I came across this interesting forum a few days ago, and have just joined up because I found the posts especially interesting for, ahem.. ‘Personal Reasons’.
Let me tell you a bit of a background about me, and why I want to ‘upgrade the equipment’ a bit:
As a young man, I did not fit in with the other kids at school.. In fact, I was an eternal outcast. Humiliation, degredation, and pain were daily occurances, and the school system was completely unconcerned about the Hell that I went through [and impotent on the few occasions where they did ‘something’, which generally made things worse.]
In middle school, I decided to take swim class for my required phys-ed course because I loved to be in the pool. The class was one of the few bright points in my day, because I could escape the insanity and cool off at the same time.. Until the day one of the biggest, cruelest bastards in school transferred out of his course and came to my locker room. I’m sure you can tell where this is going, but it’s important to go with the story anyways. Okay, what happened? One day my avoidance tactics did not work and this guy comes into the locker room and begins giving me crap. I told him to leave me alone, so in classic bully form he forcefully took my clothes and then he [and his laughing accomplaces] not only made horrendous, dehumanizing comments about ‘my business’ but they also hit me and forced me to walk naked into the pool area where the girl’s class [and coach, I might add] were still doing their exercises..
I tried to be modest and hide my shamefully small package, but the thugs restricted my attempts and every person in there got a nice laugh at my expense - Yes, even the coach! - And I died a bit inside that day. Continued taunts by the witnesses and by all the kids they told later on continued right up until the day I quit high school, and some people even now make snide comments when they spot me, but the inner demons are the worst.. I’m certain that a lot of you have known them all too well as well, and I feel for you. I can’t count how many times a girl has been interested in me and I’ve lost out because those horrid little imps inside tell me ‘Your penis is so small, she’s going to laugh at you and tell everyone!’ or ‘You aren’t a man, you’re a little boy! A little boy who doesn’t deserve to enjoy the love and companionship of a fine woman.’ and this life has been quite lonely, with the few relationships I have had being with dysfunctional women who would go for the throat and oh, how shall I say “Knocked me down from Porn Star to Pee Wee League” when they broke things off [yes, THEY broke things off! I would put up with all sorts of pains, but when I would make a small error I was gone. I also attributed that to my obvious inferiority]
Now that I am older and have conquered many of the demons inside, I want to take the next step and remedy this ‘slight oversight’ of my being.. Not for any woman, but for ME. I do not ever want to feel the way I did that day in swim class, and every time I see my small, flaccid penis when I go to shower or use the bathroom I feel cheated. I want to be able to increase my ability to please a GOOD woman, and honestly I don’t feel like I’m big enough to satisfy a good woman’s libido.. The inner loathing and self hatred seems minor now compared to back then but I feel that it taints every aspect of my life to this day and it still cripples the ‘real’ me. I’m tired of hiding behind a ‘happy mask’ when even my own body mocks me, everything is NOT all right despite years of trying to fool myself into believing that it is. I have a small, unsatisfactory penis and that horrid fact has affected my life and happiness in myriad ways to the point where sometimes it is nearly unbearable. I want to change that sad fact, and that is why I am here. I want to learn how to fix this issue, because so much seems to hinge on size in this culture and I’m tired of being a sub-human.
As you can see, it’s a touchy subject for me. I want to change that.
Sick of playing in the Pee Wee League. Want a bigger bat.