Join the challenge! Porn detox!

Taking out porn from my life has probably been one of the best things I’ve done for myself this year. Untouched since May. That being said, I get huge triggers from words in titles on other forums I visit that have members sharing porn. I realize that all these years of watching porn have created such a fascination in text, even if it’s your generic “young teen blah blah blah.” The curiosity is the biggest battle these days… I just want to look and see what it’s all about, but don’t allow myself to.

Anyways, as for some of the things that have changed for the better… I look at every woman as attainable for the most part. I’m surprised at how shamelessly I’ll look at a girl in public without concern that she may catch me. Hell, often times they will, and I’ll see them looking back at me the same way or smile knowingly. In the past, I probably would have flinched or felt embarrassed.

Simply put, women are more attractive to me and seemingly more attracted to me. It’s a confidence that comes from being released from all the inhibitions/self-doubts that IMO are born in watching porn on a frequent basis.

^ Thermal; that curiosity is a bitch, isn’t it? ;) That’s been my downfall in the past. Porn gets released so frequently now, and in some cases gets hyped a month or two in advance. You spend a month away and there’s either a whole batch of freaky shit waiting that you couldn’t have imagined being made previously, or upcoming releases that tempt you to keep checking. It truly is the Coolidge Effect at work.

4 days in. I hate to admit it but the urge has returned. The only good news is that it may be in conjunction with my sex drive bouncing back. I very well might have a raging hard-on right now if I had some compelling external stimulation. Too bad the future wifey is not open for business. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to feel like, but I think the pressure in my prostate is building; it kind of feels like an ache in the general groin/testicle region. I’m also feeling irritable and restless, probably a combination of the T-level increase and porn withdrawal.

I find that most thoughts of porn disappear when I’m around other people at work or at home. Unfortunately I only work part time, and my girl and I sometimes work opposite schedules, so I have large blocks of time alone. I try to keep busy to take my mind off things.

Oh, another thing: I think things really went wrong when I got my laptop at the beginning of college. I had previously used the family computer to look at porn, located in an area that was “safe” enough to watch things on mute but sufficiently open enough to make jerking off an impossibility unless no one was home. I had friends who talked about rubbing one out right in front of the computer, and I thought that sounded too hardcore and risky for my taste. I think that having to “retain” things in my head coupled with the delay between viewing and masturbation kept my imagination intact and the habit in check. I would still sometimes jerk off twice in a row, but overall it was a far cry from that multi-hour edging/masturbation sessions that occurred when I could watch hours of porn in complete privacy.

Day 5: Eh…I still haven’t watched any porn or ejaculated, but I basically started edging while reading some of the hotter “relationship” stories on another forum. The “time warping” effect was in full force. Because it doesn’t create the same sight and sound “virtual reality’ as porn videos, the reading is probably less harmful in some way. The time wasting and artificial stimulation are the same though. I think that I’ll have to lay off most sexually related reading for a while as well. At least I have a threshold: if whatever I’m reading is engrossing enough to make me start edging, I shouldn’t be reading it.

^ I’ve been beating myself up over starting to fall into a trap like that, but fuck it: still porn free, and now I know another trigger/behavior to avoid.

Negative thoughts towards yourself when you slip is counter productive. Just as you said, take it as a learning opportunity and realize its another “hole in the fence” so just patch it. Pretty soon, you will be aware of all the tricks your mind uses, and it will be a huge help for you.

Just treat all this as a learning process and drop the self condemnation, its not needed or helpful.

Additionally, BossaNova, I am not sure the “no ejaculation” is that helpful. Just jerk off to fantasy.

Thanks for the encouragement Sparkyx. I was thinking about it and realized that my issues with erotica actually pre-date my issues with visual-based porn. During the infancy of the web (1997 to 1999-ish), erotica was available in more plentiful and varied supply compared to the meager selection of static porn images. I spent a good bit of my early teens reading erotic stories at the computer during the evenings; my parents were not the type to supervise or limit computer access. The erotica was replaced around 2000 when connection speeds and software (I-Mesh might have been the first in my circle) arrived at a point to allow for easy distribution and sharing of pictures and videos. I hadn’t thought about it for years prior to today.

Sta-Kool - The masturbation thing is just a one-off will power exercise to “prime the pump” so to speak. I plan to end it on day 7 or 8 depending on how I’m feeling. After that I’ll go back to once every 1-2 days. I would break it right now if my SO was available for sex, but since she’s not I’ll hold out for the extra couple days.

Last night I dreamed of looking at porn and masturbating to it. Even in my dream, I was trying to compromise and find a video to just listen to the audio of because I didn’t want to break my streak. Isn’t that crazy? Haven’t watched any in months, yet there it was in my dream rearing its head at me. I’ve fucked plenty of times these last few months and yet part of my brain is still hardwired to want porn. Wonder if that will ever go away…

With that recent article I read about dopamine release the “coolidge effect” I think I need to jump back in and get rid of the porn habit for good. Last week I deleted a stored porn collection (several months searching worth) and went a week without looking. I looked last night in a moment of weakness.

It just doesn’t seem healthy anymore. I’m joining the detox again.

So has anyone tried switching off porn and using hookers? Just curious.

Day 7: the intensity of pressure in my balls/prostate from not jerking off seems to have peaked on day 4-5; it’s been reduced to a mild ache since then. I made it to a week without orgasm, so I’ll probably close out that streak, get myself off tonight, and resume once a day starting tomorrow.

My libido appears to be returning gradually. I spooned with my girl last night and popped a rock hard one when I felt her flesh up against me. I’m also getting more of a rise from daydream fantasies than I have lately; things might increase to full force once the S.O. is off her period.

I’m doing well with few urges at the moment, though I have mini ones from time to time if I know that I have privacy or free time coming up. I keep telling myself that this is all or nothing. If I really want to alter my brain patterns, I need to go cold turkey. I don’t remember this period being very intense when I stopped watching porn last year. The hard part was when I got to the 3 week range and the time away had bred intense curiosity about what was out there.

Update: Confirmation on the libido slowly returning. Earlier today, the future wifey was bending over onto the bed to check something on her laptop. I saw it, locked onto her ass like a heat seeker, got up behind her, and started massaging her back. I was rock hard within a few seconds. I wanted to grind up against her from behind, but she doesn’t like me to get too raunchy unless she’s in the mood or has otherwise given the go-ahead (and this is not one of those times). Still, I bumped my bulge against her butt at least a couple times while massaging her to let her know I appreciated the view. Next week (when she can have sex again) cannot come fast enough.

I’m also considering buying her a large silicone dildo to replace our old jelly-rubber one that started to break down. I can’t figure out whether or not this is a no-porn side effect. :)

Update 3: I went to go spend some time fantasizing and edging, went too far too quickly, and only lasted about 5 minutes. I have to say, I’m feeling pretty relaxed. :up: