Here’s my 2cents:
There’s a reason it’s called “pop your cherry”. For me it was kinda like jumping in a pool of cold water, pulling the band aid off, popping the question, walking the stage, giving that first musical performance, you name it. Penetrative sex, for you, has become a giant mountain to get over. For all of those that have had sex it becomes quickly apparent that it was really a mole hill after the fact.
I too suggest you do whatever it takes to get over that hump (pun intended though not intentional). Maybe a quality prostitute or sex surrogate. Get past this virginity thing asap so you can get your real sex life, and all of the learning about it that comes through experiences, up & running. My recommendation is that you allow yourself to experience it outside of a real relationship so that you can spend your first time with someone you care for without all that first time anxiety. Your first real love will likely have had prior experience as well so you’ll feel on a little more leveled playing field having at least some experience under your belt.
Bottom line, as I see it, is that you need to correct your erroneous mindset and quickly. You’ve spent far too many years as a virgin when you clearly want to be a normally sexual man. Porn has been a hindrance to your sexual development. How? By being such an integral part, or rather necessity for any form of sexual gratification you’ve experienced thus far. Real sex is now a spectator sport to you that need not be.
Quit porn & force yourself to find your real sexual self with a real person. It will not be perfect of great at first but as any musician knows those first notes are anything but magical but repeated practice, doing it even badly those first few or even several times is the path to making sweet music.
You’ve got issues and losing your virginity is, believe it or not, one you can easily fix with expert help. Go get it. The more years you go without knowing the warm, wet awesomeness of the inside of a woman the less likely you will ever experience it with someone important to you.
Time to man up sir & get that dick wet, semi hard or not. Then come back & tell us how weird, wonderful, or horrible it was. Then do it again, tweaking what you do after the learning you got the first time and so on. We’re here for you brother so don’t hesitate to share how all this goes for you. Break through that cherry so you can see that sex is important but not THAT big of a deal to achieve. Like eating, sleeping, pissing, shitting, & breathing SEX is something we were built to do. Untrain your mind to get this truth to root.
Your move….