Back after a long lay off.

I’m sorry to hear about this latest set back. I know it’s easy for me to say, but hang in here! Go for a brisk walk or run to keep the depression at bay.

Thanks man. Yeah I’v been meaning to set up the home gym so I could hit some weights again. So this could be the perfect weekend to set it up and start my gym routine as well. I lost a lot of weight a while back. And I’m still loosing, but I’m actually very underweight for my length. (82.3kg or 181 pounds) So seeing as my wife is putting all her hope on her new diet, I might as well start to gym and diet as well and get rid of my fat pad and little belly I still have. I went down from 124kg or 273 pounds if you were wondering about just how much I lost.

Congrats, that’s a huge amount of weight you lost. I’m sure setting up the gym and training will help both of you.

I really hope it will. I’m just worried that lifting weights will push my testosterone up again and I will get super horny again like I was when I used tribulus. And of course take up that one lady’s offer to go fuck her. But guess its all in the mind.

I understand. Yes being fit will increase testosterone production. That said, you and I aren’t a slave to increased test levels. It won’t lead us to be powerless over our will and emotions. We do have a choice in how we respond to challenges.

That’s true. But I just like not wanting sex. At the moment sex isn’t close to being on my mind and I love it. To obsess over it because you’re horny but not getting any is very tiresome. But hey, I will see what happens. I hit the gym again. I feel so good about that. On the sex life matters things are still the same, but she says the infections are clearing. But it comes at that time of the month that every woman hates everything. So hopefully she doesn’t pick up another infection with that. Then we might be in the clear. Her blood tests are ongoing, but it is seeing some positives. But she also admits that she forgets to drink her pills, and then takes a lot of control for me not to get angry. You know how it goes. Lack of sex have you angry at random things. But hey, I manage to control it and carry on and support her instead of breaking her down.

You’re devoted support of your wife is so admirable - you’re a good man Pleasingthewife! Not judging you regardless of your answer but curious if you’re able to sustain having no desire for sex without resorting to porn? Good luck with everything.

QL

“Not judging you regardless of your answer but curious if you’re able to sustain having no desire for sex without resorting to porn?”

I”m very interested in PTW’s answer as I’m using this as excuse for my own porn consumption.

Well, to be honest, porn never really got a big hold on me. I never really liked how I felt after watching too much porn. A sort of guilt or shame feeling and then I would get horny and angry at my situation and the fact that I’m not getting any at home. My biggest problem is talking to other woman. I don’t know why, but woman are sort of drawn to me and always want to start up conversations and stuff, and its always tempting to talk to them, but then other temptations creeps in, like the other day I just complimented a lady on a picture and after a short while of talking she wanted to jump in bed with me. Of course I ended the conversation then and there. But that was very tempting. So that’s my big flaw.

Wow - thanks for your honesty and transparency PTW. What you said earlier had just piqued my curiosity because this (not resorting to porn to fill the void) is where I thought you were going.

Describing a lot of our situations. Porn can’t truly satisfy, is a poor substitute and ironically (when it culminates with masturbation), feeds the anger cycle so many sex addicts have. I’ve met very few men in SAA that don’t also have significant anger issues. The (huge) challenge is to have the patience to work thru the issues and to not indulge the anger because it’s so toxic to relationships and get to that place of intimacy where she wants to (or is at least willing to) have sex with you. Men tend to short circuit that if we don’t get what we need and a cycle is born and/or perpetuated. Not that you’d become a full-blown addict, but it’s amazing given your situation, that you’ve been able to resist falling into some version of this trap. Hat’s off to you.

That’s a fascinating problem to have. :) Kind of an unwanted curse of being a very effective pick-up artist and I’m thinking many guys would die to have that problem yet you identify this and handling these encounters as a “flaw”. Not to minimize your situation, but as a TV show featuring a shy, single guy with an impressive tool who’s an uber chick magnet (thinking of the HBO show “Hung” but with a whole different angle), “The Unwanted PUA” would probably be a huge smash.

Sounds like you are guilty of having “game” but you’re able to put on the brakes when temptation rears it’s head. From a Christian perspective, it is no sin to be tempted, only to succumb so while that’s difficult to pull back from, no harm, no foul, right? If you don’t want to go to the natural conclusion of these situations with other women, I guess one would just be cautious about indulging this capability when you see things heading down that path which sounds like a really difficult challenge. I mean, who doesn’t want any random woman he meets to want him or doesn’t want the ego stroke such encounters provide?

Anyway, the way you’re handling an incredibly difficult situation is very remarkable and I’m adding my voice to the chorus of guys that feel for your situation. Again, prayers for your sweetheart and for strength to keep walking this out. Good luck sir!

QL

Well firstly, thank you. I have never thought of myself as someone that has game. But I do have a big boost in confidence since gaining, and I guess the confidence with my father teaching me to always respect women and treat each as if they were your mother, (if you know what I mean, respect, love and kindness) then you can call that “game”. I love talking to people. Its interesting seeing things from their perspective give you a new perspective. Providing that they aren’t assholes of course. All I can say is that I’m trying. It might be difficult, but I’m really hoping its worth it in the long run.

This is definitely a very interesting thread! I can’t add someething from the Christian perspective, but from a moral point I know the guilt problem - just the other way round, not about porn but about the real world.

As I’m starving for regular, satisfying and sufficient sex with my wife since many years (read: roughly 20 years) my situation is maybe a bit more accentuated. I made two years ago a porn AND fap detox with good emotions from my side. But despite being a rather shy and passive man of the game, I started to get hunted by the ladies. As if they had smelled it that there’s a guy in need out there.

I am not proud but I failed and cheated. Several times. And during and afterwatds the guilt hit in. Maybe it’s a punishment.

So I have less guilt feelings if I consume porn or wank. I am not willing to give in to my porn addiction anymore, but I have to accept the consequence that my resistance to real-world sex offers will get weaker. But the longer this situation is unresolved the more I tend to accept my weakness in flesh and will give in if the occasion presents itself. Not actively searching, but not resisting either.

The most confusing thing is that I love my Madame as I never loved anybody until now. And she is the jealous type and as I love her I don’t want to hurt her feelings. But my needs are getting more and more out of control.

I am not looking for advice with this post. I just want to show how complicate things can get on the long run. And my fate and behaviour is not compareable or a role model for anybody differemt than myself.

I know how tough it is Richard. I’ve also been getting those offers. SinceI stopped the porn thing it is a bit easier to deal with as well but maybe thats just me. But my T levels took a serious blow about at the two month mark of now sex. Recently I started hitting the gym again and boy oh boy is that bitch back with a bang. I get woken up by my hard erections. So close to an orgasm when I role over to hold my wife some pre cum oozes out. So I have also recently taken to masturbation to help but still keep the porn at bay but it is challenging. And of course when you are weak temptation will hit. And today a lady that lives about 10 minutes drive from me said she would love to ride me and feel what everybody is talking about. I dont know how the word came out, but apparently Im known as the gifted one around here. And of course the wife is working late. And vaery late at that. So I have a major gap but just refuse to fall into it. Its not easy, believe me. It really isnt. Its really a battle against the flesh. But Im hoping its worth it.

Well, masturbation never was a real issue. I do it pretty regularly and not hidden at all - it’s part of our intimacy and that’s very good that way. Edging or wanking while being cuddled into her curves is really great. She even asks me if something is wrong if I did not masturbate for a longer time.

But it can’t be compared to be wanted by the woman I love and who loves me. And even less to having sex. And in the long run, this becomes extremely difficult.

I understand the being wanted part. It is very difficult.

On the masturbation front, she told me if I masturbate then she feels like I’m cheating on her or replacing her. I have tried to explain that she can’t do anything and I have needs, but she either refuses, or purely can’t understand that point. So I rather do it in private.