Have I killed my penis - long intro
Hello to all forum users and thanks in advance for any help. Forgive any English grammar or spelling mistakes, that’s not my native language.
I’m now 26, healthy, little overweight and exercise regularly, no smoking and no drinking. I most likely have a mild form of anemia called talassemia minor. I discovered PE by accident somewhere in 2007 but only started halfway during 2008. Eventually I posted on thunders-place my beginning thread. I started a program that was supposed to be light and gently and slowly let it advance to more complex exercises.
However, probably already addicted to porn or becoming addicted during the course of my PE career, I clearly overdid my workouts. Sometimes hours at a time and even more than once a day. My unit, although not short, is somewhat thin, and I was looking to increase girth: I did many jelqs, sometimes even compressing the glans while doing them, attempting to engorge my unit as much as possible. I usually did my PE at 100% erection.
“Fortunately” I wasn’t consistent with this. I’m an university student and this kind of abuse was only possible during some periods of time, before the workload eventually grew so much that I had to reduce my PE time a lot. I have to admit that the addiction to porn and PEing stole the hours of my day that I should have used to study, exercise and be happy.
About March 2009 I stopped doing PE, but I didn’t stop masturbating or watching porn regularly. Looking back, I understand that I got used to jelqing and ballooning as my regular masturbation routine: get an erection quickly and keep the penis in that pre-ejaculation limbo for a couple hours or more was the usual. However, erections were fine, strong, quick and held with ease.
The problems began during January 2010. That’s exams time where I study. A lot of time spent indoors and immense pressure and tension because of exams led to another extraordinary amount of time masturbating. I understand now, looking back, that I should have looked for help then because I was unable to study, for hours discharging my stress on my unit and feeling the hormonal high of pleasure.
Around that month something happened once or twice that I hadn’t seen happen that way: I literally exhausted my unit. After so much constant masturbation one day I noticed that the erection was going down and that the penis itself was desensitized.
The exams stress, the nights spent studying (pulling all-nighters is something I never did, it just takes a huge toll on my body) also led to badly slept nights once the exams ended. I felt grumpy and low on energy and unable to sleep well.
To compound this, my unit was sluggish: erections weren’t as strong, morning wood wasn’t happening, confidence was killing my sex life with the GF.
So in mid-March 2010 I went to a urologist. He heard my case (didn’t mention PE, since I wasn’t doing a proper routine, but I did mention I had masturbated very much), checked prostate and attributed the cause to stress and “low levels” (energy and nutrition wise, as I understood). So he gave me a prescription for an anxiety medication, vitamin E (or was it D.) and some nutrients in small glass vials to use for a month. All in all it seemed that he was targeting the whole body and the head (allowing me better rest).
The results were not overnight but they were satisfactory: my erection returned as did my morning wood, but I felt that the erections were not as strong, specially the glans, which was not inflating as usual (sometimes not at all). However it was allowing me good sex with the GF and even to masturbate regularly.
2 months later though I fell in a slump again and I visited my regular doctor (non-urologist) about some breathing problems. Since I was there I told him that erections weren’t as strong and telling him what the urologist had given me. I told him that I was always felling badly-rested and that sleeping was somewhat complicated. He prescribed a medication that targets the vascular/blood vessels system and that was to be taken during a month, and some tablets to improve and regulate my sleep. Once again, progressively, my erections recovered though not to the feeling I used to have of 105% erect.
Finally in July with exams again I hit another wall: my erections weren’t exactly strong by then (80% probably) but I felt the need to masturbate and this once again killed my unit. Since I was going on holidays with the GF in August I visited my urologist and explained what my regular doctor had given me and that my erections were difficult to achieve and maintain. He checked the prostate again and told me to buy ciallis. Told me to keep it quiet with the GF and use it day on-day off (5 mg) during 2 weeks. After that I should use it when I needed it.
Well ciallis did indeed work during the holidays, with morning wood everyday and very strong erections. On the other hand I was sleeping with the GF everyday, which could be responsible for some of that.
Since August is an holidays month with little to do I again masturbated a lot, feeling my penis again as engorged as I was used to. However during the month I felt that the unit sometimes became exhausted and took one ciallis once in a while, specially for special nights with the lady. What I began noticing is that ciallis was loosing strength.
So come the beginning of September. Stress again with enrolling in my final year in the University, having to enroll and choosing a project for my masters and what not, having to make special requests to the Dean and so on, I was stressed and my unit took the toll.
Because I don’t want to depend on chemicals I introduced cayenne (teaspoon) and ginger (a slice) to my diet 2 days ago. I also have some ciallis left that I am going to finish (1 week, 1 day on-1 day off).
So where I stand now:
1 - I understand I have a porn addiction, as it is very difficult to go 2 or 3 days without checking it out. How do I get out of it?
2 - Do I have a venous leak, would that justify my deflated glans?
3 - Could I have desensitized my penis with all the months of masturbating to much, to hard, with to much blood on the unit and focusing mostly on rubbing the glans?
Thank you so much for any help, sorry about the long text.