Thanks Sparky really good post - very informative - going to give a couple of things a try
Thanks Sparky really good post - very informative - going to give a couple of things a try
Really great thread Sparky!
I have another tip, especially for the younger guys. I discovered this by accident.
If you know you have performance anxiety, and you are using masturbation as a sexual outlet, cut down. My story is this:
I was going through a time in my life when I was suffering from it on and off. Then my work got so busy that I did not have time for sex! I was working flat out for three weeks and coming to bed after my wife had already gone to sleep. I had a project deadline and I just had to get on with it. Anyway, after a week or two, the wife started hinting that we had not had it for a while. By three weeks she was suggesting “tonight’s the night”. So when we got into bed and started at it, although I noticed the familiar thoughts of self doubt coming, they were somewhat eclipsed by being extra horny due to not having cum for three weeks! So I just said to my brain “You can think what you like - I’m going to fuck”. And we did! I can still remember my skin being extra sensitive from not having been touched for 3 weeks. It was glorious :)
So the take home message is: don’t cum for a few days before sex, and let the raging hormones do their work for you. Sure the disturbing thoughts and self doubt might still be there in the background, but they will seem more distant and less real.
PS. Some may say that letting it build up like that could cause premature ejaculation (p.e). The need not be true if:
1)You take it slow and enjoy the sensations.
2) You realise that extra sensitivity can actually help with p.e.
A lot of people don’t realise that most p.e. is actually caused by not knowing how aroused they are, and therefore they don’t know they are near the point of orgasm and must slow down. The extra sensitivity can help if it is allowed to become increased awareness of the arousal level.
I'm fed up of having a signature!
Great reply Marky777, to add to that I had a problem a few years back when I was about to go to town on this one girl but for some reason I couldn’t get my dick to come up. I thought there was something wrong with me, when in fact it was the loads of porn that I was watching that triggered the loss of erection. I had NO IDEA that porn induced ED even existed. I almost thought I was homosexual at one point. That for me was really scary because coming from my background I would never do anything that would jeopardize my sexuality. Also I’m a very friendly and outgoing guy in general and gay guys would hit on me thinking that I was gay sorta put me in this weird spot at the time. I’ll save that story for another time. Anyway This type of paranoia caused me to panic and have anxiety issues with women. I’ve cut down significantly now, and I can now enjoy women for who they are. The little things that they do like caress their hair and subtle flirting signs turns me on now. I can’t wait until I finally quit this obsession once and for all.
Starting stats 02/10/12 - BPEL 5.5" 13.97cm BPFSL 5.5" 13.97 cm BG 4.80" in 12.19cm
Currently: 9/30/13- BPEL 6.75-6.9" 17.5cm BPFSL 7.00" 17.78cm BG 5.1" 13.2 cm
Short term goal: 7 x 5" Long term goal: 8-9 x 5.5-6.0" "This is Chess not Checkers"
Man, I think this is a hugely important thread. I’m not a doctor and I only know what I’ve experienced and read, but I have a lot of confidence in what I’m saying. Hopefully, it’s not too confusing.
It’s been years since I’ve posted on this forum but over the last couple years I’ve been experienced something that is either similar to or fully is a Kundalini awakening. It’s hard to find a good description of what this means, but here’s a page that does a fairly good job:
The way I would describe my experience is a reformatting of the nervous system. It’s like my body is trying to repair a disconnection, the cause of which is essentially repression. Repression is the result of the belief that an otherwise natural desire or instinct can’t be pursued because to do so would bring about negative consequences. Essentially, it’s the result of what might be the most fundamental conflict of humanity, the desire to survive and the desire to thrive. Through this process, I’ve become aware of an absolute butt-ton of fears that were, unbeknownst to me, previously trapped in my body. When I say trapped, I mean physically trapped.
What sexual repression does is prevent the upward flow of “energy” (excuse the imprecision of my language) and blocks communication between the sexual centers of the body and what I’m going to call the “unity center” (Google “crown chakra”) of the body so that a discord exists between the two. These two centers exist in their purest forms at the tip tippiest ends of the central nervous system. Repression blocks this flow through tension and the awakening process, at least for me, has partially been about removing this tension from my body. Proper communication between these two parts of the nervous system is absolutely critical to healthy sexual function. As expected, the sexual center is the origin of the more animalistic desires. At the other end is the mind’s capacity for understanding. I call it the unity center, because it sees the wholeness in things, including sexual encounters or relationships. More specifically to that point, it allows you to see the context of yourself, your partner, both of your feelings, and the relationship. Development of this area decreases the perception that you are separate from others. Without this sense of separation, there would be nothing to fear and so trust can be fostered. In the absence of fear, there’s no need for the fight or flight response and you can focus on another F, fucking.
I’ve been wanting to post this for a while. It’s also been a couple years since I’ve done PE, but I feel confident that the connection that I’m talking about is what separates the hard-gainers from the not-so-hard-gainers. My theory is that when this connection is strengthened, the body is free to react to the stimuli of PE and feels that it is okay to allow the penis to grow. In the absence of this connection, the body believes that it is safer to not allow the penis to grow and so it prevents it.
It’s hard to recommend trying to remove these blockages because it can be a brutal process, but if you’d like to try, just ask yourself what’s true while trying to feel the truth with your body and repeat this process continuously for a month or so. If you start to react physically, you won’t be able to stop from there.
I also recommend Tara Brach’s ‘Radical Self-Acceptance’ audiobook.
By the way, I’ve had major issues with this problem. I’m only in my 20s and I’ve experienced the inability to perform and urinary and other health problems. I haven’t fully beaten these issues, but I’m getting there because of what I’m saying in this post. The point is that I know how terrible this problem is - there can’t be much that’s worse. Nothing makes you feel further from being a man than having a dick that doesn’t work.
Best of luck to all.
This is an old thread. But I want to say that the advice to try Inderal (Propanolol ) and Cialis is great advice. I was prescribed Inderal for general anxiety issues and take it before presentations and other stressful events.
Cialis was not enough if I am too nervous. But with 10mg of Inderal too I was able to overcome.
Alright guys in going to keep reviewing these posts, but I need some tips here. So around a week ago I may have over worked my Pelvic floors muscles and could not get a erection to masterbate. I went to the doctor the next day because that night I freaked out about this whole not being able to get hard thing, totally uncalled for, but I did. The doctor told me yeah, you could have overworked it down there, but he had me pee in a cup. The test came back to say I had some bacteria in my urine for the start Of a UTI. I took a medication and I could tell that it got me feeling better. So here’s my current situation.
I’ve had sex twice since the whole anxiety attack about not being able to get hard to jack off. I still though keep worrying about not getting an erection. I get morning wood and some random chubbies during the day when I’m not thing about getting hard. I’m pretty much experiencing sexual anxiety about being able to getting hard. When I try to jerk it and the though enters my mind I get down and my penis turtles up. I’m 19 and I’ve read this is common, but some advice would be awesome. Thanks everyone!
Simply put, anxiety is an erection killer. The brain is the most powerful sex organ known to man. Relax, any sign of anxiety alone or with a partner it’s time to stop immediately and relax.
Currently: 9.75bpX6.75eg My Picture Thread
Goal:10.0bpX7.25mseg Building a thicker unit, click by click, pump by pump, jelq by jelq!
That is so very true. Even just a glancing thought of distraction or self-doubt for an instant and your done until you get the head together again. Young or old, this still can occur. The male brain wiring is strange, subtle, wonderful and yet sometimes so damn uncooperative! I wonder if hypnotherapy would enhance an otherwise normal psyche?
Thanks a lot everyone, the issue is slowly going away and I’m going back to normal. I’m going to start doing some yoga and pelvic floor stretches to just relax. Also doing breathing sessions I have found help
Fantastic post as always good sir! Good timing for me as well. A while ago after a late night of smoking some bud with the lady I couldn’t get it up while we were messing around. This has never, ever, ever happened to me no matter the situation. But after that a tiny seed was planted in my head that my dick might not work right before sex. Since that seed was planted it has happened 3 times. Talk about a confidence killer!!
Interestingly enough the night after it happened we were discussing parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems function in receiving and maintaining an erection in my anatomy and physiology class. And just like previously stated to receive an erection your PNS dilates blood vessels causing an erection. If you start freaking out about being able to maintain your erection your SNS senses the stress and overrides your PNS by constricting blood flow to non-needed extremeties (from a survival standpoint) and dialates vessels around the heart, eyes etc..
What I have found helps the most is to just chill the fuck out!! You just have to know in every fiber of your being that your temporary ED was a total fluke and it won’t happen again. Which is easier said then done.
I also find that visualization helps emensely. A few nights ago I had an episode of psycogenic impotence, so I just calmed down and laid in bed naked with the wife. As we laid there I envisioned my cock being emensely huge and rock hard sliding into her. Trying to completely concentrate on the initial moment o entry. If you are visualizing this and even in your fantasy you go limp that’s ok, just keep going until you imagine your giant hard on rocking your womens world. While doing this I got hard after maybe 5 minutes of relaxing and we proceeded to have amazing sex.
It is definitely important to try and keep your confidence as high as possible if this happens and don’t dwell on it throughout the day just stay busy with other things and keep the past in the past. Well that was much longer than I intended. Hope this helps some of you out!! Also I am only 23 and in very very good physical condition so my problem was definitely physiological.
So you refer to your partner as your wife, so has this problem become to be since the first time you guys ever had sex? I developed some performance anxiety a year and a half in my relationship because of a situation being stressed and trying to masterbate and not being able to get it up
This is really in a sense, “off topic post” but it kinda fits this thread. After going through some recent size, and more-so performance anxiety and all around worrying about my dick, I wanna make this post for anyone roaming around thunder’s.
I started off with some hard flaccid issues and freaked out. I was not doing any PE routine at the time, just Kegeling. Went to the doc, no UTI etc.. put me on two antibiotics just in case. Needless to say they rally beat me up because after all, antibiotics do kill the good. So one day I read a few things on thunders and on PEGym with a guy who received from very, very bad anxiety issues in bed. I formed the idea of, “why am I worrying, This is so dumb.” So I started to use this mindset and my hard flaccid went away fairly fast if I did not feel my penis, or worry about it. Now, I still sometimes worry about it, but If i refrain from touching my unit and making sure it is okay, I am actually okay. Onto the performance anxiety.
I am still a teenager at 19, and it is not healthy to live in fear of things. Face your fears, surround yourself with positive people, and really guys, have sex with people worth your while. I mean hook up, but there is always some weird kick back from screwing a girl for one night. Back on track.. When I found my erections would be killed after this awkward period of possibly having hard flaccid, was when my heart would beat fast. I would get nervous, and obviously loose my erection. After calming down, and just talking it out with my GF I could easily have sex. I recently had sex, did not even freak out once, had an erection from foreplay, to the end. The brain is the biggest sex organ.
The moral of the story is do not get down. Talk to people, surround yourself with positive “vibes” and really keep busy. The more you are depressed about anything, the worse off it is. And id you do find yourself with a injury, wait it out, and get better. Supplement, stretch (If your pelvic floor may be tight), meditate, do yoga, hit the gym, just do whatever to get your life back on track. Also, you may go the Doc and tel him about these kind of things. They usually do not have a clue what you are talking about. In the case they do, or just listen to you, it is nice to talk to a professional like a Doc, or a counselor to just get it off your chest.
This video is really unrelated, and I stumbled upon it looking up some supplement information about Creatine. I was curious, and I do not believe it causes ED, but in some it might. I have never taken creatine, just protein and amino acids. Besides the point, the guy does a very good job at explaining how to handle yourself in bed/in life in general. I also rep his channel, like the information he has to offer when it comes to weight lifting/working out.
I would like to contribute… Just think of sex as a need. When I am thirsty I drink water. I don’t think about it. I just do it.I know it kills all the magic, but if you train your mind into it, in time you will have erection automatically when is sex time.
Sometimes is also good not to care about your lady during sex. I know it sounds at least outrageous, to all the gentlemen here, perhaps it is, but I can assure you that it works. It will put you in a state of mind like << I want and need to fuck now, for me and only me >>. It usually takes all the stress away if you are not trying to make someone else happy, besides yourself. Many times that state of mind, that selfish thing, can and will make your lady happy too. A woman likes a comfident and perhaps sometimes harsh man. Especially during sex.
If you think, I am in mood to fuck for an hour and see it only as a satisfaction of your personal need, don’t care what your ladie will say or do.Just do what you feel like. What you want. Not what your woman expects from you or what you think she expects for you. You take control. It’s your dick.You are not fucking by proxy.
Hope that helped….
BPEL 7 EG 5.5 NBPEL 6.5 Flaccid length 4.5. Started Jan 2015 at bpel 6.5 nbpel 6.0 and eg 5.2 flaccid length was 3.5
I have reached my goal. At least for now.