***I wrote this long message for Thunder, and he told me to forward it to the Newbie forum in the hopes of getting additional advice from others. I apologize for the length, but I hope to get responses. Here it is:
I understand that you’re quite busy as moderator and all, but I wanted to reach out to you before I dove into PE (similar to a ceremonial first pitch). I’d like to thank you for opening up some more spots for more members, like myself. Also, I apologize for the lengthy introduction, but I do hope you have the time to read and respond; I would appreciate the help of a friend, even if it is “a stranger.”
At any rate, I encountered this site during a very tumultuous time in my life (about eight months ago). By tumultuous, I mean the first time I realized that I had a small penis. I’m 30 years old, an attorney, and have a lean build (so not much fat pad). I am NBP 6 on the dot, and 5.25 MEG. The small penis epiphany occurred to me in the midst of a toxic relationship with a woman who lied to me incessantly. One lie that I was never able to bury was her saying that I was the biggest that she has ever had (and she had about 25 partners). I then remembered how she treated her previous boyfriend much differently than me (more respect, almost praising him, even though he was very unattractive aesthetically), and I discovered through mutual friends that he had a very large penis. My ex denied that it was much bigger than mine, and that it didn’t feel any different anyway. It was the beginning of the end for me.
I began to research averages online, looking at sites like ratearod to compare myself, asking friends about their sizes if they were male and what they would prefer in size if they were female. This took an obsessive turn for the worst, as I began to measure everything and anything, looking at men’s bulges to see whether I’m normal, and searching for pictures online to see how abnormal I really am. I fell apart when I realized that I would never satisfy a woman sexually the same way a man with a large penis is able to do. I began recalling past instances with women who never disclosed to me that I was small, but only a few ever said I was big (and I now realize that they were lying in order to stroke my ego). I realized that I’m BARELY “average,” and I simply feel inadequate. I lost my job, 30 lbs of muscle in two years, and every ounce of confidence. I have not been with a woman since my ex, although numerous opportunities presented themselves. I could not get an erection for fear that I would be judged negatively. I have been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder because of this issue, and medication is actually counter-intuitive for me (it makes me suicidal). I want it to stop, since I realize that I am more valuable than the way that I am now.
I recall you indicating that PE will not resolve my psychological issues with this (and I agree with you), but I have been going to therapy for quite some time about this, and it is a fruitless endeavor. It will not resolve the real and true underlying issue, in that it will not make me larger. It only uncovers why I feel the way I do. How informative. I would like to ameliorate my life, but I am unfortunately unable to progress with the understanding that I cannot do anything about my size.
I wish/hope that PE works to some degree. I would be completely satisfied if I could attain NBP 7-7.25 and MEG 5.5-5.75. That is a 1+ inch in length, and ~1/2 inch in girth. I DO NOT want to hang weights or use extenders. Most importantly, I do not want PE to adversely affect my EQ down the road, or permanently damage my penis.
I also do not know whether I would be able to achieve these gains if I PE one hour each day of scheduled exercise, instead of two or more hours (and this is obviously after a beginner’s routine). I have my doubts because my LOT is awful (6:00). Any insight into what I should do would be greatly appreciated. Support, or a reality check, or a swift kick in the ass would suffice. It’s just that I want to get better, and I want “IT” to get better as well, but I’m afraid that I will negatively deform my penis and create erection problems down the road, and that every minute I would spend on PE was a terrible waste. I also do not want to accept it for what it is because it is not enough to satisfy a woman, and keep her from straying to another man in order to be sexually satisfied, particularly in size.
Again, I appreciate your time in reading this, and I hope you would be able to respond to my message. Enjoy your weekend, and I hope to hear from you soon. BE well,