Wife doesn't want me to PE, or doesn't want me to be a person who would PE

Good point, Kyro! An educated woman’s attitude towards PE should necessarily be the same as that of the chicken running in front of the older hen-cock: her best option is to slip and fall down.

Because the supposition that “women don’t want you to become too attractive” has much credibility, I add the following:
as long as a woman considers you are not yet perfect (and you’ll never be, believe me!), she will want you to improve. Turning their SO into Mr. Perfect is the women’s #1 priority (and rather annoying for us), in spite of the fact that they will become more attractive to other women. In fact, women care more about their SO to be attractive than the men themselves! They want their men to be clean, nicely dressed, shaved, fresh hair-cut, etc.
Women not wanting their SO to become more attractive would be as absurd as someone not wanting to get rich fearing exposure to robbery.

I personally am offended that my gf don’t want me to have a bigger penis - I want sex to be more important lol.

RickM, I feel for you! I understand that you have tried a lot to solve the situation. Though it’s not clear from your posts how open your discussion with your wife was about the importance of sex to you.

If you haven’t tried it already, my suggestion would be a discussion based on logical argumentation:
- First, your wife should admit that her renouncing to sex and you not creates a tension, so there is a problem in her (your) marriage.
- She should wish to search for a solution to the problem, possibly a compromise.
- Now, you may reach con-sense whether you lose your drive, or she gets an enhanced libido
a) Losing your appetite for sex, if you are not mentally set for that (obviously you are not), doesn’t have a reasonable practical way to accomplish
b) Libido enhancement is a medically advised common practice
If she still considers alternatives a) and b) being equal, a practical argument in favor of b) is that sex improves health for both partners.

I feel really lucky that my wife went through menopause without virtually noticing it!

RickM,

Your story is very disheartening, especially for a young Christian such as myself. Her christian beliefs should if anything persuade her that she should be having sex with you not the other way around. Does she study scripture?

What about 1st Corinthians 7:3-5
3)The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4) The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5) Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.

Not to mention the whole book of Song of Solomon. As a Catholic myself I can tell you that the church of today would be against her lack of effort in the bedroom with you.

I was wondering before you got married did you ever discuss your sexual desires to each other? Did she ever express to you prior to marriage that she wasn’t going to “play the slut” role? This is something I thoroughly plan on doing before I marry.

I agree with Kyro that for a woman to encourage a guy to PE, would mean that penis size mattered. Many women don’t want to admit that.

My wife and I are strong Christians and she would tell you it is her duty to fullfill my sexual desire, likewise I do the same for her. A Christian who know their scripture knows that sex in the confines of marriage is a gift God wants us to enjoy. In our case lots of sex is our choice. In others cases the couple does not want lots, and that is OK too if both agree. However if one has a higher sex drive, the other should fullfill their duty to their spouse.

@ Rickm, You should let your wife know that denying you sex is a form of infidelity. Think about it.

Well said!

I believe that but I can also see how alot of other people would disagree with that. I would tell her to wash the sand out of her vagina and than tell her she looks fat. I’m just kidding. Really though, you must be thoroughly honest with her and as your wife she should at least understand where you are coming from. There must be some compromise. If not, You both need marriage counseling. Good luck brother and keep us updated.

Your wife doesn’t like that you do PE because it makes you less genuinely masculine and rugged in her mind. It’s the same as the "best girlie’s" reaction in this video. Watch to the end.

Hi Guys,

Hey, I’m blown away by the interest I have sparked here. Thanks heaps for your input. It really is most appreciated.

I have given your comments lots of thought and my reply follows. I hope I have addressed all your comments. Please note, they are as I see them relating to me and my particular circumstances. Others might have different circumstances and different comments would apply.

I totally agree with this. However, if you talk to any counsellor, they’ll tell you that there’s no point even starting unless both parties recognise there’s a problem. She acknowledges the traumatic childhood, but not that it’s affecting her today. She’s a very much “in control” type person and expects me to be too.

Another issue is that my wife is Catholic and I’m a charismatic, evangelical (Vineyard Christian Fellowship). We couldn’t do it though our churches, but could try a Christian Counsellor. Actually, we did try that about a year ago, but it really went nowhere.

The sad thing here is that she’s well aware of the power of prayer having seen it dramatically in our grandchildren ( a story for another day). However, she does not see it as the answer to a problem because the problem does not exist, to her anyway.

I tried that when I ‘fessed to foreskin restoration. However, she saw it as a weakness in me that I couldn’t accept myself as I was. The hassle she raised was so great that I’m loathe to tell her about PE. It just ain’t worth it.

Having watched her response to restoration, I agree totally with your points 1 and 4. The second point probably does not apply, but I really don’t know because I haven’t discussed it. The third point would only apply if I was looking around and other girls knew I had a big dick – this won’t happen while ever she’s alive. In fact the only folk who will know are my fellow Peers and some guys in the gym change room who really don’t matter in this instance.

I can assure you, based on foreskin restoration, she would not act indifferently. Quite the reverse. And unless someone can convince me otherwise, I really don’t want to put up with the hassle.

I tried logical argumentation with foreskin restoration. She was so opposed that logic went out the window. It was impossible.

I know that many women are not affected by menopause and some have sex drives enhanced by it; however, many lose all interest in sex and that’s that – unless they go in for HRT. In my case, she won’t do that. I’m on HRT and it is quite expensive. She would see it as a waste of money (if you haven’t got a sex drive, you don’t know or have forgotten what it’s like to have one). She would ask why and not understand that it matters to me.

I’m really sorry Damien, the last thing I wanted to do was to undermine your sense of Christianity. But to reply to your comments:

She has studied scripture with me over the years, but she is no scholar and really does not like the Old Testament. As for your 1 Corinthians quote, yes, that’s true and that’s what we should all aspire to. However, Christ’s example was to be a servant, to not force Himself on anyone – even to death on the cross. He, the perfect servant, gave Himself up – totally (Eph 4:25-28). I should do the same and never force myself on her. She knows who I am (although she does not know about PE) and the impetus for change should come from her.

Hey, and I love the Song of Solomon.

And no, we never did any counselling before marriage – nobody did in our day, sadly. However, I suspect that even if we had done so, if she has no sex drive, she really does not understand what I’m on about, or has forgotten anyway. I’m enjoying watching two of my grandsons as they enter puberty (11 and 13). The younger has absolutely no understanding about sex and says YUK when a couple kiss in a movie. I note that the older now keeps a roll of toilet paper in easy reach of his pillow and I bet that’s not to blow his nose (but I really don’t know); he also has a girlfriend. My very strong advice to you is to discuss all these things with your spouse before and throughout your marriage. Discuss what can happen at different stages of your lives ahead of time and how you might respond to it when it happens. But do so selflessly – put the others needs first always if you can. We have not done that and now our bad habits are thoroughly ingrained.

This much is true.

I think the last thing RickM should do is attempt to bully her into anything. Which is what cornering her with logic would make her feel: bullied. How she feels is far more important in this situation than any logical construct can begin to address.

Very often with that approach you lose way more than you gain, even if you appear to get what you want by ‘winning’.

I get the feeling RickM’s marriage is important to him and I don’t think this approach would jibe with being a servant and not forcing anyone.

Logical arguments look good on paper, but they don’t work in situations that depend on the quality of someone’s experience in the realm emotionally driven interpersonal dynamics.

Or as George Clinton would say back in the Parliament Funkadelic days: If it don't fit, don't force it

You’d be even luckier if she got crazy horny from it. I’ve been with a couple ladies in that category. Although… it does have it’s drawbacks. It can be exhausting.

Anyway.

The original intent of the thread is to ask the question “To tell or not to tell the wife/SO…”

I get a general consensus that it’s probably not a good idea in most situations. That would be my opinion too.

I’ve only told one of my ladies and, though she tried to be open minded and a good sport about it, it really bothered her. I think it’s a truly unusual woman that can get behind PE. It’s all that man-stuff they don’t get; whips and snails and puppy dogs tails, as it were. Part sports nutrition, part body building (of a sort), part science, part porn… all the stuff the women have trouble with about us and want to change. So let’s face it: it’s a genuinely weird hobby.

Why wouldn’t they be wigged out?

:eek2:

First, thank you Mr Happy for your comments.

Yes, I’ve tried the bullying approach. All that happens is that each gets into a corner and throws hand grenades at the other. It goes nowhere, except to hurt both. I learned that one first by trying to convince her to change from Catholicism (How in the hell could I have done that. But I did! Oh, the dreadful mistakes we make. But that’s another story.)

I also agree with someone earlier, that we should be totally open with our spouse and keep nothing back, hidden. However, the more I think about it, the more I feel there might be some exceptions. Not many, but some.

PE is extremely important to me (as it is with nearly all guys who ready this), along with foreskin restoration. She will never understand that — well that’s what I believe anyway. I know her response to restoration because I weakened and told her, thinking I could explain it and we would come out of it OK.

Some of the posts here bring tears to my eyes — guys whose wives went through menopause OK — I know some women who came out more randy than ever. However, that card has not been delivered to me. I can bitch about it, scream, rant, rave, whatever, but it won’t change anything.

A “weird hobby” it is and most women will never understand it, especially those who have no sex drive — why would they. I suspect a lot of guys might not understand it either. Then again, I have not discussed it with most of them either and I might be wrong.

Having said that, I would counsel any younger guys here to try to be open with their spouses and share everything. Please, start your marriage on a better footing then me, one where discussion is expected and, while we might not understand the others feelings, we are willing to give on some things that are very important to the them. We did no marriage preparation, nor did most of my peers. Most younger guys I know today do. I wish… .

You have then the experience to find the suitable approach. I wrongly supposed that your wife is detached enough from sex so she could have an emotionless discussion about it. I once met a woman saying that she preferred a computer-to-computer type of discussion versus an emotional one. Rare kind of women, but there are some…

If I’d be in your situation, I think I couldn’t accept giving up. In a married couple where there is respect for one another, there should be ways to get to an agreement. I still think your wife can be made to understand your point of view.
Does she admit there is a problem? Does she think she has a reasonable solution for you?

Share everything, but PE! Well, you are allowed to tell about PE only if she is obsessed by cocks AND you already have a large unit. In any other case you have more to lose, beginning with her respect!