My Story: Losing And Regaining My Confidence
I want to apologize for the length of this post. I feel I need to get the whole story written down to share with those who have unselfishly shared their stories. I’ve never been much on ego or very competitive, however I’ve always wished I had confidence. This story tells how I lost my confidence, and how I’m getting it back. If you’re perusing this forum in hopes of regaining your confidence and increasing the size of your penis, keep reading.
I first discovered my dick was small when I moved from Michigan to Ohio in the 6th grade. In Ohio we had to take showers after gym class. To my surprise, all the rest of the guys, with the exception of very few, were already men and had long hairy schlongs. I was a little above average height for my age and it astounded me to find out that kids who were a head shorter than me, had 6 to 8 inch dicks and pubic hair. I figured that your penis grew with the rest of your body at a similar rate. Not quite. After seeing my new friends naked, I expected that I would soon get pubic hair and my pecker would grow to match up with the rest of the guys. At this age my confidence wasn’t negatively affected. I knew that I should be entering puberty soon and although I was crazy about girls, I didn’t really know much about sex. (I do have to say that according to what the average penis size is now, based on studies, it has to have been much bigger when I was young. Virtually none of the guys I went to school with were any smaller than 6 inches flaccid length, and many were easily over 8. They must have been enormous when erect.)
By the time I got to the 8th grade there was absolutely no physical difference to my penis, even though I had grown about 8 inches taller. That made my dick look even smaller. Most of the other guys also packed on a few pounds and some muscle. I barely gained any weight and looked like a skeleton wrapped in skin. I played on the football team but was so skinny that I only made 3rd string wide receiver. After practice the coaches would also take showers and then walk out and check out the guys as they were taking showers. (Sounds very strange thinking about it now. I wonder if they were gay). I remember that the head coach was hung like a horse and the assistant coach’s pecker was so small that his pubic hair fairly well hid it. I can still remember the head coach saying “Don’t worry, it’ll grow eventually”. Thanks coach, very encouraging words (sarcasm). I guess the mental image I received from my football playing experience is that the guy with the big dick gets to be the head coach; the small dick guy gets to be the assistant. In other words, the big dick has the power. Confidence starting to fade.
At the start of tenth grade I finally started getting pubic hair. Yay!! I guess my dick will start growing soon! I can hardly wait! I guessed wrong. My pubic hair pretty much completely hid my flaccid dick. Midway through the school year I went to a party and was hitting off pretty good with this chick. After making out for about 30 minutes she suggested we go to the bedroom. I thought “this is cool, but what will she say about my little dick?” I managed to lose my virginity with the lights off and thought I was in the clear…until she turned on the lights to get dressed. She looked at my dick and a little giggle came out of her. She covered up her mouth and unsuccessfully tried to hold it back. Ouch, that hurt. Thanks chick (sarcasm). Another hit to my confidence, but I got laid. At least she was still sweet to me and didn’t try to hurt my feelings afterwards. I haven’t seen her since.
In the eleventh grade I had a steady girlfriend and we were very sexually active. That broad loved to talk on the phone. I think that’s the reason I hate to talk on the phone now. She used to talk so much that I’d hold the phone away from my ear and just occasionally say, “ok”,” yep”, ”whatever”, stuff like that just to make her think I was actually listening. Anyways, one night, during one of her marathon calls, she made a comment about the size of my dick (or rather, the lack of size). I can’t remember exactly what she said but I can remember feeling the hurt down in the pit of my stomach. Confidence takes another one. A few days later we were together and talking with one of her female friends. My GF had the odd habit of naming our private parts. During the conversation she said something about her previous boyfriends dick (can’t remember what she named it so I’ll just use Jim) and then mentioned the name she called my dick (I’ll use Bob). Her friend said “Who is Jim?” My GF said “That’s what I called my old boyfriend’s dick”. Her friend then said “Who is Bob?” My GF pointed to me and said “That’s his dick, Jim’s little brother”. They both had a good laugh over that. Bitches! Confidence? What’s that? They both had small tits and I didn’t say anything about that, but I probably should have. Needless to say, I broke up with her shortly after that experience.
The size of my dick was really starting to bother me by this time. I could no longer even urinate in public restrooms if there was someone in the urinal next to me. I was always afraid that they would peek at my pecker and make a joke about it. This got really problematic when I started going out to clubs. I’d have to go outside and piss behind the bar. Nearly wet my pants several times.
Several years and several girlfriends later, I actually fell in love with one of them. We were very sexually active and eventually got engaged. One night while we were making love she said she couldn’t feel anything (just to clarify, we had been going at it for quite a while by then and had both had at least one orgasm). I jokingly asked “What would you do if I had a ten inch dick?” I kind of expected her to say that size didn’t matter to her. Nope, turns out it did. She said “I’d probably have a lot of fun.” So much for that erection, totally limp after hearing that. We did not get married, but at least it wasn’t because I had a small dick. Still, another chink in what was left of my confidence armor.
At this point I started looking for any way to get a bigger dick. The only thing I can remember that was out back then was the “John Holms Super Peter Pump” (I think the year was 1981). Gees, that thing could have held 10 of my dicks. I couldn’t bring myself to order one for fear of someone finding out. I had cut out several advertisements from the back of various nudie magazines, for different things on the market, but never actually ordered anything. I was working construction during this time and had kept these cutouts in an envelope in the glove box of my work truck. Unfortunately for me that envelope had my name on it. When I quit working for that company I inadvertently left that envelope in the glove box. Several months later I went out partying with some of my friends who still worked there and they brought along one of the new guys who had recently started working there. When they introduced us he said, “Oh, you’re that guy who has a small dick and wants a bigger one.” Thanks bud (sarcasm), now all my buddies know I have a small dick, and looking for a way to make it bigger. Turns out that he was driving my old work truck and had found the envelope…with the advertisements in it…with my name on it. We actually ended up becoming very good friends but that was quite an embarrassing moment for me and another knock on my confidence.
A few years later I met the girl who would eventually become my wife. We had a lot of fun and did a lot of sexual experimentation while we were dating. One night we went to see a porno flick (VCR’s hadn’t become affordable yet so we went to a sleazy X-Rated movie house). I don’t know why, but for some reason she felt compelled to point out to me that her ex-husband was the size of one of the porn stars in the movie. Great, I must look and feel like and infant compared to that giant cock. But it wasn’t really a big deal to me; hurt the confidence a little but not my feelings. I was falling in love with her and she told me on multiple occasions that no one had ever made her have orgasms as strong as the ones I gave her. In fact, one time she came so hard that she actually passed out. Scared the shit out of me, I thought I had killed her. She has passed out from her strong multiple orgasms many times since then so I must be doing something right. We’ve been together for 28 years, married for 26, and have 4 kids now. She has never complained about the size of my cock or my performance in bed, so why does it completely consume me. I guess it’s just one of those things you carry around once it sets in.
In the late 1990’s I stumbled across a penis enlargement website and paid $50 to join it and get all the exercises and videos. Since we had four kids and were living in a small house, I didn’t have enough privacy to get committed to it. After only a few months I gave it up completely. For many years after that I continuously searched the web for a quick fix to my small cock. I quite often considered having penis enlargement surgery done but I was so afraid to ask a doctor about it that I never did. I can’t tell you how many times I almost ordered penis enlargement pills. If only it were that easy!
As I got older I learned how to joke about my penis size and that helped me cope with it a great deal. All my friends, and their wives, know I have a small dick because I’m so willing to tease myself in their company. I’m pretty witty and have a great sense of humor so I usually get a good laugh, much to my wife’s dismay. I’d love to be able to whip out a big dick and show them that it was all just in jest.
When I got into my early fifties something happened that I never thought would happen. I lost my interest in sex. WTF?? It got so bad that my wife thought I had been cheating on her. I had always had a voracious sexual appetite until now and this was completely out of the norm for me. I did not have a problem getting and maintaining erections, just didn’t have the drive to use it. As I was watching TV one day I saw a commercial about low testosterone. I did an online questionnaire and according to the results, I definitely had the symptoms. In fact, I think I was growing a man-gina. I even started crying during stupid movies. I was turning into a giant wuss. I had a physical done and asked the doctor to specifically test for Low-T. My guess was right, however I couldn’t afford the prescription but was able to opt for bi-weekly shots of testosterone.
While doing some research about how to overcome my lack of sexual drive, I came across a couple of websites for penis enhancement; PE Gym and Thunders Place. I started doing a few exercises, mostly stretching and jelqing, and much to my surprise, I regained my sexual appetite. After two months of doing a minor routine I decided to get serious and commit to it. As I began reading many of the forums it looked like I might actually be able to increase the size of my dick. Three months after I got serious to PE, I had gained 1 inch BPEL and 3/8 inch EG! Holy Cow! This stuff works. I’ve been doing PE seriously for 8 months now and have gained 1.375 inches BPEL thus far, still just the 3/8 inch EG. For the record I was only 4 7/8” BPEL and 5” EG when I started. I’m now 6 ¼” BPEL by 5 3/8” EG. Just like most of the other guys on this forum I hope to get to at least the magic 8 X 6 size but it wouldn’t bother me at all if I got bigger. Just getting to where I am now has been an enormous confidence booster. Even more is that my flaccid size has drastically changed. I don’t usually put too much stock in flaccid size (since you don’t fuck with it) but going from a short 1” stub to a 4” hang is awesome. If/when I get to my growth goal, I expect my flaccid size to be much larger than it is now. I almost hope that someone does some pecker-peaking when I’m standing at a urinal so they would wish they had a big dick like me. LOL.
A funny story, a few years ago I was about 70 pounds overweight and my stomach had gotten quite big. One of my friends bought me a shirt that said “I have a dickey-do. My tummy sticks out further than my dickey do.” After a lot of exercising and dieting, my tummy no longer sticks out at all. I’ve lost 65 pounds and am in great shape. I still wear that shirt to parties but when my friends say something about it I say “I don’t have a dickey-do anymore, want to know why?” They always say “because you lost weight”, then I say “Nope, because I’ve been stretching my dick”. Always gets a laugh but little do they know, I’m telling the truth.
My wife has no idea that I’m doing PE but I think that maybe she suspects something. I’m a bit surprised she hasn’t said anything about my size change yet but it’s really not like her to do it anyways. I keep hoping she’ll say something so I can tell her what I’ve been doing. I try to make sure she sees me naked and draw attention to my cock. She always blushes but no comments about my new size yet. I hate hiding anything from her but I don’t think she’d understand unless she knew the whole story. If she doesn’t say something soon, I’ll probably try to work up the courage to have her read this. I know she’ll say that I don’t need to do it for her; she likes me just the way I am (which I know). I’m doing this to restore my confidence. I’m doing this to eliminate some embarrassing situations. I’m doing this for me.
I want to give a special thanks to all the guys on this forum. Your stories of success, encouragement, and willingness to share your PE routines, are priceless to me. Now, in my mid-fifties, I have new found confidence and I’m overcoming all the emotional scars from my youth. I so wish that I had known about PE when I was a very young man. To all you young guys out there wishing you had a bigger dick, do the exercises and be committed. To all you guys who are my age, it’s never too late so get started and keep it up.
Wish I knew this when I was a young man! I can no longer accept the things I cannot change. It’s time to change the things I cannot accept!
Starting Stats: BPEL: 4.875" EG: 5.0" FL: 3" FG: 4.25 | 02/01/2013: BPEL: 5.875" EG: 5.375" FL: 3.5" FG: 4.25" | 05/11/2013: BPEL: 6.25" EG: 5.438" FL: 4.5" FG: 4.5" | 07/28/2013: BPEL: 6.25" EG: 5.5" FL: 5.0" FG: 4.625" | 09/17/2013: BPEL: 6.375" EG: 5.5" FL: 5.0" FG: 4.750"