My Short but Long Story
I’ve been a lurker for a while. Approximately three years ago I started doing some jelqing for about a week and then gave up. I gave up partly in the fact that I didn’t want my wife to know about it. It was hard to find the time for privacy with two younger children.
In November 16 I realized at 384.8 pounds I reached an all time low with regards to my erection quality and health. It scared me a bit because I love sex so much. Since I’ve never had much size to begin with this was very difficult to deal with. I’m not sure how I was able to even cum with that limp little “lil smokie”.
After my Dad went into the hospital in December and nearly died from having 3 surgeries for one stent to be put in, I decided I needed to gain control of my life. I’d say it prompted me to a little to take action. So without access to a lot of food and many hours and nights at the hospital things kind of fell into place for starting to lose weight. I lost 15 pounds during December and it was a good thing because I needed it. My member had gotten so short due to my fat pad that I constantly feared that I’d piss myself at work like I’ve done in the past luckily I had a jacket on and was able to exit work gracefully. I had no flaccid length at the time it was so terrible. Through the end of December after a couple of weeks trying to regain my health like always I slid backwards and started eating again I gained 5 pounds. That’s when it all began.
I started searching this forum as well as the other forum. I had reached a point where I needed to take action and regain my pride in myself. I did a ton of research on supplements I could take to increase my EQ. I’d tried L-Arginine in the past and sometimes it would work and other times it wouldn’t. It wasn’t consistent. I started a regime of L-Citrulline Malate and L-Arginine and then later added some Maca. L-Citruline seems to work most of them time and I was able to get fuller harder EQ. But wait I’m getting ahead of the story a bit so I’ll slide backwards a bit.
So it’s January and my wife had been traveling a lot compared to normal. She was gone full weeks in November, December and now she had to travel again in January. I hate it when she travels because the truth is that I’m insecure about my manhood size, my weight and my overall physique. I’m scared because she meets a lot of new people and scared that she will meet someone else and find someone better than me. That’s when the problems really started but also it’s when “The Awakening” began. We were fighting a lot during the trip. I was so pissed because we used to communicate all the time. Never miss a day. She’d never never ever miss telling her kids good night even when she traveled but I felt like things were slipping in a negative direction.
I confronted her about reaching the new low in her life that she didn’t have time to connect with me and the kids. To her defense she was on the west coast and it 2 hours behind our time zone but still it was unacceptable. I exploded and when I exploded it brought out all of the previous issues that have been swept under the rug for years.
You see for the first 10 years of our marriage my wife never had an orgasm. She was a bit more sexual when we were dating and first married. She was never a nympho but there wasn’t any indication to me that she didn’t desire sex. So after a few years she never wanted sex ever. It was constant back and forth for a while so a compromise was reached she decided it was a good idea to just put it on the calendar for Friday and Saturday nights. So that worked for a while but there was always something missing from our relationship. I wanted her to want me and desire sex and need me. Sex was no longer spontaneous and I realized yes I’m partially getting my needs met but not to the frequency I desired or the connection I needed from her. My wife is very conservative sexually and sometimes kind of a prude in the bedroom. There are just some things she won’t do and that’s ok I guess but I’m more of a sexual person and have no limitations. I had reached a limit after 10 years so I started to explore ways to help my wife orgasm.
I’d tried cunnilinguis over the years and was never very good at it and she didn’t want me to because she was afraid that it didn’t smell good down there. That was
About the time when I found a supplement to help her with her orgasm ability. It was Arginmax after two weeks and improving and listening to what she liked finally she was able to orgasm. I thought this was the cure finally now that I made her orgasm the desire will be there and ignite her sexual inferno. Nope not really. Now after 18 years the problem still exists and came to a head on this trip in January of 17.
Back to January now after fighting most of the week while she was gone I started eating less and less and the weight started rolling off. That’s when I began to think is this it she’s never going to change. It wasn’t just sex like I seem to indicate her. She’d gone back to school for her masters and we kind of drifted apart because she didn’t have time to connect with me or the family like she used to. Four years went by and I slipped into a deep dark hole which I came out of though the awakening.
I started to lose weight in January and the supplements were kicking in. We continued to argue thoughout January and reached a boiling point one night when I walked out of the house and kissed my kids good-bye and left. I’d had it with here cold-heartedness and not caring attitude. Even though I loved her and I knew she loved me it didn’t seem like enough anymore. So I packed up the bare minimum and headed for a hotel. I tried four hotels and after all were booked I headed home to sleep in the basement. It all came to a head the next morning, it was one of the worst fights we ever had. I even asked her if she liked women instead of men(that kind of backfired because she refuses to watch porn anymore because here interest was primarily girl on girl). I shared an article with her to help understand how I felt. She was really clueless but the article helped her understand. I mentioned I believe there are ways to fix the libido issue but the sad part of it is that you don’t care enough to research it on your own. I have been and there are some possibilities out there that may help. My wife has never been a big exerciser. She used to do some walking at work but never any weightlifting or HIIT. So presented her with a few options of the countless hours of scanning the internet with this website as well as other Internet forums. I kept asking Google. Why doesn’t my wife want sex? Sexless Marriage etc.
She agreed to do Yoga which peaked her interest slightly which she had done at home a few times in the past. I also told her kegels were very beneficial and she agreed to do them also. After a few weeks of doing kegels you know it doesn’t take long to build up strength and I had always had a weak bladder and poor flow but kegels helped improve that for me.
Now two weeks have passed end of January and I’ve become very detail oriented paying close attention. She had told me she was going to take a Yoga class with our daughter. Did that happened yet, um no. She did 25 minutes of yoga in 2 weeks after the major fight. I also noticed she didn’t do kegels either. I’d inquire and she was always evasive about them and also I watched her barely make it to the because she had to pee so bad. Can you guess how I was feeling? Yep betrayed like this woman really doesn’t love me like I need to be loved. I’d do anything for this women including PE if that would satisfy her and make her happy and want and need me. So we had another fight. I believe if you want something bad enough you will be consistent and achieve it. Tweny five minutes of yoga in 2 weeks is not going to change her libido especially with no kegels. Meanwhile through all of this now I had lost 32 pounds since December.
I felt alive and was able to think clearer than ever about what I want for myself and my relationship. The Maca seemed to really help me stimulate my mind and feel confident about myself. I don’t know maybe it was the combination of the arginine and citruline and Maca but I felt like of like that guy in the show Limitless and still do(exaggerating a little of course but compared to what I felt like before it was amazing). I felt like my brain had been asleep for many years and it awoke. I wasn’t and not going to settle for piss poor effort from her anymore and I made it clear.
So fast forward to mid February now are things changing slowly. We are scheduling date nights and family nights. She is now trying some Maca to see if that will help here desire. Maca helped my desire also and maybe the combination of kegels Maca, Citrulline and Argnine I tend to leak cum during the day. Has her yoga improved no but she’s busy and we’ve been busy with our flooring transformation. I see improvement which is good but not to the level I’d like but I’ll take it. I can’t expect her to be me. If she slips and regresses it will be another confrontation. As to my health I’m now down 38 pounds. I no longer have issues with SIP(sucked in penis.. Basically no flaccid hang and don’t worry about pissing myself at work) I’ve been doing PE now for a couple of weeks. It’s hard for me to keep get pictures because my belly is so large and it pushes my fat pad out. I’ve tried the ruler and can’t seem to keep an erection while holding my phone and a ruler at the same time but trust my I’m probably a little less than 5” erect. One night during a stretching and jelqing session I got really hard but my wife was asleep right next to me. I wanted to measure so I used my iPhone 7 Plus. I took a tape measure to the iPhone and sure enough where my dick ended was around 5” BPEL. Seems a little larger than I’d been for a while I think I was always just short of 5”. I also feel some gains in girth my I have found my fabric tape yet to take measurements.
I’ve always been insecure about my size and am also worried for my 11 year old son. We’ve taken him to the doctor to ask and they said he’s fine but I worry about his size and even worse having one smaller than me. I think there are things they can do for him if we catch it early enough but I don’t know. I don’t have much trust int he medical community anymore. I guess that’s why I’m here. I’m here to give this a try. I’m here for support through tough times in my marriage. I’m here to help and inspire others. Through all of thus adversity I chose to be alive. I chose to be strong. I chose to be healthy. I chose to be positive. I chose to re-gain my life and I’m choosing to increase my member. This is my “Awakening”!