Greetings and a Positive Story - long
Hi, everyone. I’m glad to have found this community. I was beginning to get depressed and worried.
The following is a lengthy ramble about my situation. Feel free to skip to the end, where the salient information is. For those who are interested, read on.
Let me share a bit of info about me, so that you can understand where I’m coming from.
I’m 27 years old, hetero, Australian and of Caucasian descent. I’m a big guy, always have been. I’m carrying about 15 kilos of excess fat at the moment (working on getting rid of it now, though), but I’m genuinely heavy-set underneath it. Lots of muscle, heavy bone structure. You know my body type - even when guys like me are at our most fit, we’re not sleek Hollywood bodies.
I’ve never really been a very social person. I get along well with people - I just don’t feel much call to be around them. I was always pretty smart, and that can carry some baggage along with it, too. Sexually, I messed around a bit when I was just out of high school, but never went all the way. I had some offers, actually, but I always pulled back. I never got to the stage of having a ‘relationship’ that was anything other than platonic.
There was a reason for this. I was ashamed.
When I was a kid, I remember seeing my grandfather naked a few times. He was pretty old, and he used to shuffle around the house with his pyjamas over his arm after having a shower. I guess he thought he had nothing to hide by that point. You know you hear stories about kids being traumatised by seeing their relatives’ sizable equipment and comparing it to their own? Well, there wasn’t much to see in this case. I mean, not much at all, maybe 1.5”. And he was a thin guy. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, being about 8 years old.
Then when I hit puberty, things grew a bit. I mean, a bit. And my mother started saying things like “Well, you’ll meet a nice girl who’ll accept you for what you are and won’t mind.” And she told me that my father was “fairly modestly endowed.” When I worked out what she meant, I felt uneasy. I mean, she was talking as though I had a problem of some sort.
Great. Bonsai Dick genes from both sides of the family.
She was pretty open-minded, my mother. She used to talk about all kinds of stuff. Her past, her former lovers. And I, being a pretty savvy young teenager, would draw out the details I was interested in. One guy in particular, she referred to as “very nice indeed, down there.” I knew what she meant. She meant he was big. So big was good. And small, therefore, was bad.
I knew I was small, from comparisons in the changing rooms. I had a pale little button mushroom of a penis nestled down in a tuft of dark pubic hair when some guys who didn’t even have hair yet we’re swinging their 4” soft cocks at each other and laughing about it.
So yeah, I was ashamed. Add to this, the fact that in any of the media most men are exposed to, any penises that are visible are the big ones, and you end up with a really fucked-up self image. Any references to sex in TV shows and books made sly reference to how ‘manly’ the protagonist was.. Even Robert Heinlein (one of my favorite authors and someone whose ideas as presented in his science fiction shaped a large part of my adolescent thinking) had his female characters refer to his male characters as ‘stallions’ and claim that they we’re glad they’d had children before encountering the obviously gargantuan members depending from said heroes.
Eventually, I met a girl I was really interested in. We we’re friends (through work) for close to a year before I decided that - shock! - She also seemed interested in me. I bit the bullet, and asked her out. She also had a less than star-studded sexual history - we we’re both virgins at 24. She’d handled a couple, but never had one inside. So, when it came down to it, I told her before things got too heated that she shouldn’t expect much. She didn’t care.
It’s now well over 2 years later and we’re still together, stronger than ever. We have a fair bit of sex - we’ve had ups and downs as it’s still a learning process. Shit, I suspect it always will be. We’ve just moved in together about a month ago. And while this is fantastic, because I get to be with my love morning and night (and having sex at least once nearly every day doesn’t hurt the relationship, to be sure), it’s also raised a couple of demons in my mind.
You see, moving in is really where commitment kicks into high gear. I feel like there’s more at stake in our relationship than ever before. And while I’m absolutely faithful to her - I admit it, I’m nuts about her - and I trust her implicitly..
There’s so much information available about how women are cheating more and more these days. I mean, literally hundreds of articles, ranging from Cosmo advice to doctoral theses. Thousands, maybe. Some statistics say that 65% of women will cheat on their long-term partner! And there are columnists saying that it can happen, literally, accidentally. It only takes a couple of minutes. Heat of the moment.. Some relationship advice ‘experts’ actually offer advice to women about how to cheat and explain why it’s justified, or don’t even bother trying to justify infidelity, as long as the second relationship is ‘fulfilling’.
You see, apparently women will stray for any number of reasons, when they feel something is lacking in their relationship. You know what’s often lacking? Sexual satisfaction.
I’ve been reading lots of web pages that mention penis size. They’re all so vaguely comforting that it gets really frustrating after a while. “It’s not the meat, it’s the motion.” “Average size is from 4.5 to 7 inches. If you fall in that range, you’re normal.” Repeat ad nauseum, despite the fact that it seems obvious to most guys that sexually, having a surplus of penis might be a problem, but having a lack of it is definitely one.
Then I found a particular web page. Penissizedebate.com. I’m not going to provide a clickable link as, frankly, I don’t think it will help most people to read it. It’s easy enough to locate if you really must.
This site, while I tend to dispute a lot of the conclusions it’s author draws, and I’m suspicious as to whether it’s just a marketing ploy for enlargement products, has a lot of interesting points to make. And unusually, it backs these points up with supporting data. The question the site asks is ‘Does penis size matter?’ And the answer it provides is ‘Yes, of course.’ Slightly bigger than average is where it’s at, basically, in terms of optimally satisfying a woman. Smaller than average, and.. Well, it’s not good, claims the site, in no uncertain terms. It doesn’t couch it gently, and it was actually quite physically disturbing to read these statements so openly. Hence why I’d caution those with size issues from exploring this page. You already know it, deep down, you don’t need to have it rammed home.
One really, really big point in favour of this web page is that it provides a link to Thunder’s Place. With a slightly cautionary note, but at least it’s there. That’s how I found you guys.
I’d dabbled in PE before, with really unspectacular results. The thing I was lacking, essentially, was motivation. And now I have that in spades. I want to satisfy my lady as best I can. I want to build up my self-esteem until I’m satisfied as well. And at last, I feel I have the opportunity to do that.
BECAUSE.. *Drum roll*
I’ve been doing the Newbie routine for three days now. Exactly as written.
EG: 4.25” (I’m square!)
Three days later:
EG: 5” (Still square!)
I can only say HOLY CRAP THAT’S COOL.
I don’t expect to see consistent gains like this - of course! But WHAT A START, EH?!
I had a few problems keeping it erect the last two days when having sex, but that wasn’t an issue this evening! Oh, and as we we’re going at it I could see my girl looking at me with wide eyes, and afterwards she remarked that she felt more ‘stretched’ than usual, and that I rubbed places inside I don’t usually reach. I did feel a substantial difference in sensation myself, too.. She felt tighter.
THANK YOU GUYS! You’ve already made a BIG difference to our lives!
Edit: the freakin’ spell checker keeps adding an apostrophe to we’re, turning it into we’re. I know it’s wrong but I can’t get rid of it for some reason.
Last edited by Omegaphobic : 02-18-2005 at .