What is it that ACTUALLY drives me to desire a bigger penis? My perception? My self-esteem? My past experiences? Society? Women? Other men? Competitiveness?
It is probably a combination of some or all of these things. There was a time when the size of my penis meant absolutely nothing to me. I can remember those days, back when I was 12-13 years old. I was still a virgin and hadn’t discovered “Pent-hours forum”, pornography, and back when I didn’t fully understand dirty jokes. I was young and had just discovered that my penis was a brand new WONDERFUL source of pleasure. It didn’t matter what size it was, it made me feel great. I loved my penis (often).
Then somewhere along the line things changed. I don’t remember what cause it. Again, it probably was a combination of things. I was suddenly growing self conscious of my penis. Was it good enough? Was it big enough? Around the same time (age 14-17) I became self conscious of a lot of things (which is common during the teen years). My body (too fat, not muscular enough). My face (pimples, can’t grow a beard, not handsome enough). My personality. (not confident enough, do people like me? Do women like me?)
As I grew older many of these issues went away. I am very confident in my over-all appearance and personality. Yet 2 things stuck. Body & penis. I desperately wanted a nicer body and a bigger penis. I have since (from age 17 to current, 34) purchased over $16,000 worth of weight training equipment and work out regularly. I am in great shape and have become very confident in that way. I have also done quite a bit of PE and gained 1.25” length and .75” (over 1” base) girth. Yet I am still lacking confidence in this area.
In reality 7.25” X 6” is a big penis. Is it the biggest? Absolutely not. Is it big enough? My perception says, no it’s not big enough. Why isn’t it big enough? I don’t know. I have never had any complaints about the size of my penis. As a matter of fact, most of the women I have been with have told me that I am big. Yet I still want more.
Who am I trying to impress? Why am I doing this?
My recent conclusion is that I am scared. I am afraid that my lover (or future lovers) will not find me as desirable as some past guy, because he had a bigger penis. Or that my past lovers will find a guy with a bigger penis and think less of me. I want to stand out! I want to be the best!! (as I’m sure we all do.) But who determines what the best is????
The answer is, I determine what the best is. My issue with the size of my penis is more of a psychological issue than a physiological issue.
If only I could recapture and hold onto that old attitude I had when I was just discovering my penis. Then size wouldn’t matter, what would matter was that I could receive great pleasure from my penis.
I guess what I’m wondering is; would I be happier if I simply accepted and was confident in my ability to give my lover and myself sexual pleaser? Would I be happier if I could convince myself that size makes no difference? Would my lover be happier if I was confident in my ability to give her sexual please and completely unconcerned with the size of my penis?
It is difficult to keep your self esteem, self confidence and personal perception on the positive side. Perhaps these are areas that I need work on as well. I enjoy PE. It makes me feel good in a similar way to working out making me feel good. Yet, I can take it to an unhealthy level if I become too obsessed with it. (and I have a nasty tendency to become obsessed with reaching a goal, even if the goal is unrealistic.) When I get back into PE (an I know I will) I will re-evaluate my routine and “take it down a notch”. I can be happy with my current size, and I will be working on my self confidence. I will also (at some point) continue my PE.
Just something I was contemplating lately.
"PUT THAT THING AWAY! YOU'RE SCARING THE LADIES!!" (I wish!) Sean Jacobs
1999: 6" EBPL X 5.25" EG ~ 2001: 7" EBPL X 5.75" EG ~ 2003: 7.25" EBPL X 6" EG
Current (Jan 2013): 7.125 EBPL X 6"EG ~ GOAL = 7+" (anything more is fine) EBPL X 6.5" EG