paulski: There are some understandings that I have come to grasp in my latter years. And I would be willing to bet that what I am about to share with you is a major driving force in the lives of many who are almost obsessive about PE or promiscuity or anything else. But I bet that many to whom this does apply, do not consciously understand it. Here goes.
I believe that men develop through various psychological stages as we move toward maturity and masculinity. And I believe that certain psychological foundations are essential if we are to develop a settled and satisfied sense of his own manliness, masculinity, settledness, maturity, and self satisfaction. As little boys we have a need to be validated by our fathers. We desperately need his affirmation that we are deeply valued by dad and that he believes we are all we should be. Little boys almost desperately call out “Hey dad, watch this, see me? See what I can do. What do you think of me now?” Our own present sense of adequacy is affirmed or undermined by how our dad responded to us.
If we were not affirmed by our dads we may go the rest of our lives with a restless emptiness that we try to satisfy by getting affirmation from others. I really believe that my desire to have a big dick (was larger than average to begin with) was a a manifestation of this. I always wanted a larger flaccid for public urinals, dressing rooms, showers, etc. Knowing others were looking and envious would make me seem validated. It was just another cry of “See daddy, see what I can do? Are you proud of me now?” We seek our significance in having a big dick, large muscles, a hairy chest, cussing like a sailor, screwing as many people as possible, making more money than others, driving bigger cars than others, or filling some other stereotype.
I don;t think one finds peace, satisfaction, masculinity, or the enjoyment of who we are until this fundamental issue is met. Until then we just desperately grope after fulfillment and validation. Very few fathers actually validate their sons in the way that they need for a balanced and satisfying mindset. But the problem can be overcome. Hope this is not too heavy for you. MXL