The guy who never gets hard.

Thank you for the reply Cervix! I also think this is the key to my problem, but It’s easier said than done to not think about it.

But is it likely that I will get a prescription from a doctor at my age (21) ?

I go soft if I don’t keep constantly pleasing my self physically. And I feel I have to push towards the PONR (ejaculation) to get a 100% erection. That said, I’m constantly thinking about how hard my erection is, even when masturbating.

You have performance anxiety. You are thinking about having a raging erection instead of just going with the flow and letting it happen. I had the same thing and in a very bad way after my divorce. Here’s what I did to fix it. Take a picture of your raging boner after PE on your phone. This will be a confidence booster and you can show it on purpose or “accidentally” to your girlfriend. This will already establish what you are working with and take some pressure off. Cialis and viagra were mentioned and obviously work and will make erections effortless although still the anxiety will cause problems. Try drinking decaf green tea as it relaxes you. I’ve found that a glass or 2 of red wine loosens you up and helps relieve the anxiety. Its hard because we are all doing PE and thinking about EBPL and EQ and girth while we are having sex and sometimes we should just be thinking about sex.

Put shyness apart and go see a doctor. He may do some testing, like ultrasound doppler measurements of your penile blood circulation and assure you it’s only performance anxiety you have. It has nothing to do with age, we are all possible victims :)

He will prescribe you 2 pills (I think no more than that) to help you regain your confidence. He may even handle you the pills.

P.S. Get this problem solved as soon as possible, because it only goes worse…

Another vote for performance anxiety. You are so worried about your performance and pleasing her that you neglect your own pleasure.

Thunders member Yataghan50 has an excellent blog about treating retarded ejaculation. That is not an issue for you, but he’s got a good section dealing with Performance Anxiety:

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The next issue is performance anxiety. I always had issues with being ‘the best’. I’d rather avoid sex than be known as someone who was sexually incompetent. This was a vicious cycle, because going through a phase of sexual incompetence is a necessary step in becoming sexually confident.

At 17, when I tried to have sex for the first time I didn’t actually lose my virginity - I was so nervous I didn’t erect. I was humiliated. I didn’t try again until I was 18. At this point, I was so focused on pleasing the woman, and not letting myself down, my own pleasure became completely irrelevant. I didn’t have sex for pleasure, but for experience. Just so I didn’t feel like a chump. I found that the motions were enough to keep me erect, but never did I feel close to orgasm, never did I enter that state of mind. In fact, since I was so wrapped up in my own performance and had underlying anxiety, there was no way I could reach orgasm in a mutual sexual situation - even with my own hand.

Since learning to cum from the fleshlight, and subsequently with women I now go into sex with orgasm in mind…as any normal person would :) . I’m selfish. I don’t mind if I don’t conform to the unrealistic standards I set for myself. I just do whatever feels good. While I had a very strong ego before, and would worry about messing up, now I just aim for pleasure. Which leads on to the next point…

Lack of arousal. This is a tough one. During sex, the motion was enough, even thought it felt awkward, to keep me erect. The penis, however remained numb. This is where a change in attitude comes in. When I’m with a girl, I’m generally thinking about what feels good for me. I don’t mind if massaging her ass during making out may seem poor form. I don’t care if stroking my own penis may seem poor form. It gets me aroused, so I do it. You have to be selfish, simple as that….ad you have to try and get to that ‘false point of no return’

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Thanks for all the great advices guys, you’re the best! I will definitely try these things out.

I’ll post again when I have brought myself to have sex with a girl :)

Cheers
Zeye

Hello again!

Above I said I would post when having sex with a girl again. Well, yesterday I did, for the first time in a year! The Girl is someone I’ve been seeing for about a month, and I really like her! I’ve was pretty nervous about not keeping a erection/getting hard as usual, but I had taken a potency pill, which help keep the erection even when being nervous.

As for the dirty details - She asked me to wank off to her laying naked on the bed. After a while she gave me a BJ, and this was the first time showing my dick to her, which I had been really nervous about. After a couple of minutes she stopped and said “We cant have anal, your dick is to big” (She’s been talking about how much she loves anal). After that it felt like all my insecurities were gone. I fucked her, and we both came.

I’m feeling happy!
Once again; thanks guys! All the advice really helped! I’ve learned that I need to have a mental connection to a girl to get really turned on by her. I may not fuck a hundred girls before i die, but I don’t care anymore - It’s just not who I am.

Cheers
Zeye

I also suffer from performance anxiety but not with respect to performing sex, probably because I’m a shower. But if I was a grower I’m sure I would have performance anxiety. It sounds very much as the others mentioned that you have performance anxiety.

I have taken medication for my anxiety as it affected other aspects of my life, particularly work and education. Unfortunately some medications while effective in the short-term tend to lead to tolerance (e.g. benzodiazepines) and are less effective over the long-term. Others (SSRIs) are just far less effective, in my opinion. Therapy works somewhat especially when combined with progressive exposure. If it continues to occur consider seeing a qualified health professional because as in my case, avoidance behaviour only makes the anxiety stronger but it sounds like you’re doing better. Good luck.

Zeye: As stated by several others, you are not alone. Thank God for ThundersPlace where we can freely talk, eh? I am almost 60 and I’ve had the same challenge since I was 17. I get hard night & morning wood, but can’t get hard either with masturbation or porn. V has been a monumental blessing. Get that prescription! But even V is not fail-safe and I go soft. Since experimenting with various exercises posted here on TP I have had great success using a constriction band around the base. But probably the greatest help (and this won’t be popular) is to find a good woman who loves you no matter what, marry her and spend the rest of your lives committed to filling one another’s needs.

I agree with FartherIn. After all that’s what it’s all about.

Two points:

1. The more you worry, the worse it gets. I am 100% sure if this, at least if your problem is in the mind, which it is if you can get erect by yourself with porn. One remedy that actually works: have a steady relationship for a while. You will get comfortable enough to perform well with that one person who accepts you, and it will slowly build your confidence back.

2. It’s only happened to me a couple times, all on my first time with the woman I was with at the time. One of those times I couldn’t get it up so I just kissed her for hours and went down on her and made her come about six times through most of the night. I only penetrated her a couple times for 30 seconds or so with a semi. The next day she told me she’d never been given attention like that and that it was the best time she’d ever had.

Like joesnuffy, this happened to me on a first time with a girl. Like him, I had to let my tongue lead the way and use my semi as well as I could. After this time I was OK, but first time performance anxiety is a pain. Congratulations on hanging in there until you could gain some new confidence. Most of us live for the day when she says, “You’re too big”. Have fun.