The Miracle Penis Patch
I got several spam messages about this phenomonal patch that guaranteed to increase my penis size by 3 inches. Since I already got 3 inches from PE, I thought “Wow, if I had used this, I could have saved myself a lot of work”.
So, the thought of 3 more inches propelled me to place an order.
The patches came a week later.
After reading the propaganda and the confusing instructions, I applied the first patch. I noticed that every time I got an erection, the patch would pinch my skin. My wife complained during intercourse because the damned thing would come off and she would have to reach in there and fish it out.
I called customer service and complained. They said that you’re not supposed to put the patch on your penis. I said, “That’s crazy as hell. Why do you call it the penis patch if you don’t put it on your penis”?
The lady said, “I don’t have a penis”.
I said, “That’s too bad. You want one?”
She ignored my proposition and said, “You need to place it someplace where it can be absorbed into the body through the skin and yet be out of the way”.
I said, “OK, I’ll try it somewhere else”.
I called customer service back the next day with a complaint.
I said, “You told me to put the patch somewhere out of the way. I did, but now whenever I have a bowel movement, the damned patch ends up in the toilet”.
The customer service lady replied, “That’s really gross”.
I replied, “You’re tellin me”!
She said, “Sir, you should probably put the patch on your lower back”.
I said, “I would, but my wife would see it and get pissed off”.
She said, “Why would she get upset? You will be getting a much bigger penis to please her with”.
I said, “Well, I already have 8 inches and I think she’d freak out if she knew that I was going for 11”.
She replied, “8 inches? That’s fabulous! Well, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you should send the patches back”.
As she was talking I had a revelation.
She stopped talking and asked “Sir, are you still there?”
I replied, “Yethhhh, I’m sthillll heerrre”.
She asked, “Do you want to return the patches”?
I said, “Tnooooo. I thlinnnnnk I’llll kweeeepppp thummmmm”.
I hung up.
I’ve always wanted a longer tongue.
To order these miracle patches:
Jelktoid :trash: More meat for the money!