When I was 12, I was a junior at High school. One day I came to school and my 4 friends, with which I hanged around with nearly all the time, came to me telling me that an ugly broad is in love with me. Naturally, I didn't believe it and didn't want to hear anything about it but they nagged at my head the entire day, telling me that I should tell her that I am not in love with her. I countered them by telling them that they should tell it themselves but at the final hour of the day, I got so tired from the nagging that I didn't want to hear it any longer and told her that I am not in love with her. She replied that she wasn't either and my friends keep on laughing and having one of the best times of their life by humiliating me.

For them it was an really funny thing to do but they didn't realised the consequences it had on me. I was humiliated as never before, my honor was offended and I sworn to myself that this would never happened to me. Later during high school, I was becoming attracted to girls and they to me. And not average girls but hot ones. I think that during the last two years of high school at least 4 girls where in love with me. And they where very clear about that. I find them attracted to but did anything happened from it? Did I kissed them? Did I banged them? Did I gave them one hell of a time? No! The reason: social conditioning.

Because of that joke my friends took out with me, I didn't believe any of the girls, whatever they told me. I still thought that my friends took another joke with me and they used those girls to achieve it. I sabotaged my own success, missed a really good time at high school because of that one incident. Because I have sworn to never let anything like that happen to me again, I didn't achieved a relationship at high school. I even didn't kiss a girl during that time :( .

This sabotaged my success with girls until I was 17 and I stopped it then by allowing myself that it could happen again. I still wanted to protect myself against it happening ever again but the toll that I had to pay was way to high.

Finally I would like to add that reading the book “Unstoppable Confidence” by Kent Sayre can help you to terminate any problems you have with self esteem. I read it last January and my already high confidence has doubled since then.

Great advice godofdeviltry, a lot of those points hold true and I’ll refer back to this thread when I need reminding of what to do. I used to find myself looking back at what I failed at and could have achieved a hell of a lot which alwas brought me down, but I’ve learnt that you can’t change it, so you should learn from it instead in bettering your future.
Thanks again for the advice.

I hope that anyone else who is just reading this thread who experiences trouble with self esteem and self confidence gains positive things from the advice of the other posters, even if they do not say anything themselves.

I’m sorry to hear your story Bird2, friends can be great people but also bastards.

Social conditioning has definately played a part in my opinion of myself, but I will not go into that now. All I can say is I’ve not had much luck with girls and now I don’t even try because I ‘know’ how it will turn out, even though I KNOW that it doesn’t always end negatively.

What I have learnt from studying psychology is that, while conditioning can be very strong, it is reversable, which I hope will help me and everyone else.

I’ll take your book recommendation into account too, with all this reading I should end up sweating liquid confidence :) .

Try and look up programs by Tony robins. He is awesome

Will do godofdeviltry