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The GirthaBench:

The GirthaBench:

I’ve been having a little bit of a problem swinging and twirling weights from my dick lately without incident. Several times now I’ve really had them swinging high and the hanger lost suction slinging lead across the room. Our cats have developed nervous conditions to the point they run hide under the bed now as soon as they see me putting on my hanger. Not to mention I get tired standing there for an hour at a time, and when I try to sit with the vacuum hanger on it tends to break the suction because I’m trying to use it without the pump at less pressure to prevent blisters. So I’ve been trying to come up with a solution.

I found this little wooden bench at a yard sale. I was just driving by and saw it setting there on some guy’s lawn. It called out to me so I bought it for five bucks and stuck it in my trunk. It’s about the length of a Bench Press bench but a little higher off the ground about three feet, made of nice soft pine. My original thought was it would be great for sex, but then another idea occurred to me.

After laying face down on it I made a chalk mark where my dick was and then cut a three inch hole in the center with a circular saw bit. I then lined the inside of the hole with pipe insulation gluing it in place with silicone caulking. Man, this thing works great. It fits neatly under my desk so I can put my feet up while reading the forum. Then when I’m ready to hang I can just pull it out from under the desk. I lay a 10 pound barbell weight on the floor just under the hole, put on my vacuum hanger and lay face down on the bench sticking my hanger-clad dick through the hole. I reach around the bench and attach the weight and hang in a S/O position while reclined. It is very comfy and the best part is I can swing the weight easily by reaching around the bench and pushing it with my hand. This is an excellent way to swing hang and do Helicopters while laying in a very relaxed face down position. Then you can sit straddle the bench and stick your dick down through the hole for S/D or even lean all the way back for BTC. I’m thinking, Hell, this may even surpass Capt. Hook’s legendary Hanging Chair.

There are only two problems with this new recumbent hanging bench. One: I can’t see my monitor when laying prone, and two, you feel kind of tethered and vulnerable if someone should walk in on you because you can’t get loose and up off of this thing too damned fast.

Mrz G. came in and caught me at it Helicoptering this morning. She was laughing her ass off, talking to Doc on her cell phone, telling her about my hot date last night. I think they were both yucking it up at my expense discussing my new/old high school flame fuck buddy. She said to Doc, “Lord, now he is building Things.” She then said to me and for Doc’s amusement, “What the hell have you gotten your dick stuck in now?

Feeling somewhat tethered and vulnerable I just yelled face down, “It’s just a fucking bench.” So I unhooked the weight and let it drop to the floor sending the cats running for shelter. I then pushed myself up to my feet. I said, “Don’t laugh. I’m going to patent this idea and sell it to Monty or Monkeybar. When you get off the phone come in here and I show you how it works.” I held her hands and helped her to gently have a seat straddle my new GirthaBench with the padded hole right in front of her pussy.

But as I approached her she said, “Not so fast. Take off that contraption first.” I was standing over her with my semi hard dick hermetically sealed inside the plastic hanger. It was kind of bobbing up and down like one of those little dog heads in the back of a car window. I said, “What, can’t you take me like this?”

She looked at my blue sheathed plastic capped erection and said, “Well, at least take that hook off the end of it.” I couldn’t figure a way to get the hook off, so I just wiggled out of my hanger and fucked her in the bench press position. “Afterwards I said to her, “I told you it was a ‘Fucking Bench.’ “

Best five bucks I ever spent.


2003: 6X5 2010: 7X7

No Nukes


Last edited by Big Girtha : 04-02-2006 at .

Get one of those electric power baby swings and tie a cord to the swing and the end of your dick…it’ll pull it back and forth for hours! :)

Can’t you write a post without rubbing our noses in your most extraordinary love life?

I’m always caught on the seesaw of arousal and envy…I don’t think I like it…but I’m not sure.

LOL ah.. Man that is fucking hilarious bro!

But you were going to fuck her with the vacuum hanger on?! You didn’t think that the hook may hurt her pussy? You were just in horny-defense mode. That is a great way to defend ourselves from unwanted questions: “What is that?” “Come here I’ll show you! -Fuck-fuck-fuck-” LOL

Man and only Five bucks, for the bench. Thats excellent. Ill see if I could make one!

Ahh lord jesus that was funny

:-k :

Electric Power Baby Swings, huh


2003: 6X5 2010: 7X7

No Nukes

So you can’t sit with that hanger? That blows and laying on your stomach for hours at a time doesn’t sound much better. If I go back to hanging again I’m dusting off my wench or redi stretcher because I like to sit and read the forum or play a game or get some work done.

Automatic baby swing with a bungee cord hooked to the hanger:D


I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work. Thomas Edison (1847-1931)

Dino: I can sit with it if I suck about 10inhg out with a hand pump, but it is much more comfortable wearing it with less pressure, and seems to hold 10 pounds of weight okay without smashing my glands against the end of the cup. But you are right about laying prone for long periods, the only way I’m going to be comfortable laying on my belly for an hour is if there is a woman under me.
:-k :

Naa, she would never go for it.


2003: 6X5 2010: 7X7

No Nukes

Big Girtha, you seem like the right person to ask this question. I have been peing for about 6 months off and on, mainly manual stretching and jelqing. I just started clamping and am now at 7.25”x5.75”. I already know that I will be able to reach my goal of 6.5” girth by clamping, but do you think i’ll need to start hanging to reach my length goal?


Started 8/2005 6.25" length 5" girth

Currently 7.25" length 5.75" girth

Final Goal, 8" length 6.5" girth (shou

Girth is easy. You can always get a quick inch of girth later. Work length first, it takes longer for most guys. A thick dick is harder to stretch.


2003: 6X5 2010: 7X7

No Nukes

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