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Lack of "performance"


Lack of "performance"

Well, even having to make this post makes me sad :(
I suppose I should give a little background
I’m only 18, and whenever I’m “relieving” myself alone, I have no problems. With no other girls I’ve ever had any trouble, but maybe two times out of 10 now with the girl I’m currently making babies, minus the babies (go protection) I’ve had slight problems maintaining my erection. Now, I don’t have this problem with blow jobs, so I’m really confused. I’m far too young to have ED or anything like that (right??) so I’m not sure. I’m not amazingly infatuated with this girl, so could it be a lack of interest?

Also, I’m at an age still where length of performance worries me. I last maybe 10 minutes or so on average. Not exactly the stallion length of time I’m hoping for, so I think sometimes that weighs on my mind and takes a bit of a toll on my mind.

I realize this is rather off topic, but this is the only forum where I can have an all male audience of various ages and experiences… so hopefully somebody can help ease my mind a bit. Any questions/comments just say so…

Having trouble getting it up could indeed be lack of interest, performance pressure, stress, some hidden glitch with your relationship with her, or any number of things. The most trouble I’ve ever had (years worth) turned out to be rooted in guilt over the breakup with my ex wife. I also had a lot of trouble with a sweet, beautiful and willing woman who I later found out was secretly very much in love with someone else. I guess I picked up on, but misinterpreted, the “not really available” vibe, so I kept dishing out soft-serve. :)

I’ll leave it to someone else to offer ideas on your endurance issues. If you haven’t done so already, try the search function to find old threads using key words for what you’re after. Good luck.


You are most likely not suffering from a medical case of ED. Your problem is most likely psychological in nature. If you have no problems with your erection during masturbation or oral sex, then it is not a physical problem.

As far as your stamina goes, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. 10 minutes is more than enough time to get the job done. Don’t pay too much attention to guys claiming to knock it out for 45-50 minutes at a whack. The average girl can’t even take that much pounding in one sitting. Also, most studies that I have seen usually peg the average duration of coitus to be around 5-6 minutes.

Good Luck

Oh, how I hope and pray that I will, but today I am still just a bill.

Thanks guys. I’m thinking it might just be an emotional thing. Its a rather complicated situation, but it would explain a lot. I’m gonna attempt to have a go at another lady, and hope for better results.

Thanks again gents.

Hey bub, don’t feel bad. Literally. Back in the day (34 now) I had the same crap happening to me! I would agree with most guys hanging out here that it really is in your brain. Exercise some self-worth and don’t expect that every single session you’re going to be harder than a statue - I just don’t think it’s possible. Instead, try this approach - live for the moment, go for some fun and use spontaneous moments for hot love. Sex should be enjoyable, not stressful! Leave stress for work! Somethings you can try - take a quick breather from all that hard pumping, look down at your gal, surprise her with some hot oral before going to town again! Change positions, breathe, relax… you’re not running a marathon, you’re doing what’s natural! Get it out of your head that a squishy member is going to make the best of you. It simply isn’t true. Think about how good it feels, really really concentrate on that - try to visualize your dick sliding in and out of her - do it in front of a mirror! I did this with a gal, and both of us were so turned on, I think that was a lucky 1/2 hour session.. very very hot! It’s in your mind - kill the brain, and the body dies.

Don’t give up hope man. I know I haven’t.

Good luck!


p.s. Where *are* some good stamina tips? I would seriously like to get my heart back into shape. After like 2-5 minutes, I’m useless! And I mean, real bad! I’m really out of breath, my heart pounding! Ack! I can’t stop getting older I know, but, age means nothing to me - I don’t want to fight it, but I would like to slow it down a bit.

Good advice here… I had a similar situation to what Kandu experienced. After a seven year relationship ended, I had a seriously hard time maintaining erections with my (now) wife. This lasted for about 3 months and I’m sure it had to do with my ex. After the three months, it was business as usual. I guess I wasn’t completely over that relationship. I suffered from guilt over it too and it really messed with my head(s) ;-D Nerves can cause this too. Be patient and try some of the visualizations suggested. You’ll be fine. It won’t last.


But you like her or not?


See, I’m not too sure.

At the moment its sort of a “just for fun” type relationship, but I know she wants it to be more. It’s possible that that’s what’s weighing on my mind. I’ll figure it out I guess.

Thanks guys!

I have that problem sometimes when I use condoms.

I’ve had the same problem with condoms, whenever I put one on it shrank a bit and wasn’t a happy little man. Plus don’t drink too much, I don’t know if that’s a relevant issue, but I know when I was 18 I drank a lot.

If you want to increase the time you can go at it you need to start learning to control your ejaculations. To start off with, whenever you are about to burst you need to stop (quickly!), squeeze your cock at the base and kegel as hard as you can, holding this till the need to cum subsides. Not the sexiest thing, but if you explain to your girl that you just want to make sex last longer then she shouldn’t mind. In fact, I’ve known girls who think it’s really sexy that they make me want to blow my load.

After a while you should be able to build up a degree of control that will let you decide when you want to cum, then you can release it at the right moment (ie when she is cuming) for a mind blowing orgasm for both of you. Plus, the longer you build it up the better the orgasm will be for you!

Hope this helps, it certainly works for me and my girlfriend.


Ya, I have to use condoms at the moment. She’s not on the pill, and frankly, I wouldn’t trust it even if she was. I don’t want no children…

Thancks LordBase, sounds like a pretty solid exercise. I’ll give it a try next time.

Originally Posted by Footballer
Ya, I have to use condoms at the moment. She’s not on the pill, and frankly, I wouldn’t trust it even if she was. I don’t want no children…
Thancks LordBase, sounds like a pretty solid exercise. I’ll give it a try next time.

Condoms are less reliable than the pill. You still have an approx 1/10 chance of getting her preggers with condoms.


That sounds much higher than any other figure I’ve heard about condoms. The last figure I saw said condoms with spermicidal lube were 99% effective.

Originally Posted by Footballer
That sounds much higher than any other figure I’ve heard about condoms. The last figure I saw said condoms with spermicidal lube were 99% effective.

Yeah I thought that it would be higher than 90%. I’ve looked and Durex say there’s are 95-98%, but then they’d want to inflate their figures to boost sales. I’ve looked on other sites and surveys and seen that they all say between 90-95%. I’m shocked.

I was hoping to prove whoareyou wrong, but apparently those figures are about right. I can only thank my girlfriend (and past gfs) for using the pill. Otherwise I’d have about 50 kids by now.

But to complicate things, as far as I was aware it isn’t guaranteed that a girl will get pregnant from unprotected sex, I’ve just looked and the chances of getting pregnant through unprotected sex is around 25%. This means that (if the chances of getting pregnant through condom protected sex is 10%) around 40% of the time condoms don’t work!

Yes you read it here. Through the power of maths we have shown that condoms only work 40% of the time! I say start using 2 at a time. If the failure rate of 1 condom is 40% then the failure rate of 2 should be 16%, so a 4% chance of pregnancy. Damn. That’s still a child every 25 shags.

Better make it 3 condoms, that way you get sex 62 times per child. Much better.


I think when it says condoms are, say, 90% effective that means that they prevent sperm from escaping 90% of the time. So if the chance of getting a girl pregnant unprotected is 25%, then that 25% would be on top of the 90%, so really it would work out to 2.5%, which still sounds high to me.

Also, I’m not sure if you’re kidding or not, but never use more than one condom at a time. The extra condoms end up rubbing against eachother and end up being more likely to tear eachother. Also, you wouldn’t be able to feel anything at all by the end of it :(

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