I found Thunder’s Place about 2 months ago, and have been reading everything every chance i get. It was a good thing I found this place before I totally lost it. I don’t know why, but in the last six months or so, I have become increasingly obsessed with my penis size. For many years I had accepted that I’m just below average, and that’s the way it is. I’m currently 5.75 nbpel x 5.5 eg. Actually, my psychosis probably relates back to the first 3 girls that I had sex with, about 14 years ago. One of them was especially brutally honest. She had no problem letting me know that I was about half the size of her last boyfriend… and she talked very fondly of the times she had with him. Obviously for a 16 yr old guy, this had a crushing impact! My next girlfriend was not nearly as brutal, but she had also said that her last boyfriend was much larger than me. Needless to say, these relationships ended quickly…. I couldn’t or wouldn’t have sex with them after that. I had put that away so many years ago, and just moved on and had more girlfriends that did not complain about my size, but it always lingered in my mind that I was not enough for women. I got married eventually, and have been ok.
Well, as I said earlier, in the last six months or so I have begun to dig up all of these terrible memories. i don’t know why. Actually, I think I started thinking about it again when I saw an advertisement for Longitude. I thought, “Wow! Finally I can be a real man!”… but, of course, I’m skeptical… and after doing some research, I found this site. I only wish I had learned this stuff about 15 years ago!!!
Anyway, I have gotten so angry about my size recently, that I have episodes of incredible rage. Like when I’m driving or someone gets on my nerves a little too much… and I know it’s all related to my seemingly powerlessness over my problem. I’ve been jelqing for about 2 months with some manual stretches, but don’t see much, if any, results. I work out at the gym alot, and show good gains there, but I think I do that just to overcompensate for my lack of manhood.
My wife thinks I have gone crazy, and maybe I have. We have not had sex in about 3 or 4 months, because I don’t feel that I’m even adequate anymore. I don’t even masturbate. I used to all the time. Now I can’t stand to look at my penis, much less play with it… and the only time I do touch it…. it’s all business (jelqing, etc.)
Hiding doing my excercises is difficult. I never have time alone to do them. I would do ALOT more, if I could. i would love to try some hanging, but it would be near impossible to find time or be alone to do it. It all just makes me angry. I am just miserable.
I just wondered if anyone is in my position, or has the same feelings i have…. i certainly hope not…