My change of heart

I don’t know how to begin a post to be quite honest. I’ve never written a post nor have I ever joined a forum. So I guess I’m kinda losing my postginity here. My name is City I’m a biology/ medical research student living in the south. I came to this website because I had a change of heart. I recently have gone through a period of time this last year which has for the most part pushed me to do this. I guess its a fair warning this post will be long so if those of you who aren’t interested in hearing it you can just skip this post and move on or you can just recommend a good starting routine for stretching and jelqing.

Now I’ll say why I’m here and I’ll try my best to summarize so as not to drag this out. My reasons for trying PE started back when I was 11 I was just a kid but I was already developing a taste for porn and puberty was in full swing. I realized early on that I had developed envy of porn stars for their sizes and the fact that they get to have sex with so many attractive women. It was only the beginning but it would lead to problems further down the road. Fast forward a few years later I’ve gotten through muddle school and I’m in my sophomore year of high school and things are starting to seriously get shitty. I went through a 6 year spell of acne and anorexia that left my naturally tan skin and body frail weak and horribly unattractive to girls. It didn’t help that my only friends were all a bunch of assholes who pushed me into trying to date girls who would never give me a chance. My life wasn’t going so well socially or at home where I felt detached from my family I contemplated suicide alot back then. When I came out to my mom about my desire to rid myself of my acne and try to start gaining weight. I had to go get a psychological evaluation be see if I was healthy enough for treatment by using acne drugs. And I know it may seem like a really bitch thing to be depressed over but for most of my childhood I was mocked and bullied over it so I figured if I could change it then I’m going to. After I was approved for the drugs I started on a regiment of weight lifting to gain weight I weighed about 105 pounds at 5’8 so I was a scrawny basterd. At the same time my mom found herself a boyfriend who my entire family fell in love with he was perfect for her in every way. So after two years of taking the drugs lifting weights and getting turned down by every girl I approached I was at a point in my life where I felt like things were getting better. All the while I kept the thoughts of depression and suicide at bay. But everyday was a constant battle for the most part it was all I could think about. I even went as far as buying a box of .38 for my step dads revolver in case I ever got the urge to just end it.
Then my senior year arrived with a shitstorm to follow I ended up using all my money to help my mom with getting her car fixed and to pay rent and to feed us when my step dad decided he didn’t wanna be a dad anymore (he came back a month later jobless and in debt). I was starting to experience a sense of dread in every day I went to school because of prom. At my school prom was basically the biggest thing of the year never mind football soccer or basketball or anything else when it came to dances everyone turned out. I had recently met some really good friends who helped me out by hooking me up with a girl who’s now my fiancee. After prom was over and school was out we both stuck together along with a few friends I’m trying to hold on to. At this point I’ve fixed my acne, started taking care of myself, and I was 5’11 weighing180 pounds my anorexia was gone now and so was my depression. Until it came time to lose my virginity. In the beginning I mentioned how my 11 year old self basically fucked me over well here’s how he/ I did it. By watching porn and wacking off almost everyday for 7 years I had begun to experience porn ED at the age of 18. So its plausible that having ED can really ruin you’re first sexual experience. Fortunately god decided to give mercy by giving me a raging hard on for my girlfriend and we went at it for.. Five hours.

My porn ED gave me super powers for a time I could last forever without breaking a sweat. Because I was so used to porn I could go forever without cunning but when it came time to masturbate id go limp. I decided I should look into how to fix this and I came across jelqing. It seemed legit so I gave it a try and voila my erections came back and my staying power was in tact. But I wanted size on top of this. I was only 5.5x5 when I started so I was no where near large not even average. I jelqed for a few months and got up to 6.5x5.5. Life was good I had a gorgeous girl, my family was doing better I found a badass job and my worries had ceased along with my depression.

Then in the span of a week that ended. My girlfriend came out to me confessing that she wasn’t a virgin when we met and that she’d lied to me because she didn’t wanna lose me, I got in a car accident a week after I got off my moms insurance I lost my job because the fucker who was driving was my boss and when I came after him to pay my medical bills he fired me and my step dad was found out to have been cheating on my mom for almost 2 years and all the while my health was slipping from my injuries in the crash and to make matters worse my porn ED was back and now I couldn’t even maintain an erection in sex now
That was all a month ago. Now I’ve decided that I’m going to make a change my family has moved I have two jobs now my girlfriend is now my fiancee and my body is healing I need to get back to normal and that includes jelqing so here I now I had almost given up but I had a change of heart I’m ready to begin again

So with that said I’m really looking forward to this and if anyone has any advice it’d be welcome

Welcome to Thunder’s, City!

I read the entire post and I’m glad I did. It’s good to read that you found the desire to want to make things better once again.

Keep up the positive attitude my friend, you could do anything you set your mind to. Stick to it.

Best regards,

SSG

Glad you’re here. Focus on you my friend, everyday. You need to take care of yourself, of course your penis is small part of that but also your physical and mental and spiritual health. Good luck on your journey, you can turn things around completely if you are willing to put forth the effort and, yes, perhaps make some sacrifices like maybe work hours, addictions, etc.

Thanks I actually looked back at it and I didn’t realize how much was there I probably could summarized a bit harder haha

Thank you for the support guys and GettinGrown you’re right I for a while I mainly did all of those self betterment things because I wanted to impress people but I learned that its alot more satisfying doing this for myself

As Joe Dirt said, “Keep on keepin’ on”

Wow great story. It sucks that life is a bitch sometimes. But a positive attitude can really change all that.

SoundSoul_Grower, The great wave off Kanagawa is a nice print. I didn’t expect to see it here.

Forgive those who have harmed you; your healing originates from within…by releasing your attachment to those harms.

xeno

Welcome to the group City. I’m confident that you’ll find that this crazy bunch of dick-pullers will be supportive and helpful for you in whatever you endeavor to do. We’ve helped each other through, pain, and illness and accident and infidelity and a whole bunch of other ills. I hope we can help you too.

Welcome to the club.

I just wanted to thank everyone for the support. I haven’t posted back to this thread for a bit because of some issues involving school and my car. Lol I just read a few of the replies bluedragon you’re right a positive attitude is all I need to get through my troubles. My car broke down, my fiances grants for school were cut, and I’ve let my hair grow out to the point where a random guy gave me his business card to his barbershop, my injuries from the crash came back while I was at the gym. But all I need is a smile, that is what I did today smile through it all. I aced my first biology test, and I managed to pay off my girls’ tuition, get my car towed, and get a job interview all before lunch. I’m gonna keep my head up now because I swear it feels like I’m being tested or maybe I’m just paranoid.

Oh I almost forgot on a further note I found a routine for beginners that ill post in a separate thread that I plan on doing. It will include basic stretches and jelqing nothing major or advanced just something that won’t overwhelm me or cause any mess ups due to my not having much experience. I have a few ambitious goals that I want to fulfill in the time span of the next few years. Id like to increase my length to at least 7.5 or 8 inches no bigger since it seems like my girlfriend can barely handle whatever I have now without pain. For girth id like to see myself hitting at least 6-6.5 inches before I feel its enough. Aside from erect size my other goals are to develop my flaccid size for a better look and my EQ. My EQ purely to combat the porn ED I’ve been struggling with. Ill most likely post daily aside from busy days with my jobs and school or weekends when school work is in full swing and if a weekday is missed ill try to post what happened the next day and so on and so forth

Ok guys wish me luck my journey begins from here.