Hello Everyone -
First, great forum. Kudos to Thunder. May be donating soon if I can figure this problem out. Any help would be much appreciated.
I’ve been married for 17 years. Marriage started out very shaky. The first two or three years of our marriage, I put her through total hell. We got married very early in life (unexpected pregnancy); I was only 18 years old and a complete bastard womanizer. I was very good looking at the time, and had no trouble getting one night stands, two girls at the same time, and so on. I could tell you guys stories that would make the Penthouse Forum editor blush. I have no idea why I am not dead from any number of sexually transmitted diseases. Frankly I should have them all.
My wife, bless her, stuck with me through it all - the women calling late at night, the panties under the bed that weren’t hers, wrong color hair on the bathroom floor, cigarettes on the lawn with strange lipstick on it, etc. But I got my head on straight, realized I loved her, realized what a total shit I was, and for about the last 15 years I’ve managed to be true to her. Happily.
Despite this, I have no doubt that she has been psychologically damaged by my idiocy. She is still very insecure; always worried about me. Not jealous or anything like that, but always, always worried. I work on assuring her and making her feel better about herself as best as I can. Love her very much and would never knowingly hurt her again. Tremendous guilt, still, for knowing what I did to her.
So, here’s the problem.
‘Round 10 years ago I did some theorizing on the whole PE thing and experimented on my own. Made a homemade ‘pump; came up with some exercises. Gained about 1/2 inch length and girth. The base gained about 2”. Our sex life was really something and it was awesome to use the extra gains in bed. She did and said all the right things - “filling me up!” “So big!” and so on. But outside of the bedroom, very very insecure about why I was doing it, and was worried that I was slipping back into my old womanizing habits. She was also worried about our kid finding the equipment, and felt it was all a bit “trashy.” Despite the fireworks. She also claimed that I was too big and that it hurt if I pushed in too far. So with a powerful sigh, after a few months I let go of my aspirations..
Now we’re both older; sex isn’t what it used to be. Mainly because, well, it’s become routine. We go without for a few weeks, sometimes months. When we do it’s loving and she always orgasms seven or eight times, but it’s not exactly inspiring, and it’s mostly my fault. Also, I’ve noticed my past gains have slipped a bit over the years and her claims of my being too big have subsided. Thought maybe I’d pick up PE again to add some spark, found Thunder’s place and read several inspiring stories. Some of the regulars here seem to have good hearts, so I thought I’d ask..
Given our past history, should I discuss it with her first? Not do anything at all? Or surprise her with the results of a few months of PE? Her birthday’s coming up in April; I could avoid sex until then, and most likely keep my efforts secret without much difficulty (preventing me from donating right away, as she handles all finances with an eagle eye). Ordinarily I never keep anything from her, but I must confess that the fantasy of her reaction in bed to a new “me” is a powerful siren call.
If anyone manage to read through this whole horribly long post of mine, can you give me your stories re: wife? Done in secret? Done with full knowledge? Bad reactions? Good? Any wives out there that were surprised one night by their husband? What was your reaction?
Thanks so much in advance.