Need some lady/I get nervous advice

There’s this girl that I really like. I actually like her more than any other girl I’ve ever met in my life. The only problem is: When I’m with her and we’re ready to get busy, I get so nervous that my penis shrinks up and even once I was sorta shaking all over. Fortunately, we had some beers there, so I had a couple and the shivvering stopped…she never saw it.

I don’t know if the cause is that I’m thinking so much about getting an erection or so much about just having sex that I’m killing the moment, but for some reason I get nervous like a 15 year old boy. This doesn’t happen with other girls…well, it has happened a couple times before, and I’m wondering why. I’m fairly average in size, so I guess this could be a factor too since I want to be like Dirk Digler when she takes off my pants.

We’ve been going out for almost a month now and I feel that if I don’t have sex with her, I may lose her…she may think I’m not interested in her. Just last week she was practically throwing herself at me and I was like a deer caught in the headlights. Any help would be appreciated.

There is a label for this sort of situation, it’s called performance anxiety. IMO labels are very limiting, but there is a lot written about this, so it’s easy to google it.

I had your problem when I was a lot younger, and for me the secret was to confront the original experience that gave rise to it. In my case there was an event that traumatised me. The other thing that helps is to become more relaxed. Relaxed in general. It’s hard to be relaxed and anxious at the same time. So for me it was to practice meditation. I am not suggesting you take that up, but it helped me.

There is another thing I found out more recently…
I never had a problem for 20 years until a while ago I had major major work stress and deadlines. And wham, the old fella was not responding in the bedroom every time. Or it would take like half an hour or so to get it up. Or it would get up and come down.

And then a weird thing happened, I got so busy with work that I did not even have time to attempt sex. I was getting up in the morning, working non stop, and going to bed shattered after midnight, and wifey was already asleep (Running you own business is fun).

After 3 weeks of this, I was so damn horny, that when wifey said, come to bed etc. I could not even be bothered to get anxious. The thoughts tried to come in, but the hormones built up after 3 weeks were just too strong, for even my strong mind. The sex was amazing.

So what am I saying? Stop masturbating for a while if that is a pastime of yours, and tell yourself that the next time you’re going to get sexual will be with her. Or at least cut down. But make sure you do not do it for at least 48 hours before you are in her company. However, TOTAL abstinence is the real turbo charger - in my experience. If you are young and healthy, the hormones should kick in soon. Eat plenty of protein can help.

Alcohol is not ideal as too much can make it limp (or numb in my case - I can not come)!

Anyway there is so much support on this forum, you will be as cocky as a jack-rabbit in no time.

Listen she obviously is very into you if she is sticking around and throwing herself at you so what you need to do is not think when you are with her. Clear your mind and just realize she is with you and not any other guy so she won’t give a damn about your size if that’s what you’re worried about. I believe when I hear all these guys not being able to get hard it is all in your head. Let her suck your dick that always gets me hard. Or be like “hey you should strip for me or something then wip it out while she is stripping and jerkoff to get it hard or something like that. I don’t see how one couldn’t get hard with a naked girl in front of them.

You could also try not masterbating or PEing because no activity always makes me hard as a rock if I know I’m going to be getting some action. Then all I have to worry about is premature ejaculation. Hope I helped!

Performance anxiety can be a factor, but maybe you thinking this girl is so perfect is adding to your nervousness. That wasn’t worded correctly but what I’m trying to say is, it’s fine to like a girl a lot, but you have to realize that she is just like any other girl. It’s easy to get intimidated by a smoking hot girl (perfect 10), or a girl that may even just seem really special to you, but that’s no reason to get scared over it, or make a woman seem like more then she really is.

I don’t know how old you are and what kind of experience you have sexually, but I’m only 19 going on 20 and I’ve already come to learn that

1. woman are more intimidated and self-conscience then men are, and

2. I’m bound to meet a ton of girls in my life and maybe even sleep with quite a few of them.

Treat this girl (and anyone for that matter) with respect, but never immortalize any woman. Bone her like an animal and don’t even give it a second thought.

Yeah, I think you are onto something. I do put her on a pedistal (spelling?) and I think that is making me nervous. Like I won’t be able to perform or be the man. I have all these thoughts in my head of having to be perfect and I guess that is what is limiting me. Performance anxiety could be a product of these thoughts. Thanks for the advice.

Kevin, this sounds similar somehow. Man, I was the SAME way just a few weeks ago with my girl. Like you, I had extreme anxiety over this girl. It had been 18months since I got laid, so I was totally putting her on some unreachable position. All I can really say is that it DOES get better. My first time I couldn’t really even get hard, and it improved over time. Now I’ve been with her 7 or 8 times and I am having multiple orgasms per night. I’m not really sure how you can really overcome this, it just takes persistence and practice. It will help realizing that she is in the same position as you, just try and understand that and have fun!

CD4

Any new information on this kevin?

Try looking at the situation this way: Sex is not supposed to be just a “performance”. It is an experience, something that happens, not necessarily something that you have to make happen. You will probably see that it improves with time as you become more comfortable with each other.

Work first on making the rest of your relationship with her great, and the sex will “happen” and it to will be great.

For whatever reason (anxiety) the main time I have had problems like this is when I really like a girl. When I don’t give a shit about them I can last all night.

Do whatever you can with that info. I still can’t manipulate the effects for the most part. Thankfully, I don’t fall in love with too many women now days like i used to so it is less of a problem.

Drinking a few beers always helps me.

1/2 of a .5mg klonazepam and 25MG Viagra.

Your welcome.

Kevin

Hey, nothing wrong with that occasionally. Also try putting her on a desk, bent over the back of the sofa, on the washing machine, (keep resetting the spin cycle!), in the shower, on the roof, in the car, etc., etc..