I found there isn’t a way to start an introduction without it sounding kind of cheesy. So.. Hi.
I’ve been lurking around Thunders for almost a year now, occasionally posting, but overall just too embarrassed or afraid to post anything more. But today things are different because I’ve decided to change things about myself (other than my penis). So in a quick overview I’ll be talking about myself and why I’m here and what I hope to accomplish.
First things first, I’m 19 years old born in April 1986. I’ve always been the runt I’m 5 foot 9 and I’m 110 pounds I look about 16 and I’m just going through the phase of puberty where you get facial hair and gain muscle and widen out.
I found thunders by accident I was looking for a user name and password to a pay site and I found thunders. Which was pretty lucky and I’m very happy I found it. The people here are so accepting and really helpful, it’s something I don’t often see from men because of my size and the fact I look quite feminine and childish. So I was lurking just to make sure and now I feel like I can dump everything on you guys (and girls).
I was always alittle worried I was too small because of porn, I mean seriously some of those guys are huge and I was really afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough. Then I found out the average was 6 inches so I found a ruler and measured I found I was about average and then I didn’t worry. It wasn’t until I have my first sexual encounter with someone that I really questioned. I was 17 and scared I was shaking terribly.. Then I got into a relationship with this person and I asked the question that you should never ask “so how am I compared to your ex’s?” I was really good friends with one of the ex’s and didn’t’ know the other. The one I was friends with was always boasting about how big he is and how he’s bigger than most of the town we lived in and turns out to be true, and the other ex was abit bigger than 8 inches.. And barley being average just hurt my pride abit but I got over it because my significant other told me that I was perfect and that size doesn’t matter..
Then, the cheating began. My SO cheated on my for over a year of the relationship, on and off, with these people and when I asked why I was told “Because I had this image of a perfect guy in my head and you don’t have the body or.. Other things to measure up to it” Yes.. I dated a size queen and my self image was broken because I believed it was love so I stayed with my SO
And they stayed with me for some reason.. Even though I was at the point where I wanted to kill myself.
"You’re just not good enough” “you’re not too small you’re just not big enough” “I miss the feeling of something big and heavy in my mouth and hands” “Can I just be with him one more time? You can handle that even if you have to cut yourself or whatever”
At prom we danced and everything felt really good and perfect.. But I was still alittle unsure because SO was acting kinda.. Weird. So doing the only thing I could to find the truth I read their chat logs and found everything I needed to find. And when I saw them I lost it and Freaked out. I was swearing (which is something I don’t do) and SO fell to the floor and started crying. I told them how they ruined everything about me and they were a terrible person that didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as I did etc etc..
SO agreed to change and they did but things still get hard sometimes.. I still feel really small and helpless sometimes and mirrors are a difficulty because I’ve been told how I’m not good enough. But Thanks to pe I’ve gained nearly an inch and I’ve just recently been starting PE again.
And that’s why I’m here: To, hopefully, improve how I see myself and feel good about who I am.
Thanks for reading through all this (if you did)