My Bib Hanger Adventure
I thought that everyone who is into hanging might appreciate this. I went to the West coast recently on a business trip. I knew that I would have free time in the evening, so I thought that I would take my hanging gear. I actually packed three weight plates (15 lbs) in my suitcase. I agonized about whether or not to put my Bib hanger in the suitcase or to carry it on the plane in my computer bag. I remember a post by Bigblackstick (whatever happened to him, by the way?) where he had a similar dilemma. Well, I decided to carry it on in my computer bag. As you know, they Xray everything. I took out my laptop and put it on the belt and put my bag on the belt. I cleared the metal detector and waited for my laptop and bag to come through. They came through and I thought that I was home free until I overheard the Xray guy say, “What the hell is that?” I started to put my laptop in the bag in anticipation of a hasty getaway when another guy asked, “Sir, is this your bag?” I said yes and he asked me to bring it over to a nearby table. He asked if he could look in the bag and I said yes.
When he found the Bib he said, “What’s this?”
I said, “Its a medical device.”
He said, “What’s it for?”
Since I had already thought this all out, I promptly responded, “It is designed to correct a curvature of the penis.”
He looked at me with a serious expression and said, “Do you have a curved penis?”
I said, “Just a little.”
Then he asked, “What’s this hook for?”
I said, “That’s where you hang the weights.”
He got a shocked look on his face and said, “Weights! How much weight do you put on it?”
I said, “About 15 pounds.”
He said, “Holy shit! You mean to tell me that you hang 15 pounds off your dick to straighten out a curve?”
Up to this point, we had been kind of off to ourselves since no one else was near the inspection table. However, as you might have guessed, his last exclamation brought a couple of nearby security people over including one woman.
I thought to myself, “Oh shit, here we go!”
Apparently one of the inspectors who came over was a supervisor and he asked, “What’s going on?”
The guy I had been talking to said, “Jim spotted this thing in this guy’s bag.”
The supervisor asked, “What is it?”
Before I could say anything, the guy blurted out “He says it’s a medical device.”
The supervisor asked, “What kind of medical device?”
Again, before I could say anything the guy said, “He says it’s for straightening out a crooked dick.”
The supervisor looked at me for a second then looked at the Bib.
I glanced over at the woman who was smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Finally, the supervisor said, “We better do a wipe test on it.”
Surprisingly, throughout all of this I was very calm and did not get embarrased. Of course, the woman (about 50 years old and of Latin descent) came over and continued to watch. The guy took the cloth patch and wiped the Bib from one end to the other. He then put the patch in the machine to see if there was any trace of explosive material on the patch. The guy then asked me to take off my shoes and he checked them too.
After they determined that the Bib was safe, the guy said, “Doesn’t it hurt to hang that much weight off your dick?”
I said, “No, not really, but you don’t start with that much weight. You have to work up to it.”
He shook his head and said, “You’d think that it would stretch it out all the way to the floor.”
I replied, “No it won’t stretch it all the way to the floor, but it does stretch it.”
The woman, who had been totally quiet up to this point, became immediately interested and asked, “How much?”
I asked, “How much what?”
She said, “How much does it stretch it?”
At this point, embarrassment suddenly began to set in. After a slight pause, I said, “Well it varies from person to person.”
Undaunted, she asked, “Did it stretch you?”
I replied, “Yes.”
Insistently she asked, “How much?”
Now I really started to get red in the face, but I thought “Oh, who cares.”
So I replied, “A little over an inch and a half.”
She looked impressed and said, “Wow, really?”
I nodded and asked, “Can I put this back in my bag now?”
The guy said, “Yeah, sure.”
I walked away and thought to myself, “Man, I’m going to pack this thing in my suitcase on the way back.”
As it turned out, my Bib broke as I was starting my first hanging set. This turned out to be the second part of my adventure. It broke at the top where the wingnut tightens the hanger down. A piece of the plastic broke off, thus providing no surface for the wingnut to tighten on. I figured that I was screwed until I suddenly got a bright idea. “What if I got a big hose clamp that I could put around the Bib to compress it together?” So, off I went to Home Depot. I took the Bib with me because I wanted to make sure that I could get the clamp around it. I asked a clerk to direct me to the hose clamps, and after he left I proceeded to try and find one that would fit. After a few moments I figured out that I could bend the clamp to the shape of the Bib, but I had to run the end of the metal completely out of the crimper in order to get it around the bolts on the Bib. I was totally engrossed in this and was oblivious to everything and everyone around me. After deciding that it would work, I exclaimed, “Allright! This is going to work.” Well, you guessed it. There was a guy standing right next to me watching the whole exercise. Finally, the guy broke the silence and asked, “What the heck is that thing?”
I started to walk away and said, “You don’t want to know.”
I then went back to the hotel room and got a few sets in. So, for all of you hangers out there - PUT YOUR HANGER IN YOUR SUITCASE if you decide to take it with you on an airplane.
ps. I e-mailed Bigger to let him know that the Bib broke. He sent me another one out immediately - no charge. It was there waiting for me when I got home. This is another example of what kind of a guy he is. THANK YOU BIGGER!!!
Jelktoid :trash: More meat for the money!
Last edited by jelktoid : 08-29-2002 at .