God damn it!

Ok, so I’m in sitting in my couch doing some PE. I’m at the end of my routine and so far it has been almost perfect - great stretching session and I’m getting a great pump from the squeezing and jelqing. I have only a few minutes left of my routine when I see something in the corner of my eye, something black and it’s creeping up on the sofa pillow right next to me. Immediately, the tiny Viking tries to run for cover inside my body and I’m like “eeek!”. It’s a black old spider sitting there, like 10 inches from me almost certainly planning some kind of dreadful mischief.

I get up, trying to find something I can use as a weapon against this monster of a spider. I grab a DVD-cover lying on the table in front of me and I approach the beast with an attitude like “Oh yeah, now you’re gonna get what’s a comin to ya you little fucker!”. Unfortunately, my hands are still messy from the wet jelqs so I fumble and I can’t get a good hit on the spider. Instead the spider retreats in between the pillows and I find it curled up in ball way back between the pillows, apparently I have injured it. “Aha!” I think to myself in triumph.
I run across the room looking for something long and thin to get the spider out with. I grab the ruler I use for measuring (my dick), and I try to kind of flick the spider out. However, the room is kind of dim and the spider is doing a helluva good job blending in with the shadows so instead of flicking the spider out I accidentally crush it. Now half of the spider is stuck on the ruler and the rest of it is smeared out in a revolting stain on one of the sofa cushions. “Wtf!!” I cry out angrily.

But whatever, the spider was dead and I thought to myself I’d finish what was left of my routine and clean up later. I didn’t regain the pump I had before the incident though; my unit just wouldn’t work with me anymore this time.

So there you have it, my little tale of “When creepy-crawlies attack unsuspecting PE:ers” and of how easy a good PE-workout can go to hell because of distractions.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I will go boil my ruler.

Fucking spider.

I hate it when things, especially creepy things, get in the way of a great workout.

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to PE.”

Adrenaline is a vaso-constrictor, me-thinks…

I would have caught it and set it free, but that’s just me. =)

Krowax: Of course, that would have been the right thing to do, but the reptile part of my brain completely took over my actions. I killed the spider while I was in a state where primitive survival instinct wiped out all rational thinking. ;)

hehe, I bet you where like “That’s what happens when someone tries to sneak up on me!”

Or perhaps “You have seen me PE’ing, now you must die a fearsome death!” hehe :D

The spider must be killed before he feeds off you while your sleeping, or before he crawls in your mouth at night for a drink while you sleep and you swallow him “resist gag reflex’ no shit I remember reading somewhere that we swallow a lot of spiders over our life time.

rymdrattan: I admit it, part of me thought like that. Fortunately, no humans have caught me in the act yet. ;)

Dino: Haha, wow I guess you really do learn something new every day. I had no idea spiders liked to drink from peoples’ mouths or that I’ve probably swallowed a few. I can recall a couple of flies, but no spiders. :D

You’re lucky you wern’t fulcrum hanging. Hard to battle a spider when tethered to your desk.

BG

Good work JK, best to kill the critter before he tells his spidey mates what he saw. After all we don’t want PE becoming mainstream.

Yeah, then Bib would get overrun with orders for those tiny little spider Bib hangers.

BG

Hey Dudes … very funny thread. I am with Krowax as to what I would have done, but JK’s retort was brilliantly comedic!

I think I would have dick slapped that booger!! “Get off my chair b$%ch!” THUD I think that would have made a great story. I think I’ll start a new poll: How many insects/spiders have you killed with your dick?

If it was a house spider you’d kill it by putting it outside, personally I smush them and funnily enough apologise whilst doing it :-k

brag