Just how hard do you have to be when doing PE

Since I am older and pretty small (3 1/2 in. Soft and 4 or 4.5 hard), I am confused on how hard I should be when I jelq. I have some ED problems and I get harder-but not 80% hard when I start. I got discouraged and stopped and now am starting up again. I take it easy and do the stretches after the warm up. By then, I am somewhat bigger and jelqing does add some length-but not a great amount-then it goes back to what it was. I do a lot of kegels all through the day when I remember as that is easy to do. I do dry jelqing, but would it help if I used lube?? I am open to suggestions. Thanks

I find wet jelqing a lot easier.
You don’t need to be nowhere near 80% especially if you are a newbie. I’d say about 60% but I think a little variation throughout the session is good.

Also check this thread, it helped me a lot.

Relating erection percentages to functional standards

Read this, all of it. START HERE ——-> NEWBIE ROUTINE <——- Important Newbie Threads/Info

Do this: Newbie Penis Enlargement Routine
Some guys have been using an even gentler version of the n00b routine to start with and getting good results. Erection level for jelqing should be 50% to 80%. I would most certainly give using a lube a shot.

Pictures and even moving pictures to help explain the exercises.
A Quickstart Guide to Manual Exercises
Penis Enlargement Videos

Tweeks on hand placement and gripping that other guys your starting size have found helpful.
Small penis thread link list

NEW newbie + advanced routine