My STRANGE experience of PE
It started with depression, went in to hope, and ended in an even deeper depression.
Ever since I was about 12 years old I’ve hated the size of my penis. When I turned15 i stopped all activities that forced me to show my penis, including gymclass in school.
I had huge problems with my size, when everyone else grew, I didn’t. First, I thought that I was just late, but when I was 16 I understood that it wouldn’t grow at all. It looked exactly the same as when I was 9 years old, except the hair. I guess you can picture how it looked.
This made me very insecure and I had serious problems with my identity. I often cried my self to sleep because I thought about my lonely future. The years passed and I strarted to get panic. When I woke up to take a shower in the morning, I had attacks of anxiety when I saw my self (or, more precisly, my penis) in the mirror.
The biggest problem was not lying about me not being interested in training (wich requires public showering) or to almost pee your pants when there were only “shared” toilets in the mens room, but the abens of love. There were not a chance in the world that I would show this tiny freaky thing to a girl, no way. Everytime a girl showed interest in me, or had feelings for someone (which I really tried to ***) I broke down to a depression. Suicidial thoughts came to my mind more frequently and my hate against my self just seemed to grow.
This might seem like “too much” to you, but if the size shouldn’t matter, you would probably not waste hour after hour in painful exercises whos healthconsicuenses are not fully known. To me, my small penis became like cancer in my body, and it was slowly eating me.
Than, in me deepest depression ever, I saw and ad on the internet that said “Natural penis enlargement”! I whas shocked, I remember how I started to walk in circels thinking that I maybe could change my destiny. I did imiditly buy a membership and read the instructions.
I did mainly jelqing and some stretching. I started easy with just a few minutes and then went on to do 40 minutes, 5 days a week. I quickly felt how my penis became much harder in flaccid, but I kept on anyway. After about two months with this rutine, something really strange happend. It had happend that I masturbated directly after jelqing, maybe two or three times, even thou I read that I shouldn’t (after 40 minutes, it’s pretty hard to not do that). This time, everything would change.
After having an orgasm, I imidetly felt that something was wrong. It felt exactly like fever. I became sick and had to stay home from work the other day. I noticed that I didn’t have any erection in the morning the day after. That happend sometimes, but usually I had ti 7 days a week. The day after that, me and my famly would go to a vaccation, and I thought that would be a good rest from my PE. When I didn’t have ONE SINGEL erection on the week, I became really scared. 19 years old, perfect health and impotent? I had at least 10 erections a day before, but now they were gone. On that week I had no chance to stimulate my penis.
When I came home I tried, but I only had “sloppy” erections. I wated another week, nothing improved. But blinded by my mission to enlarge my penis (it was still the same size as before PE in flaccid, but “hard” and I could see a slight improvement in erected size, it was more girth in my semierection than in my earlier semierections) I started jelqing again, 40 min. a day, 5 days a week. I kept in for a few months, no remarkeble erectionimprovement.
Than, I met a girl, for a one night stand (the first time for me). She was very pushy, that’s the only reason that it happend. When I couldn’t get a good erection there, I stopped PE for good (exept some less fortunate vacuumpumping, that I wrote about earlier). This was now 14 months ago. Since that, I always wake up without erection and that’s the FIRST thing that I think about in the morning and it always sabotages my day. I’m not a man. I’m almost impotent.
After this messy story (sorry for my bad english) I have a few questions:
- My erections are better now, slowly improving. I can have pretty hard erections but it takes moretime than before and I hardly ever have a spontanious erection that’s hard ( my “hardest erection” today are about one inch longer and also thicker than before PE). I can now have pretty good erection from pornmovies without using my hands, which is new. Why don’t I have erections in the morning? I know that men have erections in the morning because the testosteronlevels are high than, why doesn’t it work for me if pornmovies does? Any recommendations what to do?
- EVERY TIME when I have to pee, my penis grows up to an inch! That never happend before PE. Why does that strange thing happen? The size is back to normal 30 seconds after peeing again. Could this be a clue to what’s wrong? What is activiated when you have to pee?
I’m thankful for every answer!