Accepting the percived reality that no woman likes me?
I have giving-up!
No matter what i’m giving up on I just can’t stomach resigning to the fact that I am a faliure at something.
But, it seems I have changed from a sexually-curious adolecent -to- a desperate youth -to- what I am now, an adult with a steadily waning interest in women.
Don’t get me wrong, i’m not gay, but I seem to be turning into an asexual I think.
Whatever it is now when I encounter women they are just humans to me just like men are.
I am NOT trying to get laid anymore!
It’s like I just don’t believe I have a chance at any woman anymore.
I AM a virgin and I am concerned that this apathetic view towards sex and relationships may be doing some damage to my mental health long-term.
I get off on pornos, so I am still attracted to women (may lessen the chances of the asexual thing I think).
Eitherway, my life seems to be consisting of work, brewing beer, drinking, smoking and pornos.
I also find that even though I do hard physical work I seem to like it as it takes me away from boredom and lack of a sexual partner (cause of my past problems with alcohol.
I also seem to notice that I am starting to find “happiness in misery” (in other words “I am happy being miserable”).
I never wanted this to happen, but I constantly have illustions and thoughts of a dramatic suicide/death, fantasizing death/war, all in a heroic and passionate maner.
It has also reflected in my thoughts while watching pornos.
I imagine that the guy is a “stud” and bangs heaps of hot chicks and that the hard working husbands are being cheated on— that’s what gets me off nowadays!!
It’s sadistic and vile as I also have dreams where I am in the minority that gets no sex and the women bang these “studs”.
I picture myself literally rotting to the bone while these studs keep banging chicks.
Mabye this is why my sublime hatered of women exists.
They say: “don’t hate the player, hate the game”
I must be saying: “Hate the opposition”
My mental state of health may be not the best, and netiher my physical one either (skin problems confirmed by a licenced medical practitioner: Soriosis, hives, dermatitis, 1 unknown type of a skin problem.)
Also, asthma, severe reactions to type 1 allergy (in the top 0.2% of the population).
All in all this may be the reason I hate god so much that I have dreams of machine-gunning him down(as well as other ways of killing him).
Loved going to Cuba! :)
I'm surprised that Americans can't go because their government says they can't!