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Am i on my own here?

Am i on my own here?

I have started to think about the way i get aroused recently and i have come to the conclusion that fairly often i need direct physical stimulation of the penis in order to facilitate an erection. Just being in bed with my girlfriend doesn’t guarantee an imediate erection. Sometimes a bit of messing around without direct stimulation will do it - but not always…

Am i weird? Should i get an erection just by kissing and cuddling and non direct stimulation type foreplay etc? I am 26.

i am getting worried about this. I don’t masturbate very much and i don’t view very much porn.

Any replies welcome….

See Ya,



I wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone is different, and as such have different arousal levels, and even these differ on people day to day.

I usually have the opposite situation, I sprout wood at the drop of a hat. Well not really when someone drops a hat, though maybe I should test that. You know what I mean.

I think most of it has to do with your mindset at that particular time. And being concerned with it in the first place will work against you. Adopt the confident attitude that you’ll have the equipment ready when it’s needed, let it do what it’s suppose to do. Since you have no probem in finally getting an erection, dont create one.

Sex begins in the mind, and the mind controls the body. Flow with whatever happens and let your mind be free.

BigJ... worrying will create a problem...

I don’t think you should expect to be aroused just from cuddling and kissing. Sometimes I am and sometimes I’m not.

One thing is certain. You are on your way to creating a problem for yourself all by yourself.

I used to look for erections to occur at the slightest provocation and brought on a case of ED. When I stopped worrying about it everything returned to normal. Normal for me, that is…

Not gaining quickly enough, having dealt with an injury as you have, having doubts about PE or whatever other nagging thoughts may cause a diminishment in your normal reactions.

Personally, I felt more inadequate than ever soon after I found this site because I was dwelling on my measurements and comparing myself with what I “should” be. When I truly resolved to accept my natural endowment, which isn’t bad at all, I returned to normal. Obviously, I’m not saying this applies to you.

Also, messing around with PE will cause arousal problems in many men. For the record, I am not saying you have any problem. It is just not natural to subject our units to a lot of direct physical stimulation and condition ourselves to avoid erection during this behaviour!! This avoidance of erection may be conditioned after a while and transferred to other activities which involve the unit on a purely subconscious level.

Do our women’s gentle caresses stand a chance to arouse us properly after what we have subjected our units to? NO.

Are you by any chance noting a slight decrease in sensitivity?

On another note, do you workout a lot in the gym?

If so, what is the duration of your workouts, how often do you train and at what level of intensity do you train?

I may be off mark but I hope this helps. Take it easy.

Last edited by Torso : 12-03-2002 at .

You're definitely not alone.

hey bigj,

i’m also 26, don’t masturbate a lot or view much porn. i can get erections fairly easily, but to maintain them i generally need direct physical attention to my penis. sometimes i do go limp and this is when i create a problem for myself: i start getting self-conscious that i SHOULD be fully erect.

i think anytime we put ourselves through “shoulds” we start getting ourselves in trouble. i think our penises are a lot smarter than we think. and sometimes i find that when i lose an erection, what i need is just to lay off the expectations and hold or be held by the person i’m with, or just to talk with them. then, generally, after a while, i’m ready to go again.

however, also, i suffer from self-consciousness about the size of my penis, even when the man i’m with blatantly doesn’t care. i think i start tripping wires in my head (both of ‘em), when i worry about what i have naturally been given. i have no idea if this also may be an issue for you.

men seem to be expected to be “ready” all the time, whereas women seem to be allowed to have head-aches or not be in the mood with less stigma. i do envy men who can get erect at the slightest stimulus and keep it all night, but maybe some of us have different needs at different times. and maybe this is perfectly OK?

also, i think dark trick and torso make good points.

best o luck,

ps. Sorry I didn’t capitalize my sentences. I just remembererd!

Thanks for the replies...

I did just want to clarify this. I can normally get erect at the drop af a hat so to speak as well and after sex i can normally be ready to go again in around 10-15 minutes but i was starting to think that the fact i can’t maintain it for more than a couple of minutes without direct stimulation was pretty weird.

Its true what you say that women are allowed to have headaches or even stop right in the middle of something and decide that they don’t want to but if your a guy you should have raging wood from the instant you set eyes on your partner?

So its all good - i can get back to pe again. I also had a chat with a couple of pals about this and it seems i am not totally on my own here…


Thanks again.

See Ya,



If you need some direct penile stimulation, and a lot of us do at times, it’s perfectly fine to say so, or just move her hand to your dick during foreplay. She’ll very quickly get that silent message and use the technique in the future.



yup yup yup

As we get older there is an ever increasing need for direct stimulation. At 26 I would guess that it is merely stress-related. I wonder about all the things that float around inside your head? Too much going on? You can be 18 and have the same thing happen.


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