You have a small penis.
You have a small penis. That’s right, I said it. In fact, you have the smallest penis you have ever known, will know, or whatever, you know? Your penis is small and you’re spending your time, day after day, hour after hour, hoping that your penis will grow half an inch she won’t even feel. This is all fine and dandy, but this is also completely ridiculous. Do I have your attention now? Please, have the courtesy to finish reading this long-ass winded post that I’m about to make, because you are a gentleman. With a small penis.
Alright. Let’s get into why people get into penis enlargement. People get into PE because they feel they don’t have enough, their stuff down there doesn’t work, or they want more. There’s other reasons but those are the main ones. Now I don’t care for people who want more – they know what they’re after. I don’t care either for the gentlemen with penises who don’t work all that well – their attempts to get their penises to work again is totally justifiable. My problem is, my issue is, with people who think they don’t have enough. That’s right, I’m speaking to you, Mr. 5.5 inches. I’m also talking to you, 4-incher, and you too, you borderline-micropenis dude. Yes, you. And you too.
Let’s talk about how PE is ridiculous (and I’ll also go on about it’s virtues later on in the next paragraph so skip this one if you’re too much of a pansy to think critically). PE is ridiculous because look. Think about it. Let’s say your routine is 2 days on, 1 day off. You do a basic routine which holistically will take about 45 minutes. We’re talking about 45 minutes for about 4 – 5 days per week. So let’s say, worst case scenario – you are “exercising” your penis for 45 minutes a day, 5 times a week, so that equals 225 minutes per week, or 3.75 hours per week. Do you have a job? How much does 3.75 hours equal moneywise? Let’s say you earn minimum wage, so 3.75 hours is more or less $28. You know what you can do for $28? You can ask some pretty girl at the bar to convince you why you can do fine without PE. But this is an absolutely terrible idea, so I’ll shut the hell up for now.
Well no I won’t, I’m still here. And apparently you are too, because you’re still reading this. Alright. I put “exercising” in quotes above because let’s think for a second about what penis enlargement, as far as you’re concerned, really is. Penis enlargement is grabbing your dick and stretching it in linear dimensions for god knows what reason. You bend over and stretch that shit till it hurts. You stretch it so hard, that you rip it off and glue it back again. You know what? Not even Chuck Norris does that. You stretch it because you have some illusion that bigger is better. You’ve seen porn and those dudes are like, huge, right? I want a penis like that, you say. I wanna have sex tonight, right now, I wanna fuck the prettiest girls out there and rip them in half with my penis while I drive my Ferrari and when I come, the car literally stops because of how hard I just came.
This is stupid. You jelq, and you squeeze your dick till it turns blue. And all the while your penis feels numb and you go, “It’s growing!”
It isn’t. It really isn’t.
5.5 inchers, what are you after? A half inch so that you’re closer to the national average? Look. A half inch is about the size of your thumbnail. Do you really think she’s gonna feel that length? Suppose she does. Is she really gonna feel pleasure when all you’re concerned with is whether she is feeling pleasure because you grew a mere half inch? Is girth your problem? What? Come on. Seriously? Do I seriously need to talk about how gaining girth is ridiculous? And let’s deal with something deeper here. Did you even get laid the past three months while you were doing PE? How many offers to have sex did you pass up because you were feeling powerless? How many girls did you imagine feeling pleasure while you did them in your imagination while masturbating during these three months?
4 – 4.9 inchers, you aren’t that small. I mean, you probably are small. Fuck it. You suck. But think about it. At 4 inches your penis is about the size of a sex toy. If you’re a seasoned porn viewer (I know you are you perv) you will have seen that some sex toys can be of infinite pleasure for women. You just gotta know how to use it, is what I say.
3 inchers, consider penis enlargement. Kidding.
What average size is the vagina? I don’t think it can take much more than 7 inches, if I’m correct, and the average pretty girl isn’t interested in being ripped to shreds. Wiki it. Now.
You’re back here, you’re desperate. You’re hoping I will say something good about PE, well I will.
I gained .2” in a year. Yes, you’re right. I’m a former 5.5er and now I’m a 5.7er. You know why I did it? I didn’t want to please a woman that much. I mean I did, but I wasn’t that desperate. I wasn’t super self-conscious about my size. All I wanted was a little more self-esteem, a little more “power” for that lightning rod between my legs. I plan to stop when I’m at about the national average for the US. What average do I speak of? The average depth and girth of the average woman. In fact, maybe smaller, because I’d like my balls to ricochet on her vulva and then off the walls and stuff.
Look, I’m getting tired of typing and you’re tired of reading, so let me just end this with a story. Let’s say you’re bottom of the barrel loser, you have no job, you live with your parents, and you’re 24. You have ZERO self esteem, and if your self-esteem could be put in a box, the box would be empty. Nothing but air in there. Your penis is 5.5 inches, like mine was once, and you’d like to aim for the golden goal of 8” by 6”. You are doing an intense hour-long routine 1 day on, 1 day off. You don’t care that that infrared lamp over there is doing permanent damage to your retinas, as long as you get to use your eyes long enough to see the ugly girls you’re doing. I want you to stop what you’re doing right now, and ask yourself more serious questions. Ask yourself if your parents love you. Ask yourself what happened to the only friend you had until you lost him because you were too busy playing WOW and enlarging your penis. Ask yourself where you can begin to improve your life WITHOUT living with the myth in your head that size matters exponentially. Because size, does it really matter? Women can’t even answer that. Imagine that, you’re enlarging your penis, you’re wasting your time when she won’t even mind if you’re 5.5” or 5.7”. This was my life, by the way. Be a little more critical, not just with PE, but with your entire life.
Penis enlargement is not bad. I encourage you to continue doing it if you absolutely must. Hell, I know have a pretty clear picture of when I’ll stop. PE is only bad if you make it the center of your life at the expense of the things that matter the most: love, friendship, family, and happiness. Stop it man. You’re worth more than that. Think just a little bit.
You’re bored, I get it. Peace.
Last edited by Tristeza : 01-04-2011 at .