Erection problems, but not really.

Hey guys.

I have no problem getting an erection anytime I need really, I can just pop in a porn or something and it goes right up. Also, when I’m teasing with girls or flirting.. Sometimes it comes on raging hard. The thing is though, if I am ever fooling around with a girl.. When we start to get serious, I get nervous or something and my unit goes flaccid. After this happens I feel ashamed and I have a really hard time getting it back up. This has happened on numerous occasions. I’m pretty sure it’s all mental, because when I became comfortable with my ex-girlfriend it didn’t happen as much. I think it might be because I am nervous and have low confidence due to the size of my unit, even though it’s not all that bad. Does this happen to anyone else? Any ideas to overcome this mental drawback? I started PE this week and my confidence is already going up a little, just feels good to know I’m strengthening my member. I hope the confidence continues to increase as I go along.. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks guys!

My advice would be to not worry about it. The first time I’m with a new woman, I almost never get an erection until she is actually stroking/sucking my dick. On the other hand, once I’ve been with a woman a number of times, I will frequently get uncontrollable wood just walking down the street with her, no sexual context involved. I think this is normal.

Yea, it makes sense. The more comfortable I feel the easier I get wood. But it is so bad sometimes that I can barely get wood when she is stroking it, and takes a good BJ to get anything. Then if I were to start having sex I would lose the erection before I even had time to penetrate. I think it is just some psychological shit I need to get over..

I may have misunderstood you. If the problem is sufficiently strong that it’s interfering with sexual performance, then I can understand why it would concern you. I didn’t mean to downplay the significance of the issue.

But yes, as you’re suggesting, it certainly does sound like it’s still mainly a matter of comfort and anxiety. The more you think about performance, the worse the performance…

I hope some other guys with more experience with these things can chime in. Try using the Search function in the upper-right corner in the meantime. There have definitely been discussions of this issue before.

Dude! This is what psychologists call “performance anxiety”. And it’s very, very common among men and women alike, although the sexual side of it is most prevalent among men in today’s performance-oriented society.

The thing about performance anxiety is that it can be brought on by a myriad of things, such as size anxiety, daily tension, nervousness with a new partner, or even something as slight as ONE small episode of “the droops” in front of a woman, after which you start worrying, thereby compounding the problem.

The more you think about it, the worse it will get; the cycle is self-sufficient and quite vicious.

As to why a good blow-job will work it out (I’m betting that afterwards, you want her to get on QUICK in order not to give Willy a chance to go down again) is because the blow-job is among the most desired fantasy for men. The psychological premise of this combines several factors, ranging from dominance to an impersonal stance through not being able to see the person’s face.

When she’s going down and alleviating your problem temporarily, do you get off more watching her perform, or do you find it best to shut your eyes and concentrate on the sensation? Or a combination? Thinking about this will help you begin to understand more about WHY the blowjob works, and thus to begin to understand more about your own fantasy needs, after which you can determine whether to seek a paradigm-shift, or to tailor things more to whatever gets you off.

I understand, Simonz350; once again, this is an area of bizarre similarity for us, I have exactly the same thing.

I’m starting to wonder that the heck you look like; you wouldn’t be about 70.5 inches tall, brown-haired, average face but decent body, with glasses, would you? Because the eerie way everything else is “twinning”..

If you want to discuss this some more along with our other training partner stuff, I’d be happy to; I could always use another viewpoint on my own thoughts.

Hokshila

Hok, once again your post has been very insightful\helpful. What you described is exactly what I(We) are experiencing. The problem compounds itself very easily.. Once I notice the slightest problem during a sexual encounter, it just gets worse and worse and I pretty much lose the ability to gain an erection because it’s all I can think about. I really hope to overcome this, and hope you can as well. I will hit you with an e-mail soon to discuss in more detail.

Luckily, I am 6’2”, blond, and I wear contacts.. If we had the same physical traits that would just be creepy :p Hope your allergies clear up man!

Para-Goomba, thanks for your responses, much appreciated!

Simonz,

If you find that this is a problem only when you’re getting with a new girl, you could consider popping a Viagra for such purposes. Obviously this is only a “coverup” of the problem, since it is psychological in origin rather than rooted in a dysfunctional penis, but it may still be a decent approach if you find that you aren’t at all dependent on such “help” when you’re with a girl for the second, third, fourth time…

This series of events occurred to me for a few months. Went to a Urologist who told me it was stress - he prescribed some Cialisis for me. I’m 18 years old mind you..I’ve never had an issue with getting it up before. This all started when I began taking P.E. more seriously. I think it was a lack of giving my penis rest because this persisted with 4 partners numerous times. I thought it was an issue with guys as I’ve been fooling around with both sexes. It was regardless of whom they were, the problem went away when I began resting and masturbating less often. Who knows what it was..I thought vegetarianism had partial guilt here. No matter how irritating this was, the conclusion was always: take it easy and everything will fix itself. Just take a week off of P.E. and masturbating. If she’s not giving you raging hard-ons thenafter, schedule a visit with a Uro.