Performance Anxiety and resulting PAIN
Please move this to the Sexual Health forum.
I have always wondered about this problem, thought it must be a normal consequence but recently I have become less sure. Bear with me, it’s a little difficult to explain.
Every time I am with someone new, I am nervous and ‘conflicted’ about what I am doing, how to proceed, etc etc. As a result, I either achieve no erection at all, or erections that fade before I can do anything useful with them. This is only a problem until I get comfortable with someone, at which point the problem ceases. The time it takes to get ‘comfortable’ has steadily decreased with each new girl, from about 3 months with my very first girlfriend to about 2 weeks / 3 or 4 visits with the girl I’m seeing at the moment. I’ve accepted that this is perfectly normal, and I’m just not confident enough to be a one night stand kind of guy. I explain this to the girl, the problem sorts itself out (now) within a relatively short time, and I experience great sex.
HOWEVER, it is the times when I am still getting comfortable with someone that can cause me a great deal of pain! If I keep trying to have sex while in this ‘conflicted’ state (ie kissing touching etc whilst all the while worrying, slowly working myself into a situation where nothing will ever happen :P) then about 10 minutes after the session, when I start moving around again, a dull but very painful ache will slowly come in. If I just said “this isn’t going to happen”, and immediately stopped everything as soon as I knew I was going to go into this type of mental self-defeating spiral, there would probably be no resulting pain, but I have not verified this.
It is focused mainly in two spots over my pubic bone, above and to the left and right of my penis. There is some pain in my testes but it is these two other random spots which are most painful.
I think perhaps they might be my lymph nodes, but I just can’t seem to find any information saying that attempting to achieve an erection in a ‘troubled’ state causes pressure in lymph nodes! I know this sounds weird.my own little theory for it has always just been my autonomic nervous system in a ‘fight or flight’ state induced by my nerves, conflicting with my sexual response and desire, for an extended period of time.and that this somehow causes tension in the area. But that was entirely my own musings, and recently I’ve been trying to discover some scientific reason for it! I’ve looked up prostatitis, STDS etc. (But this problem occurred with the first girl I was with, who I never actually ended up sleeping with as a consequence of nerves generally).
I also surmised maybe it was some buildup of ‘pressure’ which has been defeated by my inability to maintain erection/cum in these situations.but I have masturbated afterwards whilst in this painful state in an attempt to ‘relieve’ it, only to find that: ejaculation became extremely painful, it feels like I’m peeing while I cum, and I’m even more sore in those ‘lymph node’ spots afterwards (the pain ramps up very quickly!).
I’d be very interested to know if anyone else experiences a similar problem. I had completely forgotten about it, having been comfortable with my previous girlfriend for almost 2 years.but now with a new girl, back it comes again. Performance anxiety is one thing, but the pain is fricken annoying! Ideally I’d like to completely get rid of the problem so I can actually see people casually having become newly single..
Thanks guys, hope this doesn’t all sound completely bizarre, but it’s taken about an hour to get all my thoughts out in this way! Someone please tell me they get the same thing! :P