About three months ago, my girlfriend let slip, regarding former lovers, that “only one was bigger, but he was selfish”. I’ve been crushed about it ever since. I let her know that it bothered me and shared my feelings of anxiety over it with her. She was very caring about it and regretted saying it. She only mentioned his size trying to be reassuring about my skills as a lover. In some way trying to tell me that size doesn’t matter.
She was with this guy more than 15 years ago, and it made me think “she still remembers him as bigger, after all that time, so he must have been monstrous”. I don’t think I want to ask her anything else about this, yet my imagination is likely worse than reality. No solution.
My anxiety over this is self-destructive. She indicated that he was selfish, and I wonder if she gave him a lot of head. She say he was a jerk and cheated on her, and I think “Ok, so you were with him why… just because of his big cock?” No solution.
We have not talked about it for a while now, but I can’t get the thought out of my head. I have not had any performance problems over it, but I think about it during sex often, and it has impacted my self-confidence. I find myself covering up with a towel when she is near. I just don’t have the swagger I used to. Whenever she’s tired or pre-occupied and we don’t have sex, I wonder if it is because I don’t “do it” for her.
The “size matters” threads in this forum have exacerbated this issue for me. When I read about the impact that successful PE has had for many of you sexually, it makes me feel more inadequate. It makes me wonder how it was for her with the “big” guy. She was about 21 or 22 back then and I can’t help but feel it was a visual and physical turn on. She has not indicated that it was, but at this point she’s walking on eggshells with my ego and she’s being very careful. No solution.
With all of the above said, I also understand that women want a confident man. I am hesitant to bring this issue up again, because I do not want to appear to be weak and suffering over penis-size anxiety (even though I am :-) . I do not want to appear weak. So I am in turmoil, but I feel helpless to remedy the situation. It’s torturous keeping this to myself and sharing it further is undesirable. No solution.
Solution? Well I am PEing ;-). But that takes time. Any ideas for what I should do in the meantime, before I have can eradicate all this anxiety with my 8.0x5.5?