What are things that I can do to build confidence

Hi everyone. I have some questions and since I don’t really know where I could find answers for them, I thought I would try here. I know it’s sad that I am looking for advice in a PE forum but this place IS all about building confidence right?

Let me go ahead and start..

There is a girl that I liked. She liked me too. Right after she met me, a week later she met another guy. She liked him too. During the summer, my life took a turn for the worst. I was homeless and struggling. I had no home, car, or a job. I was a mess. While I was struggling, she began getting closer to that guy. I don’t know if they are together or not but I am assuming that they are.

She once told me that actions speak louder than words and now I am here. I have stabilized my life and I am trying to rebuild my confidence. Be different. Be better. I still don’t have a car or a job but I am looking into those things. For almost a year, I was practically in the streets. I’m going to be 24 this year and I feel like a kid. I want to gain back my confidence. Just that you all know, I am not doing this for her, I am doing this for me. Even still, I want her to see a different me. A better me that would make her feel like.”I’m missing out something great”.

Number one, I have began working out again and I am looking into a job and a car but I want to do more. So here are my questions..

1. What can I do to show confidence (I.E. Do I talk to her or not?)
2. What makes a person confident?
3. What are things that I can do in order to show her (and others as well) that I have things under control?
4. Any suggestions of things I can do?

5. Lastly, are there any websites or forums which could really help me out with this? I’m extremely determined.

Thanks guys, I hope I get replies. I know this is silly but my goal is to be seen as a man who can really hold his own and stands out from the rest. I am a humble person and want my actions to speak for me. I want my confidence back and I am going to do everything to obtain it so please help me!

P.S.

Again, I know that it is pathetic to post something like this on this website of all places but you have to start somewhere. Maybe you all could direct me to a better website that could help me.

May sound weird, but learn as much as you can about your thoughts-waves/ feelings, and how they play a VERY VITAL role in how people treat you. Cannot stress this enough. After some testing, you’ll see what I mean.

Always be the “I Can and I Will,” kind of person. People will pick this up subconsciously. This includes girls and employers.

” I can get the girl/job/car.and I will.” Doesn’t matter if you succeed or fail. What matters is the fact that you know that you have the capabilities within yourself to get the job done. This kind of thought process helps me calm down, relax, flow. Takes pressure off and creates an indifferent, but confident attitude.

You’re in a good spot, man. I know it doesn’t seem like it, lol, but it’s making you dig deep and learn. Hang in there.

You’ll get any kind of answers. These are my personal views:

1. Yes, you should talk to her. You should be open and never lie. Better you try to avoid touching topics that make you uncomfortable than lying. Never be resentful either. What’s a difference between a man and a boy? Well, men do know that shit do happens and don’t waste their time crying on it because won’t help.

2. More than anything else, your social status. This means you can be more confident when being together with some guys - say people like you, who have lost their job - than with other, because the way they see you will make you feel not confident. Sadly, if you want your condition changes, you’ll have to pass experiences that will tend to lower your self-esteem. This is the price. But it’s not you, it’s just the way things work.

3. Uhm. This is a bit vague. You should always be calm, never spend too much time arguing about something, plan carefully things that are requested - say you want to have a dinner with her: go some minutes earlier than you should meet, check how much the dinner will cost, if they serve things she likes better. Little things like that.

4. The most immediate thing you need is to find a job. Right after, a car. More generally, you’ll have to be able to speak with people: strangers or significants, about everything or nothing. Ability in social interations always pays.

5. I very much doubt.

@Bellcross, Thanks man! I didn’t really think about that. That actually explains a lot. “I can and I will” kind of person.I like that. I’m going to remember this one for sure.

@Marinera, Thanks for pointing me the direction. I feel more confident hearing this. My question number 3 WAS kind of vague so I will go ahead and elaborate on that. During the summer, me and the girl talked over the phone and she asked me, “Can I be courageous? Can I make her feel safe?”. The answer that you gave me was exactly the things I was looking for.

If anyone else wants to throw in some advice of their own, please don’t hesitate to do so. I’m all ears. :)

You choose your path. It is rather impossible to try to change your personality, so if you are looking for personality traits that you’d like to have, I would suggest sticking with what you’ve got. In other words, be true to your character. And as far as advice goes, be it from somewhere on the Internet or on a forum like this; take what you read with a grain of salt. Don’t invest yourself in someone else’s words. Even mine. You are really the only person that knows what you have to do or accomplish to succeed. Keep it real.

What you have to understand is that all confidence is “situation dependent”.

What does that mean? It means the only way you become confident in any situation is by doing it. I’m not a doctor and I’ve never played one on TV either. Do you think I’d be very confident performing open heart surgery on someone?

It’s the same deal with chicks. The more you fake it until you make it the better you become. Then one day it clicks and you wake up thinking; I’m the fucking man! I got poontang coming out of my ears!

Seriously, There is no magic formula. Jump in with both feet. Sure you get shot down. But if you don’t let it rattle your cage too much, you’re on to the next one, or her sister.

I really should learn to read the entire post / thread before I respond. I assumed this was going to be another one of those; I’m standing here with my dick in my hand and can’t close the deal so I’m a loser threads.

Marinera does give some good advice.

What’s the first question anyone ask you when you meet them? “What do you do”? Why? Because as Marinera pointed out, we are judged by what we do. At least in this country. Men are suppose to be “productive”. Hell we’re all suppose to be able to provide for at least ourselves. As you found out, it’s kind of hard to do with no job. It’s why Hemmingway wrote; ANY work is NOBEL WORK. Of course now-a-days most assholes will disagree with that statement, but never the less you get the point.

[Funny side note; you know why the garbage man is the most popular guy at the high school reunion? Because nobody wants to talk to the guy that did better than they did in life. Sorry to all you sanitation workers but that’s just the point. People love to judge (define) a person by what WORK they do or what PERCEIVED social class you belong to. The whole social class thing is fucked up also.]

I’ve been through a little bit of this myself lately so I can relate. The no “real” job and my car died back the day before thanksgiving. Actually I was thankful that POS did finally blow up.

But again as Marinera pointed out. No job, no car, equals no money, AND …. in the world of women, little to nothing to offer. Sucks doesn’t it? The only thing you can do is shrug it off and keep trying to go forward. Don’t get caught up in the beating yourself up spiral who’s end result is complete immobility and failure. Don’t get caught up equating what’s going on on the outside with the real you on the inside. A woman, or the desire for one, can amplify this negative mindset for you as well. Which is why people tell you to; “get yourself together first”.

It’s good advice. Don’t put the cart before the horse. You just wind up playing “catch up” far too often and guess who the horse really is? It’s just that sometimes the timing of meeting a really good girl sucks. You tell yourself that; if only things were different, I know she would fall in love with me. Then you use it to crucify your self esteem some more.

Really you already know what the answers are. You need to get a job. At this point, ANY job. Who gives a fuck if it’s not THE job. It’s only a stepping stone on the way to reinventing yourself. And it’s some much needed MONEY! You probably need to get a car also. You might have to get that job first and then again you may have to get a car first to get that job. But if you’re desperate enough, there are other ways to get to a job until you can get a car.

As far as what you can do to show this chick you have it together? Well for starters, stop putting so much value on what this girl thinks of you. Do what you’re suppose to be doing in order to get your situation turned around and she’ll see it. Do it for her and you’ll end up hating her, your job, your future house, your future kids, yourself, and life itself, the first time she rejects you. You can’t design your life FOR or to WIN OVER other people. Stick with “to thine own self be true” and you’ll never fail yourself and a lot less likely to fail others also.

What can you do? A wise old man once told me; if you want to be successful at anything, then you need to get with the people who are successful doing what it is you want to be successful at. Don’t wast time listen to the people who tell you you can’t do this or that (because of their own fears and jealousies) or those that sit around all day dreaming and pissing and moaning about the way things “should” be.

Make it happen. “Get ‘er done!” as Larry the Cable Guy says. The more you do THAT the better you’re going to feel about yourself and the more things are going to fall right into place for you.

Now get your ass up in the morning and suit up! You got shit to do.