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Touchy subject - can't satisfy my woman

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touchy subject - can't satisfy my woman

I’m going to spill a little here because of the guise of anonymity. My fiancée and I have been having sex for almost 6 months now. Over 100 sessions, and not a single time has she been able to reach orgasm. Of course she says that she is very happy with the sex, and although there is no climax, she is fully satisfied.

But being a guy I just can’t live with that. My ex-wife was able to get off almost everytime with me (and I know she didn’t lie to me, because we were very honest about it just like my fiancée and I).

Now at first I thought it might be she was one of those women who can’t achieve orgasm through penetration. But she said she was able to just fine with other guys.

Now 2 things to note. First of all is that she is on medication which “has sexual side affects”. So this might explain it. She says she very often comes to a “peak” and then just doesn’t go beyond it into climax. But I can understand how this might be like this for a week or even a month, but not 6 months. As well, she has switched medicines, and the new one didn’t change anything either. Has any women been on medicine that would prevent something like this for long periods of time?

The 2nd thing to note is that all her previous guys have been quite a bit larger than me. Whereas i’m 6”, they have been around 8” (other than her first which is different). Again, their girth was also larger than mine. And this is what really makes me very insecure here, is I have this belief that the reason she can’t is because I am too small for her. I have tried different positions propping her up on a pillow, toys, etc.. I have tried long and slow sex, I have tried fast and wild sex, and variations.. and nothing.

So my question to women out there (and guys who actually have had very open and honest relationships about this with their girls) is a) has anybody experienced a problem like this with medicine before, and b) have woman who have been with larger guys previously, have they been able to be satisfied with a smaller guy.


Starting: 5.75" EBPL x 5" EG 10/10/03 Current: 6" EBPL x 5" EG 11/6/03 Goal: 8" EBPL x 6" EG

Dude, all women are different. My bro was just tellin me the other day about how his new gf completely soaked the truckseat and he couldnt believe how wet she got. My ex was a soaker too, but Ive talked to some of my friends and there gfs almost never get wet. IT just depends

A) I have never been on medication that had sexual side effects. I have had stress and everything else ruin it for me. So I can’t help you there. It has been known to happen.

B) Going from a guy who is one size to a guy that is a more generous size back to a guy with a size that isn’t as flattering as the last does require a little mental adjustment. I went from one guy who was wealthy to a guy who is average (whatever that truly is). It’s almost like going from a Lexis to a Camry. Both nice cars, but one just have more perks. One is more pleasing to the eye. But once you get use to the fact that you have something just as nice, just not as luxurious, you adapt. It didn’t take me too long to adjust. But that is me.

If most of the men she has been with have been 8”, I need to relocate to Washington if I am ever single again.


You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Zig Ziglar

I’ll try to answer your question as briefly as possible.

A.)
Certain medications can indeed interfere with the ability to reach full sexual arousal and achieve orgasm. Typically the medications known to produce this side effect are of the anti-depressant variety. If your fiancé is taking an anti-depressant, it is very well possible that the depression itself is the cause of her anorgasmic state, not just the medication.

Without knowing the precise prescription and condition being treated, I cannot say more.

B.)
That smells fishy. All of her previous lovers were around 8 inches? How many lovers was this? The 8 inch club represents such a small portion of the male populace that the odds against having nothing but 8 inch lovers is pretty high.

In any event, a 6 inch penis is more than enough to satisfy a woman in bed. If you got the skills, then your penis is beg enough to pay the bills.

Do not forget that for a woman to achieve orgasm, both physical and psychological needs must be met. In most cases your problem will lie with the latter.

Good Luck


Oh, how I hope and pray that I will, but today I am still just a bill.

Originally Posted by Hopin49
I’ll try to answer your question as briefly as possible.

A.)
Certain medications can indeed interfere with the ability to reach full sexual arousal and achieve orgasm. Typically the medications known to produce this side effect are of the anti-depressant variety. If your fiancé is taking an anti-depressant, it is very well possible that the depression itself is the cause of her anorgasmic state, not just the medication.

Without knowing the precise prescription and condition being treated, I cannot say more.

B.)
That smells fishy. All of her previous lovers were around 8 inches? How many lovers was this? The 8 inch club represents such a small portion of the male populace that the odds against having nothing but 8 inch lovers is pretty high.

In any event, a 6 inch penis is more than enough to satisfy a woman in bed. If you got the skills, then your penis is beg enough to pay the bills.

Do not forget that for a woman to achieve orgasm, both physical and psychological needs must be met. In most cases your problem will lie with the latter.

Good Luck

Well she was with 4 guys before me, the first was smaller than me from what I understand. The second guy was more of a fling, and she doesn’t remember his size. The next guy was a short term relationship, but she said he was probably around 8 inches. The last guy she was with (long-term) was very well endowed at near 9 inches, she said she never measured girth, but it was about an inch-inch1/2 bigger than mine (my girth is 5, so he was a 8.5x6 er at least). And yes she actually did measure his length once.. which makes me wonder if she measured BPEL or NBP (i’m thinking NBP which makes it worse).

I understand the psychological, we try not to have sex unless she is into it, and yes there have been days when things weren’t perfect with us, but then there have also been days when I have treated her like a princess for the whole day, and she was really wanting me, and into me, but still no orgasm :(


Starting: 5.75" EBPL x 5" EG 10/10/03 Current: 6" EBPL x 5" EG 11/6/03 Goal: 8" EBPL x 6" EG

Originally Posted by anna nimity
A) I have never been on medication that had sexual side effects. I have had stress and everything else ruin it for me. So I can’t help you there. It has been known to happen.

B) Going from a guy who is one size to a guy that is a more generous size back to a guy with a size that isn’t as flattering as the last does require a little mental adjustment. I went from one guy who was wealthy to a guy who is average (whatever that truly is). It’s almost like going from a Lexis to a Camry. Both nice cars, but one just have more perks. One is more pleasing to the eye. But once you get use to the fact that you have something just as nice, just not as luxurious, you adapt. It didn’t take me too long to adjust. But that is me.

If most of the men she has been with have been 8”, I need to relocate to Washington if I am ever single again.

I love your nick! Anna :) thanks for responding, and your insight on bigger to smaller guys. I don’t think it is necessarily washington, she just got lucky a couple of times.


Starting: 5.75" EBPL x 5" EG 10/10/03 Current: 6" EBPL x 5" EG 11/6/03 Goal: 8" EBPL x 6" EG

esac,

>I’m going to spill a little here because of the guise of anonymity. My fiancée and I have been having sex for almost 6 months now. Over 100 sessions, and not a single time has she been able to reach orgasm. Of course she says that she is very happy with the sex, and although there is no climax, she is fully satisfied.<

Believe her when she says she is satisfied. Don’t screw up your own head feeling responsible. It’s her body, it’s her responsibility.

>But being a guy I just can’t live with that. My ex-wife was able to get off almost everytime with me (and I know she didn’t lie to me, because we were very honest about it just like my fiancée and I). <

So good, you know your not “flawed” and you can help get a woman off. Use that.

>Now 2 things to note. First of all is that she is on medication which “has sexual side affects”. So this might explain it. She says she very often comes to a “peak” and then just doesn’t go beyond it into climax. But I can understand how this might be like this for a week or even a month, but not 6 months. As well, she has switched medicines, and the new one didn’t change anything either. Has any women been on medicine that would prevent something like this for long periods of time?<

Definitely, without a doubt: this is the culprit. Since we’re all spilling here I will share that Mrs. Hook went on Prosac for a while (for PMS - Lord Jesus did she ever need it) and she suddenly found herself in the exact same place as your woman does. Lowering her dosage fixed the problem.
But have no doubt: Medication can have a profound effect in this area.

>The 2nd thing to note is that all her previous guys have been quite a bit larger than me. Whereas i’m 6”, they have been around 8” (other than her first which is different). Again, their girth was also larger than mine. And this is what really makes me very insecure here, is I have this belief that the reason she can’t is because I am too small for her. I have tried different positions propping her up on a pillow, toys, etc.. I have tried long and slow sex, I have tried fast and wild sex, and variations.. and nothing.<

Don’t even go there pal. Dick size might have an effect on a womans pleasure (good and/or bad) but there is no way the minor difference between what you have and her previous guys had would prevent her from climaxing.
That is way out of the ballpark.

>So my question to women out there (and guys who actually have had very open and honest relationships about this with their girls) is a) has anybody experienced a problem like this with medicine before, and b) have woman who have been with larger guys previously, have they been able to be satisfied with a smaller guy.<

I think that either lowering her dosage or once again switching meds will probably help. But keep in mind: She is responsible for her orgasm. Not you.

—Cap

I have never slept with any man I was not mentally and physically attracted to. Yet, I’ve only been able to orgasm with my husband and I’ve made no secret that he could benefit from PE. And even still, I have difficulty achieving an orgasm. Some women just can’t do it.

Now if she always have orgasms with these past men, then that is one thing. Yet, if she has only had one from time to time, I wouldn’t think much of it. Or try not to. If you believe it could the meds causing her problems then let it go. Work on your gains and go from there. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’ll only hinder you in your performance.

Good luck.


You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Zig Ziglar

I know this is a tough one for you. One thing you’re going to have to do is not to fixate on it too much. If you both worry about it to much, it’s almost a guarantee that it will never happen.

It seems to me, that if you two are so honest with each other that she should be able to tell you what’s missing. If she is unable to articulate what the problem is… well that’s another problem you need to work on.

So without knowing all the details of your relationship, here’s the best advice I can offer:

1. Make sure birth/STD control is covered. Fear of pregnancy or disease can put a cramp in any game.
2. Get educated. You have the internet, now use it. Learn as much as you can about sexual technique and the female anatomy. Lurk around female heavy forums. Do whatever you have to do.
3. Stop bugging her. Don’t ask her any more about her orgasms. Don’t ask “Was it good?” Stop all of that crap.
4. Add spice. If the same old routine hasn’t worked, it’s time to kick your game up a notch. Try new locations, positions… whatever.
5. Get kinky. Though she may appear to be 100% honest, maybe she’s holding something back? Maybe she is too embarrassed to ask for it. Give it a shot.
6. Relax. It’ll happen when you least expect it.

Remember, in cases like these, the first one is the hardest.

Other than that I agree with the Cap’n. It’s her body, it’s her responsibility.


Oh, how I hope and pray that I will, but today I am still just a bill.

Originally Posted by Hopin49
I know this is a tough one for you. One thing you’re going to have to do is not to fixate on it too much. If you both worry about it to much, it’s almost a guarantee that it will never happen.

It seems to me, that if you two are so honest with each other that she should be able to tell you what’s missing. If she is unable to articulate what the problem is… well that’s another problem you need to work on.

So without knowing all the details of your relationship, here’s the best advice I can offer:

1. Make sure birth/STD control is covered. Fear of pregnancy or disease can put a cramp in any game.
2. Get educated. You have the internet, now use it. Learn as much as you can about sexual technique and the female anatomy. Lurk around female heavy forums. Do whatever you have to do.
3. Stop bugging her. Don’t ask her any more about her orgasms. Don’t ask “Was it good?” Stop all of that crap.
4. Add spice. If the same old routine hasn’t worked, it’s time to kick your game up a notch. Try new locations, positions… whatever.
5. Get kinky. Though she may appear to be 100% honest, maybe she’s holding something back? Maybe she is too embarrassed to ask for it. Give it a shot.
6. Relax. It’ll happen when you least expect it.

Remember, in cases like these, the first one is the hardest.

Other than that I agree with the Cap’n. It’s her body, it’s her responsibility.

1. covered, that was taken care of almost initially because of the fear of pregnancy, not because of insecurity of orgasm

2. i’m always willing to learn more, and I have been trying, but I am actually quite a skilled lover. She has said (and honestly because she has let me know when I do something wrong or that just doesn’t work for her) that I am quite a bit better than both of her previous lovers combined.

3. I stopped doing that a long time ago, and I have stopped getting upset in her presence just in case this was the issue. Whenever we have sex, I throw it out of my mind and just concentrating on “business” so that it won’t affect how I perform.

4. Tried, tried, tried. I keep on trying, and I haven’t gone through everything yet, but we’ll get there.

5. I have tried that, we are going to start doing some “risky” sex like public places, but have to do a little more planning first.

6. I don’t expect it anymore. I stopped expecting it a few months ago and just tried to be happy with it. I am just worried that it won’t ever happen, and I somehow know this will affect things with us and I will be unhappy sexually :(

I understand Captain’s viewpoint, and I wish I could have it, but it is not mine. I try to look at it that way but after a while I get upset that I just can’t do it for her.

I guess what I am hoping for is that it is the medicine :(


Starting: 5.75" EBPL x 5" EG 10/10/03 Current: 6" EBPL x 5" EG 11/6/03 Goal: 8" EBPL x 6" EG

So does that mean you are responsible for your orgasm and she is responsible for hers? Isn’t that what masturbation is made of?

I don’t understand what that means. If a man tells me that (it’s up to you to get an orgasm(??)) I would think it’s safe to assume he wants me to do any and everything possible so “I could get mine”. That includes, but not limited to, fantasizing about something that is apparently more stimulating while he is doing his thing.


You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.

Zig Ziglar

Originally Posted by anna nimity
So does that mean you are responsible for your orgasm and she is responsible for hers? Isn’t that what masturbation is made of?

I don’t understand what that means. If a man tells me that (it’s up to you to get an orgasm(??)) I would think it’s safe to assume he wants me to do any and everything possible so “I could get mine”. That includes, but not limited to, fantasizing about something that is apparently more stimulating while he is doing his thing.

I can’t speak for other males, I can only speak for myself. I can tell you exactly what I do and don’t like when it comes to sex. I can go on, in great detail, about every little thing a woman could possibly do to drive me wild. I could produce charts, diagrams and drawings if I had to. If a woman failed to please me in bed, and she asked me “what can I do to make it better?” I’d tell her to go get a pen and paper and to get comfortable. And I feel that most men (to some degree) are in the same boat as me.

Strangely enough, many women I’ve encountered are not like this. They have spent their whole sexual carrier leaving it all up to their partner. I’m not claravoyant, have ESP, nor am I a psychic. If a woman doesn’t know what it takes to please herself, then the only way I can know is by blind luck or by trial and error.

If I was with a partner who I found arousing and went through all of the correct physical motions, yet I was still having problems with erections, ejaculating, or orgasms… it would be up to ME to correct the problem. If I was having these problems because of her performance, then it would be up to ME to tell her what was wrong. If it was medication that caused it, then again, it would be up to ME to talk to my doctor about it.

Basically, only SHE knows why she’s not getting off. So doesn’t it seem logical that SHE would be the one who would take some responsibility for solving the problem?

My 2.5 cents


Oh, how I hope and pray that I will, but today I am still just a bill.

Lots of drugs can have uncontrollable effects on a persons ability to orgasm. Even men who take SSRI’s have reported that they lose the ability to orgasm or that it takes over an hour, and these were MEN. With women who usually require more stimulation the effect is at least as bad. Don’t discount the effect of drugs. As a matter of fact, if I were you I would be blaming it on drugs even if she wasn’t taking any.


-Still bitter the y2k bug was a dud.

-My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims? (No.) Or a bird how it flies? (No.) Of course not. They do it because they were born to do it...

Originally Posted by anna nimity
So does that mean you are responsible for your orgasm and she is responsible for hers? Isn’t that what masturbation is made of?


That’s mutual masturbation, young lady. :)

Anna,
If you take what I described above - Mrs. Hook not being able to climax due to a medication side effect, and apply it to the statement “She is responsible for her orgasm” it might make more sense. It might have been a chemical mix up in her brain caused by her meds, but it was nonetheless “all in her head”. No matter what I did or how hard I tried I would’ve been unable to “make” her climax.
If Mrs. Hook were unable to climax, even without an outside chemical interference, how then am I responsible for this? And how then can I take credit for when she actually does climax - it’s in her head.

I think the same applies in Esac’s case.

I firmly believe that what turns me on, what makes me happy, sad, angry - any state of mind I personally take on is my concern, and no one else’s. To expect that other people hold the key to these things is not only lame it holds the potential to do great harm - it strips me of control over my emotions. I also believe that people who assign responsibility and blame to others for their own frame of mind - their own position in life - relinquish this control either knowingly or subconsciously because they fear themselves more than anything else.

My wife doesn’t turn me on - I get turned on by my wife. Broccoli doesn’t taste like shit, I think that broccoli tastes like shit.

Another way of looking at it is: Twatteaser doesn’t scare me - I am scared of Twatteaser.

Hail Esac, RWG here from Ballard (Ike dwells in Seattle as well)… I feel for what you are going through with this thing, I’ve been there…

1st,
You mention that your wife is on medication. Would these by any chance be SSRI’s? I know when my wife was on Prozac it was VERY difficult for her to have an orgasm, almost impossible.. I had talked to our doctor and several good friends who had experience with this form of medication and every one of them had the same negative sexual side effects things to say..

While my wife could have an orgasm it was very long in the making and and usually the average would be 1 out of 8 times of trying…

2nd,
I’ve beat this horse moreso then anyone else but I maintain that *if* you (at 6 inches), know what you are doing and when to do it then you can compete (and beat) with a guy packing what would be considered on this forum as a huge dick.. It would be worth checking exactly what type of meds she is on and how long she has bee on it… Perhaps she was not on this drug when with the other guys?

Regularwhiteguy

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