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Stopping/Controlling Anxiety by Any Method

Good last point. My BDD was worse when I was younger. I didn’t wear shorts or short-sleeve shirts, etc. I thought I was too skinny. If anything, the SSRIs seem to really help with my BDD, I think. I wish they helped with my performance anxiety.

I also have an obsession with wearing the same style of clothes. I wear army-type cargo pants that have lots of side-pockets and only really loose t-shirts. All the same style, same brand, just different colours. I’ve always been like this. My wife feels like smashing my face in. You guys have any such oddities?


Starting Size: April, 28, 2010: NBPEL-7" Girth-6" (base, MSG, glans)

Currently: BPEL-8" NBPEL-7.25" Girth-6.25" (base)/6.125" (MSG)/6.125" (glans)

Originally Posted by bohm
I also have an obsession with wearing the same style of clothes…All the same style, same brand, just different colours. I’ve always been like this. My wife feels like smashing my face in. You guys have any such oddities?

I do.

If I find something I am comfortable in, and I think looks ok or even good, I buy the same thing in different colors. I found a long sleeve polo shirt I liked from the Gap last year, so I bought 8 of them in 8 different colors. Drives my wife crazy too, so I often let her pick my “nice clothes”.

She says my T-shirts are too baggy and I should buy more form-fitting stuff. I am just not comfortable in tight stuff.

I found a pair of sneakers I liked, so I ordered 3 of the exact same thing online so when one pair wears out I will have another exactly the same. (I am afraid they will stop making them — which actually happened!)

I am very much a creature of habit, clothing-wise and otherwise.


My Before and After pics -- .5" gain...

Originally Posted by bohm
I only got relief from clonazepam from about 1 hour after taking it and it lasted for ~4-8 hours (depending on dosage used)… Realistically a 1-1.5 mg dosage (all taken at once) had some impact on my anxiety my first 1-2 years. After that I had to use 1.5-2 mg all at once to have a major impact on my anxiety. If I took 0.5 mg it was almost useless, except maybe for the first few days I used it.

Is it possible clonazepam can make someone more anxious?

And if it is “right for you”, should you know right away? (I know with SSRIs it can take weeks to kick in, but benzos are “right away”, right?)

I ask because after .5mg, I didn’t feel any release of nervousness and relaxation kick in. What I did feel was a slight headache, and slightly dry tongue. The next day I halved the dosage (.25), and while I didn’t feel a headache or dry tongue I felt a tad more anxious than normal interacting with co-workers.

Today I have a “lunch and learn” where food is served at work and we eat together and participate in a seminar — a situation likely to be anxiety inducing — and have decided to have no clonazepam just because so far it hasn’t produced anything positive for me.

(Maybe next week I should up the dosage and see the effect? But I need to try that on a “normal” day, since I am new to this.)


My Before and After pics -- .5" gain...

Originally Posted by commanderblop
Is it possible clonazepam can make someone more anxious?

Without knowing much about clonazepam specifically? I will say, “Yes!” Most of the benzodiazepines have the potential for a paradoxical reaction. For that matter, most off the host of psychiatric drugs in use today have the potential for Paradoxical effect.

Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradoxical_effects


Running a Massive Co-Front.

Anything is possible when you have anxiety. Especially, if you have a bit of anxiety about taking medication. In my opinion, it’s very unlikely the clonazepam is making you more anxious. If it works and the dosage is high enough it should start to work within ~ 1 hour after taking it. If it doesn’t work because the dose it too low or you happen to be one of the few non-responders, the expectation that it will work and it doesn’t may make you more anxious. Just my opinion.


Starting Size: April, 28, 2010: NBPEL-7" Girth-6" (base, MSG, glans)

Currently: BPEL-8" NBPEL-7.25" Girth-6.25" (base)/6.125" (MSG)/6.125" (glans)

Originally Posted by commanderblop
I am very much a creature of habit, clothing-wise and otherwise.

Fuck, we seem to have the exact same tendencies. You also scored high on the Asperger’s test. Any family history of mental illness?

My mom has serious BDD but she’s never seen a shrink and my dad has some mild social anxiety with Asperger’s tendencies. It’s hard to know how much is environmental and how much is genetic. My brother is a lawyer and he doesn’t seem to have any problems, except maybe moderate anger/rage/aggressive/dictatorial tendencies. But nothing too serious that seems to interfere with his life/work. I got the short end of the stick and he’s much taller and bigger than me, but I do have a bigger penis. Some consolation, I guess.


Starting Size: April, 28, 2010: NBPEL-7" Girth-6" (base, MSG, glans)

Currently: BPEL-8" NBPEL-7.25" Girth-6.25" (base)/6.125" (MSG)/6.125" (glans)

Commanderblop, it is possible to have adverse reaction to the medication as iamaru posted. However, I think it could probably just be that you don’t know what it’s like to take the medication and it’s making you feel different, thus you feel anxious. Kind of like what bohm said about being anxious about taking anxiety medication.

Again, do you have ANY history with benzo’s or drugs of abuse?

Originally Posted by bohm
there is absolutely no way that I will be able to work in my field…

but I have to pretend … so I can get my license back.

Anyway that you can segue into something very closely related? Something that requires your experience and your licensing but is just different enough that your brain doesn’t melt?

Some of the happiest, successful, professionals I have ever met were people that found a way to give themselves a lateral promotion.

Corporate lawyer that, after 10 years as a shark, realized he would blow his brains out if it continued. He switched to doing business forensics for some huge charitable organizations. His pay increases stalled out but he absolutely loved what he was doing.

Masters in Nursing, ER, surgery, charge nurse, and a dozen other certifications as well. Over 20 years as a nurse and she still loved it, but she was more than a bit burned out as well. So a sideways shift to a job that required all of her background, and gave her +$100,000/year out the gate. Special medical claims adjuster; malfeasance, abuse, neglect, death/injury, cover-ups and mini-conspiracies.

I have a few friends that are currently teaching at the local community college. Teaching draws upon all of their specialized skills and knowledge. And they have to maintain their nursing licenses or microsoft certification, etc. But they no longer need to cope with office or hospital hell.

My brother did any and all graphic art projects he could land after graduation. He used his sports connections ruthlessly, portfolio crafting in a big way. Less than a year and he had an impressive portfolio of projects. Enough so that, combined with his old boy network of semi-pro and pro extreme/alternative athletes, he was gold. Informal interviews over a joint whilst surfing, and just like that he was upper management in a very large alternative sports clothing line.

Bohm, be creative! Instead of thinking “outside the box”, cut up the box and make cardboard airplanes.


Running a Massive Co-Front.

Originally Posted by bohm
I got the short end of the stick…

My brother is a lawyer and he doesn’t seem to have any problems

Except for the whole lawyer thing.

And his cock is smaller than mine is.

Never mind.

Hey bohm, glad that you are keeping things in perspective. :thumbs:


Running a Massive Co-Front.

As part of my overall recovery, it is my goal to begin educating myself again, as I used to before I fell into the traps of addiction. Right now I’m reading “Motivation and Personality” by Abraham Maslow (an absolute genius of the highest degree).

I thought his discussion of personality dynamics, and particularly this quote were very relevant to this thread:

“In a secure person all his behavior expressions are interchangeable in the sense that they all express the same thing, I.e., security.” -p.37

In this section he’s talking about how personality’s and thus person’s are not the sum of their parts, but they are wholes, and one aspect of this is that parts of the personality are interchangeable if they serve the same purpose (e.g., a young boy throwing temper tantrum’s to get attention vs. A young boy being absolutely quiet and unresponsive to gain attention. Maslow says those two behaviors are interchangeable, that they both fit into the whole person). I definitely have to say I agree with him. That’s why when people have discussions about what or who is an Alpha Male, some try to identify specific behaviors, but others simply say that the person just IS Alpha; in this case, both are right. That’s just a simple example, not a full-proof for an argument; I know that it can be debated..

But my point is this: bohm, you were talking about how you are realizing all of these aspects of your life: your view of your body, your clothes, your feelings of competence, etc. That they are all dysfunctional and in each area you are crippled by anxiety (in your opinion, is what I have gathered). Well, that’s inevitably true because your person, as a whole is generally anxious, insecure, unsure, etc.

See for me, it’s always been, I’m very insecure around girls and even when they wanted to hook up with me, and openly communicated that, I often resisted because of that insecurity. However, in the classroom I’m more comfortable than anywhere else, especially if it’s time to take a test or a Final Exam. I get pumped up. This is because for so many years I overcompensated in school to hide my insecurity and feed the persona I formed, when really that behavior is just as interchangeable, I.e., it is dynamically synonymous with my behavior around girls — both expressed my insecurities, but to the outsider it appeared that I was a ‘different’ person in school.

Do you see what I’m saying? Does that make sense? I’ve just come across this passage, and it makes so much sense to me because it’s what I’ve been trying to change about myself for so long. First, I said I’m the smartest person in my high school, I’m going to crush everyone on standardized tests. Then, I said I MAKE the party happen, I got the best drugs and I have the most fun after my school persona fell apart because of my eyes (I only had 6% of my convergence eye strength when it was tested a year after leaving college freshman year). Then I went on this crazy work-out binge and did steroids, in part as a reaction to me herniating 2 more discs, but also to compensate and cover my insecurities in THAT area after I had quit selling drugs. ALL of these efforts fell apart, one by one. That probably does not happen to most people the way it did to me, in such rapid fashion. But it did, and it revealed my true character, that ugly shit I was trying to hide, and so I was trying to die (really, I was trying to die the whole time subconsciously after having to leave college.. That was the most shame I have ever felt, and will ever feel). I went to rehab, spent the past year working on myself in a more holistic manner, working to accept things as they are, and take one step at a time. It hurt a lot. In that time, my doctor fucked up, sent me on a mixed state psychosis and I attempted suicide and ended up in an institution. Then, I pulled myself together, made another attempt this summer, with more success. Now, I’ve had a breakthrough 6 weeks ago and I realize it’s not one part of my life that’s fucking me over. It’s my WHOLE PERSON that’s inhibiting me. I have to change EVERYTHING. I am going to be a fundamentally different person.

I guess my message is this: focusing on area alone to give you more confidence might work for a short period of time, but you’re always going to be stuck with you. I know that’s a universal message across this forum for guys trying to make their dick bigger so their whole life improves.

I hope that made some kind of sense.. Lol.. It was really a spur of the moment thought from reading that line in this book that connected so well with what I’m trying to do with my life, and what some people on this thread describe in how anxiety impacts all aspects of their lives.

Originally Posted by iamaru
Bohm, be creative! Instead of thinking “outside the box”, cut up the box and make cardboard airplanes.

iamaru,

I’m trying to find any doors. Here’s my problem. I basically chose a profession where the primary job activities center around dealing with people’s health/drug problems. I have performance anxiety and Asperger’s tendencies. It’s not only my anxiety with dealing with people that’s the problem but I find I don’t much enjoy being around too many people. I know I’m not anxious around some people and yet even then I need and prefer my privacy.

In my case, I think I’ve been choosing the wrong fields, because I was told to go in them because of economic/interest incentives. Maybe I would have been a lot less anxious in forestry, geology, etc. but I find those fields very boring. From a purely academic interest perspective, I like the health fields (medicine, nutrition, exercise physiology, pharmacology, etc.) but I can’t apply it practically because of my anxiety and my desire not to want to work with people. I thought of doing some research but I couldn’t deal with all the presentations, kissing ass, grant applications, etc.

For me, I feel like I have a fear of flying and I became a pilot. I’m trying to find something less people-oriented to use my degree in. Unfortunately, industry and hospital work also requires dealing with people.


Starting Size: April, 28, 2010: NBPEL-7" Girth-6" (base, MSG, glans)

Currently: BPEL-8" NBPEL-7.25" Girth-6.25" (base)/6.125" (MSG)/6.125" (glans)

Bohm are you currently doing any kind of therapy for your anxiety problems?

Yes, I’m currently taking 10 mg of escitalopram (lexapro in the US). It’s pretty useless, in my opinion. No side-effects. I’ve been on it for ~7 months.


Starting Size: April, 28, 2010: NBPEL-7" Girth-6" (base, MSG, glans)

Currently: BPEL-8" NBPEL-7.25" Girth-6.25" (base)/6.125" (MSG)/6.125" (glans)

Originally Posted by bohm
Yes, I’m currently taking 10 mg of escitalopram (lexapro in the US). It’s pretty useless, in my opinion. No side-effects. I’ve been on it for ~7 months.

Well, I suppose that is drug therapy, but I meant some form of interpersonal therapy, as in working with a therapist?

Originally Posted by bohm
Fuck, we seem to have the exact same tendencies. You also scored high on the Asperger’s test. Any family history of mental illness?

Yes. My mom suffered from anxiety disorders, and was even diagnosed with Agoraphobia. My dad has self-diagnosed himself with depression, which I believe is accurate. He is also a chronic bullshitter and a hermit, although he did well enough by “important” societal terms (good education, high income). In the parenting department he was shit, in my opinion.


My Before and After pics -- .5" gain...

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