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I Kid You Not

I Kid You Not

I’m a stealth PEer so the wife doesn’t have a clue about my hobby. After a year of work, it’s mindboggling that she has not noticed my gains downstairs: going from small (regular Trojan condoms were loose) to medium-large (same condoms are uncomfortably tight.)

The other day she was giving me an odd look like: “Hmmm, something’s going on.”

I asked her why she was looking at me with an odd expression.

She tilted her head to one side, kept staring at my face and said, “Is it my imagination or is your nose bigger?” Totally serious. “Have you been pulling on it at night?”

I had to laugh at the irony. Relieved.
In her defense, though, she is fixated on noses in general and hers in particular. She had a nose job to make it “prettier” but it didn’t turn out quite to her satisfaction. She’ll see someone on tv and say, “I really like her nose…. I wish I had that nose.”

Maybe it’s true what they say about the size of a man’s nose. Maybe the two are mystically linked. Haha… one day she’ll wake up and find herself sleeping next to an elephant.


Nice story :) Doesn’t the nose carry on growing throughout your life or is that an old wives tale?


Sometimes I wonder how married guys keep their wives in the dark. After all it would be difficult explaining the time, countering the unexpected barge in, and most importantly, keeping everything hidden.

Is there any possibility (and I’m not speculating, just asking a dumb question) that your wife knows but doesn’t tell you?

I’ve heard that the nose ages, like all other of our body parts, by growing longer: not away from the plane of the face but downward toward the mouth in the vertical plane, that it “droops” as collagen production and connective tissue synthesis rates ramp down as all those wonderful youthful hormones diminish.

I know my wife extremely well, and she does not know. If she even guessed it she would bring it up. She may suspect subconsciously and this nose business is her Freudian slip which her conscious mind is still unaware of.
I think part of her oblivion is attributable to the fact that my gains were so steady, no growth spurts at all, just a smooth progression.


My wife hates her nose(I like it). I have heard that most women are unhappy with their nose(s?).
Sometimes I wish I’d started undercover with my jelqing so that my wife could be surprised, but like usual, my mouth’s too big and I can’t keep a secret! Luckily, she really liked the idea from the start-we had a good discussion before I even began.

HG, how big’s it got to get before she notices?!:)


I think this is a beautiful example of a Freudian slip. It’s almost poetic.

I think maybe her reaction is similar to when we cut off our mustaches or beards and people look at us and ask if we parted our hair differently.


"Sadly, however, seconds after its launch, it undergoes SMEF, or Spontaneous Massive Existence Failure,and disappears." Douglas Adams

I don’t understand how or why people keep this from thier significant others. Actually, I guess I can but you have to understand the amazing benefits of having it known. After two months of sexual activity with my girlfriend I just had to talk to her about it. I mean, what do you say if you should happen to hurt yourself? That alone is reason enough for me to tell.

But I’m a little off topic, I guess. Carry on and don’t mind me…

"It's not the destination that matters. It's the change of scene. " - Brian Eno


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