Secjay's PE report 2002 - warning: LONG!

uh luvaduds, its sunshine.:rofl:

I think Luvdadus and Sunny are right on. Helping her to relax is important, because as Luvdadus said a lot of women either don’t feel they deserve to come or are afraid too. As a Massage Therapist it is easy for me to get a woman relaxed, but there are also a couple of books out there on Sensual Massage and Basic Massage. I have glanced through them at Barnes and Noble, and the basic info they provide is pretty good.

I see in your reply to Sunny that you do talk about this stuff. I think what she and I are trying to get across is that you have to talk freely and openly during foreplay and intercourse. It is hard and awkward at first, but it is one of the most critical hurdles you need to get over.

A lot of it will be just ‘dirty talk’ to get wound up, like “you are starting to tremble, that really is sexy- you are so beautiful to me, God, you are sexy, does that feel good? does it feel REALLY good? what else feels really good, God, you are beautiful, come on now…. tell me what you want me to do to you (this can be teasingly), then go back to reinforcing her sexiness, beauty and worth to you while interspersing questions about what she wants- and just keep rambling into her ear ‘sweet nothings’ all the while. You can lead the questioning- like ” I want to go down on you’, you want that too, don’t you- I can tell you want it.” Then work your way down but kiss and lick every part of her body except the clit for a while. Watch for reactions- especially around the abdomen, and if she is enjoying you kissing and caressing a typically non-sexual area stay there a bit and log it away for the next time.

As a guy that has less than an optimal package I have learned that talking and teasing and touching and caressing go a VERY long way in foreplay and intercourse. I can usually have a woman coming several times before I even go inside. I learned early on to adapt my lovemaking to make up for other “shortcomings” :) .
I hope you will try some of this stuff, along with my technique, but don’t use my technique until you use a lot of this other stuff during a lovemaking session. In my experience, it is very easy to overstimulate non-orgasmic women because they have this wall of fear and doubt built up. Be patient, gentle, and vary your techniques during foreplay throughout a session and you will be able to avoid over-stimulation. By now you should be able to read her, just move teasingly to another area when it looks like she is getting close to being overstimulated.

WHEW- sorry for the long post, hope it helps :)

I think that pee-ing feeling is the key. Doesn’t the pee-ing feeling mean that they are close to coming?

The feeling that a woman needs to urinate is generally an indication of finding the g-spot, but does not necessarily mean they are ready to go off. I hope this is right, I am sure if it isn’t someone will correct me :)

When you find the g spot there will be a sensation that she will “need” to pee. If you have someone who is inclined to squirter or gusher orgasm (female ejaculation) she will feel that she “Will” pee at that moment. sometimes this could cause her to fear that she will pee in the bed, your hand,face - what ever so mentally a shut off occurs preventing this from happening. One way to get around this is to explain the sensations are like needing to pee and going to pee and that she should just relax and let it happen, If she has emptied her bladder just before coming to bed there is no pee to pee, its just part of that pleasureable feeling of the orgasm. Not all women ejaculate.

As far as I can tell there are 3 types of orgasms in women (I am not a sexologist this is my own observations).

One clitoral two vaginal.

1)clitoral orgasm (what my wife and I refer to as “little” orgasms.)

these are very pleasurable intense but shorter in duration.

2) vaginal orgasms two varieties

a)gspot

b)deep spot, cul de sac, epicenter -whatever you may call it.

both are longer in duration and more variable in subjective experience in the woman.

both can be associated with ejacultion. However the deep spot seems to be more frequently associated with gushers/squirters than the g spot.

Many women experience only one type of orgasm either clitoral (the majority I think) or vaginal. I am blessed to have a woman who seems to have all three and occasionally - maybe once or twice a month has a gusher. And orgasms come easy for her so If I would ever find my self with another woman maybe I would have to work real hard to satisfy. You may find that as she becomes more comfortable with you and sex and is more confident about what is happening she may turn out to be a very sexually responsive woman. some women just cant let go of thier hang ups and will not allow themselves the indulgence of orgasm and the sex is bland since they are only along for the ride. this could get worse or better.if it gets worse then her interest in pleasing her mate with sex also diminishes and we have what used to be refered to as frigidity. (which seems like a real cruel term but I didn’t make it up). I hope some of this back ground info is helpful to you secjay and I hope that over time you and your gal will be happy in and out of bed.

I guess that is a freudian slip coming from my traditional Roman Catholic morality:)

Guys and Gals,

I really like this forum.

Sunny,

We could really benefit from a woman’s perspective regarding orgasm. Different things that bring it on, what turns it off, etc.

I consider myself a way above average lover, but I am learning things here and want to learn more, especially the subtlties.

Keep posting

JT

This thread has turned into something really interesting. I see there’s lots of info here about the female orgasm. BTW - I think the male orgasm is not less interesting..

Anyway, secjay - I promised you an answer about my ex-girlfriend technique. Sorry for the delay it’s just that I’m using somebody elses machine to access this forum at the moment, and I don’t always have access to it. So I gave this girl a call - it was great talking to her after all this time, we had a great talk about everything - sex, relationships etc.

It was really kind of funny, cause I went: “you will never believe why I’m calling you.. you see I’m a member of this forum for men sexuality [naturally I was reluctant to tell her the exact nature of this forum :) ] and there’s this guy there that needs some help with his girlfriend who has problem having an orgasm.. remember you told me somebody taught you how to do it..”

She thought it was just a little weird, but she talked to me about it.

I was a little disappointed, cause apparently it’s not exactly a technique, and I’m not sure if it will help, but I’ll tell you what she said anyway. She told me that she used to be very self conscious about herself and her sexuality, and not relaxed when having sex with men, cause she was young just like your girlfriend.. what this girl told her that she has to stop thinking about the other person all the time and start thinking more about herself when she has sex, sort of be a little egoistic and just concentrate and feel what feels best for *her*, then just keep on doing this. I know it sounds pretty simple, but it really helped her. also she said that it will be good if your girl would try masturbating - look at herself in the mirror maybe, so she will know exactly what’s going on down there, and learn how to make herself feel good.

I think that’s about it, I hope it will be of any help to you..

Braker

thanks braker, and everyone else for this fantastic input!!

Well theres a bit of an update: The other night I tried out the back of the tongue technique, and she loved it! Or rather, it was not overstimulating and we were able to continue for ages without her getting sore….

and SHE even suggested that I stimulate “that spot” (for some reason she doesnt like calling it ‘G’ ;) )

which I did, without any undue pain,soreness, or any other negatives…

after about hmmm less than 10 minutes she was really into it, grinding into my face and making a hell of a lot of noise….

But for some reason (as always) she stopped me.
she said “I think I’m almost there” but didnt want to continue, which I thought was very odd as she said she didn’t experience any discomfort…

It was like “If youre almost there and nothings wrong, why stop?” But she wouldnt provide an explaination..

I am really starting to think that she is actually afraid of orgasm for some reason, like it is scary or something, even though she says she wants to…

oh well at least now we have something that seems to be working….

thanks again all :D

woops forgot to specifically thank you braker, for putting in such efforts for your fellow PEer!

I can guess how awkward it could possibly have been for you in that situation…

it’s ok that you didnt get to find out any magical technique. I’m pulling out any weapons I can come up with, and I’ll certainly explain to her yours.

And I’ll keep you all updated on our progress!!

don’t worry about it secjay, as I said - I actually had a great time talking to her..

just wanted to mention ethat the fact that she calls the ‘g spot’ “that spot” makes me feel even more that it’s all in her mind and her willingness to open up to things, being afraid and embarrassed to call things by their names.

you know - my last girlfriends was a lot like this, she was 24 years old but not very experienced at all, she had a great sexual intuition and energy, I mean having sex with her was an amazing experience, *but* at the same time she was very closed and afraid of things. she wanted to learn, and asked me to teach her things like how to give a guy a blowjob and things like this, but on the other hand when I tried to teach her she would usually feel that it’s too obscene or something, and wouldn’t want to do it, she had the same thing about not wanting to use sexual terminology, even though it’s very helpful to communicate while in bed, and also it could be sexy to talk a little dirty, but she was always afraid of things.

when I said to her that she should tell me what she loves best and communicate, she said that she wanted me to know it all without words, a kind of romantic way of expecting things to happen which is cool, but sometimes a bit limiting..

I think actually a lot of women are like this, they want the man to know exactly what to do without them having to explain anything, cause it seems to them that explaining things, anything, but especially sexual preferences, will take the magic out of it all..

maybe what could help is trying to explain how natural and beautiful and right sex is and how simply explaining and communicating things can save lots of frustration afterwords..

Hey Secjay,

It sounds like you are almost there. Try massaging the G spot in a “come here” motion AND licking the clit with the underside of your tongue. Also, reach past the G spot toward the back wall of her vagina while licking the clit. She won’t want you to stop until she comes. Try it!

JT

I have given my reply lots of thought. It was asked of me to give my perspective on what brings them on and or turns them off.

What turns them on is a)sensation, direct stimulation of the clitoris, vagina, G spot, breasts, BRAIN. I am one of the lucky people who have experienced a G spot orgasm. What started out feeling like the size of a pea when stimulated, grew to about the size of a quarter and then OMG!!!!!!!!!

What turns them off, not feeling like my partner is paying attention to my needs as a woman, not communicating. Feeling like I am an object instead of a person. Not having the largest sex organ stimulated, thereby detracting from the moment. Having the phone ring, hearing the doorbell. :rofl:

Foreplay isn’t about being in bed and touching all the right spots, it starts much earlier in the day. Actually, foreplay has nothing to do with touching the genitals or breasts, or penis. It has to do with touching the brain. There are many reasons that a woman has trouble achieving orgasm, it could be her background (religious teaching) her self image, lack of experience, and not ever having someone who was willing to take the time to teach her. Some women just have inhibitions that will take time to overcome. Patience is a key here.

There have been good techniques mentioned in this thread, give some of them a try. And remember, not only can you gauge what is happening by the physical response, but by listening and asking questions. Yes,it is awkward, and yes, sometimes women just expect you to know what we like or don’t like. That is one of our many faults. Just explain that you aren’t a mind reader, and if she doesn’t or isn’t willing to share and communicate back, you will not be able to please her.

Hope that helped.

I would like to thank everyone who has participated in this thread, you’ve all been a great help to me…

But I have some more news to report: It finally happened! (We think) ;)

I say ‘we think’ because although she said she never felt anything like it before, I’m not convinced….

After about 15 minutes of purely clitoral stimulation with just the tip of my tongue, she started going wild and crazy, I had to grab on to her hips just to hold on because she was writhing around all over the place making quite a racket….

Afterwards she described what it felt like: ‘hot waves’ all through her body.

She was all red, panting and shaking…

Now although this sounds like she had an orgasm, for some reason I am a bit skeptical, even though she is convinced it happened. I believe that she got really really close, right to the very edge of the cliff, but not quite over.

Next time I think I’ll keep going even when she tells me to stop >:) hehehe

Another really interesting thing happened tonight: I was able to fully penetrate her without pain, which I think is incredible.
She must have been more aroused than ever before because usually I bash her cervix at about 7”……. or just maybe I managed to reach behind and hit the ‘culdesac’ spot popularized by luvdadus? Either way she was certainly pounding me hard!!!

I had the pleasure of informing her later in the evening, that women are capable of experiencing different types of orgasm multiple times, clitoral, g-spot, etc…

But she couldn’t believe that it could be more intense than what she felt though!!!

Anyways, time will certainly tell if that was an orgasm or not. Probably by tommorrow night :D

Thanks again dudes (and dudettes!)!!!

Sounds like you can both finally relax and just get down like the wild ones do :)