She noticed

Congrats OP.

That’s screwed up thinking. You’re self-preservation justification is just BS. Whether or not she cheats on you is irrelevant. You should have integrity, even if she doesn’t. You would be better and happier for it. If she cheats, kick her to the curb.

It also might turn out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because, if you cheat, chances are she knows or suspects it, which in turn might cause her to cheat.

I can think of a million other reasons why that thinking is screwed up, but I’m too tired to articulate. Please don’t take this as an attack, I just want you to be happy man!

PS: It’s “could have” not “could of”. I’ve seen that alot lately and it’s getting on my nerves. Grrrr!

Yeah, my bad on the could of.

I was seventeen and stupid at the time, what can I say. Two years away from home have made me mature a lot. I honestly didn’t respect girls all that much at the time for whatever reason. I just figured that I was young, and had a lot of living left to do, so I might as well do it for the story. Since finding a good girl that I actually like for the right reasons, my views on the matter have changed.

It’s not so much that we need to change the way we think. We need to stop thinking.

Instead of thinking we can choose to simply engage directly with life. But what actually happens is that there is a constant ongoing running commentary in our heads which accompanies all our activity.

If you make a commitment to noticing that running commentary, it will die down of its own accord! You will start to see that most of it is nonsense. However the sad state of most people is that they believe every word this running commentary whispers in their ear. In fact, they take more notice of the running commentary than the actual sensory input from the so-called *real world*.

Thus we are not living in the real world, we are living in our heads. Every event, every interaction with others, simply triggers another barrage of thought, and it is this stream of thought that we live in.

It need not be like this. The beginning of liberation is simply to notice when this is happening to you :)

Are you a psychologist? Or are you living the same hell lol. I do listen to these thoughts in my head. Most of them are sensible and I try to make sure that I’m completely honest with myself.

I guess my greatest fear is being blind to what is going on around me. The problem is my paranoia has actually led me to find out about women cheating on me enough times to make me really wonder. So is it worse to be miserable because of paranoia or run around being confident and secure but blind to the signs that she’s cheating then being blindsided when she leaves or you accidentally find out about it?

Every woman I’ve had a serious relationship with has cheated on me and that has led me to believe women are always searching for something better, whether it be in the sack or just in general. I don’t want to be the blind trusting fool but I don’t want to be the paranoid cell phone checker either. Juan out.

The secret is taking good care of yourself emotionally, spiritually and physically. You can’t count on someone else to make your life happy. That’s called a codependent relationship , it’s a recipe for disaster and leads to all kinds of manipulation, passive–aggressive behavior etc.

Do you love yourself? Do you suffer low self esteem? Do you think most of your happiness depends on external factors? Do you feel not in control?

That shit right there is very likely the reason you are the weak link in your relationships. Women’s subconscious picks up this stuff like a sponge, that’s how their brain is hardwired. Many women begin a relationship with all the best intentions but if they smell this shit, their survival instinct goes banana and they often don’t even realize why they feel this urge to cheat.

If you don’t love/accept yourself how do you expect someone else to do it for you? Your mum is not around anymore, unconditional love except from your parents in fact is just MEGABULLSHIT good for Disneyland!

People who are happy with themselves don’t feel threatened by external factors, because they don’t need them to be complete, and this is what actually attracts women, friends , good relationships. Shit happens to them too of course, positive thinking is not a shield..lol

Im 43 and I’m still working on it, it’s not easy so don’t be too hard on yourself but start doing something NOW!

Let’s just say I know the terrain well :D
Others have been before me and given and have given me similar advice to what I am now presenting to you.
My problems were different to yours, but the root cause was the same - thought :)

Many people try to balance “bad” thoughts with “good” thoughts. It’s all baloney. It’s thinking that is the problem in the first place. If you really ponder on what I am saying, I promise you, a light bulb will come on - IF you want it to. And then you will see how you can be released from the self imposed torture you go through on a daily basis. Life operates in a completely different way to how most people think.

So true, and the corollary to that is the fact that we subconsciously chose cheaters as partners because of all this shit that is in our heads. If our heads were clear, we would chose other clear-headed people as partners. So it’s no good blaming the particular woman in question, she was chosen by you to give you the opportunity to wake up!

Thx for the advice guys.. I’ll muddle through somehow :)

Great story OP. This is my goal of PE

My first wife asked me what I would do if I caught her cheating. I told her I would throw him five bucks and tell him to go buy a decent piece of ass.

lmao brilliiant!

This motivates me for sure dude!

Beautiful comeback, I’m sure you meant it too!

Is that comment the reasons she’s your “first wife”? lol

Keep at it OP. Now you got the motivation I think you’ll go further than a lot of people here, oftentimes I just get bog down with other stuff and can’t be bothered I have no real motivation behind it. Its nice to see someone succeed though shows definitive proof that its possible if you put enough effort in, congratulations!