Premature Ejaculation - Nothing Works

Heres the story: I am 22 and have been in my first serious relationship with this awesome girl for 5 months. I also was a virgin before meeting her. The sex is awful. I couldn’t last more than a few ‘pumps’ before cumming (on a good day). I blamed it on my masturbation routine, which before her was pretty quick; I could get off in a minute or two every time. Seeking help, I’ve done kegels up the wazoo, start and stop techniques (I have only practiced the stop and start with myself during masturbation, not with her during sex), controlling my breathing and all that stuff. I’m to the point where I can go FOREVER when I masturbate. I have pretty much mastered ejaculation control, but only when I masturbate alone (when she masturbates me, blowjob, sex, etc. it’s a different story). Whenever I am getting freaky with her, I’m not sure what happens, but I always have PE. I can’t control myself with her like I can when I am alone, and I’m back to cumming in a few ‘pumps.’ I have a feeling it has something to do with either anxiety or excitement because I don’t know why else I can go the distance with myself, but not with her. This has led to me experiencing anxiety on such levels that I don’t want to have sex (its starting to become hard to get a boner when I know sex is gonna happen aka when we start fooling around) in fear of disappointment, and this in turn has led to a broken relationship where she is worried that I don’t like her because I never touch her anymore aka sexual part of the relationship is dying. (The refractory period with me usually isn’t long, however this whole disappointment/anxiety issue has ruled out the multiple boners)

I am making a doctors appointment tomorrow because this is ruining my life. I believe I have researched the topic thoroughly, and I am out of ideas. If anyone who would like to help needs anymore insight into the problem, I can do my best. Any help is appreciated. I really don’t know why I can’t perform with her like I can when I am alone. It would be awesome if someone here had similar issues and could tell me how they fixed it/how they are dealing with it.

I would like nothing more than to fuck her brains out. She would appreciate that as much as I would :)

You may want to search for the threads on some over-the-counter vitamins/pills that work for anxiety. Do a search for “Golden Root” and “Lemon Balm Theanine.”

Also, if anyone can answer this question it would be greatly appreciated. Do prescription drugs that help reduce anxiety (xanax, etc) also promote lower libido and/or erectile dysfunction?

Man I’m having the opposite problem(I cannot come and man it sucks), and sometimes I wish I was in your position. I wish you the best of luck.

First off, talk to her and be honest. That alone I think will definitely take a lot of this away.

Hello.

Take it from me do not take drugs to reduce anxiety rather try some yoga or any exercise that makes you relax if that’s your problem.

My advice to you would be talk to your girl, tell her your problems. She’ll most likely get very supportive to you and most likely get you folks close to each other.

Something for your anxiety would probably help the best to put you at ease. Breathing and doing things to make you relax will help. I found kegels help me, they will help you more when you reduce your anxiety.

You can try some numbing agents that are topical, or condoms with numbing agents inside them.

You might try to crank one off a certain amount of time before having sex as well.

The biggest thing is to put yourself at ease (sex is mainly in your brain). If you really like this girl, and she likes you, you might just explain it to her, rather than have the relationship end. Explaining to her that she gets you so hot so fast because she is gorgeous can be a compliment, and exciting for her. It will be much better than not having sex with her and not telling her why, this just makes her think you are not interested in her.

You can beat this, it just takes practice! Good luck!

Try taoist or tantric sexual techniques.

Something that works absolutely perfectly for me is Cipralex (aka citalopram), a SSRI anti-depressant. Masturbating to porn or what not, I’ll still last at least 15-20 minutes, and if I take a 20 second break
or so I can go another 3-5 minutes before I have to stop again. This is on a very tiny dose too, just 5-10mg (usual dose is like 40-60 mg). It’s a prescription medication and so a bit harder to get, but if you
can get it I would do so.

One other sexual side effect: my load sizes are a lot less, probably only half as much as when I was off of it. I think this may be related to the common side effect of ‘dry mouth’, and I haven’t tried increasing my fluid intake to see if it changes it. Still, I’m willing to trade.

Oh and for comparison, if I’m not on it and I masturbate to porn I have to stop after less than 2 minutes. Also I have zero libido or erection changes when on the drug (read: my libido/erection is perfect when I’m on the drug)

I had this problem years ago too. Try this. Stop masturbating and have all your “fun” with her. If she knows your a virgin then tell her that you need to condition your mind and penis to last longer with her. Have her give head or jerk you with an emphasis on desensitizing your head. I.e squeezing it or being rough.

If that doesn’t work then cum real quick the 1st time and go straight into licking her til you get it back up.

Or try maxoderm and just cum and cum and cum.

I have the same issues as you, but I try hard to just free my mind and think about how much fun my girlfriend and I are having in the moment and think about how I want it to last for both of us. I slow down my breathing and relax my PC muscles as best as possible. And when I feel like cumming, I try to kegel at the right moment to hold it in. I’m about 25% successful with it, so sometimes I can continue on with about an 75% good erection for a while. And then other times I’m not able to hold it in and I lose my erection for the night. I just reassure myself that its perfectly fine and there will be plenty of other times. The tough part is that my g/f likes hard, fast sex and it has to go on for a while for her to get off, if she does. And her favorite position is doggie style, which is my most sensitive!

bigtiny45,
Have you tried Maxoderm? I hear these commercials that it works in 3-5 seconds or whatever. What’s its gimmick? Does it work?

darkboob, you and I have many similarities. I know exactly what you are going through.

Do you have sex in the missionary position? Please say yes, I might be able to help you.

In missionary position, I can be the most relaxed, most calm person, doing everything right like breathing very slowly. However, in that position, all my muscles are tense! I will quickly go like you, in a few pumps.

If you can stand up and have her on the side of the bed, you may be able to go for 7 or 8 minutes with some practice.

I just remembered one thing I read in Men’s Health a few months ago. It was in the or “Details”. It said ” Percentage of men who experienced an improvement in premature ejaculation control after doing yoga a few times a week: 100”. That means doing yoga, besides improving athleticism and flexibility, muscle health, helps you with premature ejac. I never did yoga, or stretched for that matter. I just lifted and that was it. When I read that I started doing it immediately. I told me (no ex) gf about and she said “Let’s go find a school!” It hurt a tiny bit at her enthusiasm, but whatever I knew I came too fast. So try yoga.

Great idea guys!

Is there a good, easy way to get started with Yoga at home?

Seroxat (Paxil in the States) worked very well for me. It’s an SSRI but it works on a low dose, same experiences as CU Z with the cipralex. Obviously nobody wants to stay on SSRI’s forever, but it was fun for a few months, I banged my wife to death during that time of my life. It was a nice experience. I did have some side effects with concentration levels dropping, so I came off the SSRI’s because of that. Maybe I’ll try Cipralex next time round.

You should apply what you are doing in your masturbation to sex. Kegel during sex to stop the urge to cum just like you do during masturbation