Still going strong. Seems like some people think I’m wearing my extender outside, lol. Have gotten obvious stares at my crotch, it really isn’t to be mistaken so just guessing it’s what some might think. Tried wearing it outside a couple of times but it’s just pure agony and oh, oh so visible.
Some times I’m thinking what’s the point of all this effort, as my value on the market is absolutely 0 when it comes to females. Sure I’m getting bigger but I see 0 hope for putting it to use any time soon. Might one day just end up going the prostitution route, never thought I’d ever think that but it is what it is. I’m just human and got ‘needs’ as well I guess, but it’s so bleak that all I can do these days is laugh about it. It’s been damn near a full year now since the last time I had a sex partner.
Would have been such fun to have sex with someone I’ve already slept with just to show the difference, which has gotten significant enough for someone to take notice.
Naah, better accept that I’m gonna be single for the rest of my life, at least getting somewhat used to the thought by now. Doomed to jerk off every now and then, haha.
Just keeping to myself, ain’t no other choice though really. Hope I one glorious day will be writing something positive in this regard, just don’t see it happening in the near future as already mentioned.
Also working on just smiling and laughing obvious stares(which I get helluva lot of)and talking behind my back away.(in reality it’s point blank in front of me sometimes). Thing is 90% of the people talking smack are people I haven’t got the slightest clue who are. I also wish people just would believe in me when I say I ain’t mentally capable of forcing myself on a female, sure I can be a bit eager but could never just do it without consent. My brain ain’t wired that way, which is a good thing.
Gonna work out with my kettle bells pretty soon and just feel awesome for a few hours from the workout ‘high’. It really is the best. Can’t wait though until my shrink comes back from holiday, as I just now, with her being away, both see and feel how much it gives me to have someone like that to talk to. Not feeling any kind of self pity I must say, just using this site and my writings as self therapy trying to think constructive and positive. Heck, who knows maybe in a few years It’ll all be better as in having a couple of close friends and a girl that likes me and not hates like it seems to be the consensus among women where I live. Gonna pray to God that I just wake up as a flamboyant gay man by tomorrow, haha. No offence to gay people, I’ve just fooled myself into thinking some gay men would at least like my body if not my personality, that is a work in progress.
It’s a mind fuck at times to think about the potential I had before falling in love with drugs, but I was young and too damn stupid to see where it would lead.
“There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”-Hunter.S.Thompson-
As long as a big can of Gillette shaving cream(7,5" or 19 cm), with picture proof in the 'full body picture' section. Pictures is the ultimate proof in the pudding, IMO.