Need advice3

I started seeing this girl and we really like each other. I never had a serious relationship before and this girl is amazing. But I am starting to get freaked out because I feel like I am going to lose my freedom. She calls me all the freaking time, wants to hang out every day, and I just feel trapped. She asked me tonight on a walk if I needed some time to myself to figure out what I want to do with my life and call the whole thing off and I told her no cause I just couldn’t let a girl like her get away. But at the same time I want to break it off. I just feel freaking stuck. Is it normal to feel like this when you get serious with a girl? She already told me she has marriage in mind for me. I am just freaked out, is it normal to feel like your going to lose your freedom? Feedback is appreciate thanks!

-Uplink

How long have you been together?

Is the sex good?

Do you get along in non-relationship activities? Do you have similar hobbies? Can she come out drinking with you and the boys?

I tend to only enter into relationships with girls who are chill enough to double as a close friend AND a fuck buddy. They need to be able to hold a good conversation, drink and joke and play poker, read books, sports, video games. But you also need to like the things SHE likes to do - its not all about you.

Also, how old are you? If you are younger than 26 and she is talking about marriage she is probably a psychopath and you should ABORT ASAP.

Mr. Uplink, I have been through this with my last girl (she was my first relationship.) You will feel trapped. I sure as hell know I did. But you NEED to realize that it isn’t that big of a deal. If she calls all of the time, answer. I did the opposite and DON’T DO THAT!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T DO IT!! I can only speak for myself, but for me I never had any obligation to call anyone before her. It is scary having to be obligated to do it. But it isn’t that hard to do. I felt that she was being extra clingy because of that, but she was just being a female. I will give you the marriage comment, that shit is fuckin’ scurry! I am assuming you two are fairly young, so I think that marriage comment isn’t that much to worry about she is just young and naive and will probably grow out of that idea. So to conclude, you WILL feel like you are losing freedom (and in a sense, you are), but it isn’t that much freedom lost compared to the gains you get from a relationship.

Good comments you guys. I am 23 years old. Neither of us drink or anything, but I guess the scary part about it is she hates video games. I am a gamer and I relapse back into that from time to time. I guess the part that I am afraid of is that we won’t have similar interests once were married and living together. Oh and by the way I am pretty much still a virgin and she is to, so were waiting until marriage. The other part about it is she is actively involved in a church (and I used to be) and I have nothing against that I have the same relegious beliefs. But at this point of my life I just don’t even know who the hell that I am. I don’t know what I want to do for a career, my hobbies, my interests. I don’t know where I want to go in life or anything! I guess thats the scariest part about it.

You make money gaming?

No?

Time will come to put down the PS and start interacting in the real world.

That said, you’re a little young to get married, not simply age wise but generally so if you don’t know who you want to be when you grow up [and also if gaming is that important to you— my opinion].

Be living where you want to live doing what you want to do before you even think of ‘settling down’— I didn’t have that in hand and everything got sidetracked for a woman that I haven’t spoken to without lawyers involved in ten years.

You want advice? Go join the Navy [better chow and unlikely that you’ll ever hear a shot fired in anger] — you’ll get some mileage behind you and gather experience that you will carry with you your entire life.

You are just too young! When the time is right and the right girl acts and talks like this, you will be happy to hear it.

All animals have instincts as to when to migrate, mate, build nests etc…why do we as humans not realize we have instincts too? Your “instincts” are telling you that you aren’t ready for a serious relationship, but your mind wants to hold on to her because you don’t think you will find some one else as good, right?

Trust your instincts, you aren’t ready! I would level with her, which is part of being a grown up, the ability to have an honest discussion.

Tell her that you think shes really great, but you aren’t ready for a serious one on one relationship. Tell her that you would love to continue to see her, if she is alright with you dating others. She probably won’t be, but give her the option. ( and it WILL fuck with your head when she is banging, I mean “dating” others.)

In the future, don’t let any woman believe you are exclusively with her unless that’s what you want. Its not fair to them.

The time will come, but its obviously not now.

AND by the way, its alright to date MANY women at once, as long as you are honest and upfront about it. NEVER lie to women about seeing others, they will bust you and you will lose. If you are honest, it actually makes you more attractive to them, even though they will try their best to make you commit to them exclusively.

I cannot be much help in your situation my friend. Although my girl friend is a little bit clingy as-well so I know the feeling. If your feeling cramped, then ask for space. If she won’t comply, then it won’t work out in the end. Plain and simple. Oh and for the love of god don’t ever join the military, please for the love of god don’t.

Uplink, this does not sound like the healthiest of relationships. When you have to give up or change who you are for fear of losing your mate, then that is not a good relationship. Is it doable? Why yes, there are TONS of relationships where people have to compromise or sacrifice just to please the other one for fear of losing them. However it just sucks, and has the potential to just build up inside of you, until the relationship ends.

You already lost your freedom by giving up on your video games and having to spend every waking moment with her. It can get worn out very fast, and before you know it, you’ve lost weight from missing meals :D . So basically you have three options:

Option 1. Tell her how you feel, and make your decision based on how she reacts.

a. If she flips out, exaggerates, and/or says things like “I understand, you don't want to see me anymore.” Then this is a bad sign. It means she has problems upstairs and cannot see logic. I could write an essay on all of the bad things she could do/say/use if she reacts this way to you talking with her. Get out while you can!

b. If she is cool about it, then congratulations, this is very rare and you may want to consider playing the lottery for being VERY lucky :lep: .

Option 2. Dump her.

Option 3. Remain in your same situation.